T.W. Mentions of Dysphoria, Anxiety, and Mentions of Throwing Up (Mentions it once.) I think that's all, nothing is angsty, exactly, but it's kind of sad in one place because of a Panicking Virgil.

Virgil huffed, Deceit was impossible at times. It wasn't that he tried, it was just who he was. The sarcasm, the sassiness, the pure frustration that he gave to Virgil, it was all just who he was, and he couldn't change that. Deep down, Virgil didn't want him to change, he loved his boyfriend, but there were times where he was too much, and Virgil needed him to dial it back a bit, especially when he was already having a bad day.

Not that it seemed to happen often, Deceit seemed to have this sixth sense for when Virgil was feeling down and made it his mission to try and help his boyfriend feel better. Virgil loved that, as much as he pushed him away, or tried to get him to stop, he secretly loved all the affection Deceit gave to him. It made him feel special, wanted even. And Deceit knew that. He knew how much Virgil needed the extra reassurance at times.

"Virge?" Deceit knocked on his boyfriend's door, frowning when he got no reply. Virgil was almost always in there, good days or bad. Deceit wasn't a clingy boyfriend, not at all, but sometimes he knew Virgil needed space, and for the past three days, he'd had space.

He hadn't left his room, to anyone's knowledge, he hadn't eaten much of anything, and he hadn't interacted with anyone. Deceit had tried to go to him, but Patton seemed to understand that Virgil needed space. Deceit didn't get it. He was always there for Virgil, even when he needed time away. Virgil always let him in and always let himself be held, needing the extra comfort of his boyfriend's hugs.

This time was different, Deceit could feel it. Virgil was hiding away from his boyfriend, trying to keep a secret, but that's what Deceit was good at. Keeping secrets, it was his whole thing, minus the sarcastic responses to obvious questions. He was worried. Worried for his boyfriend's safety, worried that he was trying to shut himself off and was going through a rough patch. He couldn't be more wrong.

The door was pulled open to reveal a sleepy-eyed Virgil, who was wrapped up in Deceit's spare cape, smiling sleepily at his boyfriend. The smile was slightly lopsided, and his eyes were more than half closed, and if Deceit didn't know any better, he would say that Virgil was drunk.

"What's up, De?" He mumbled, lifting his head so he was able to look at Deceit's half scaly face.

Deceit could stop the smile from tugging at the corners of his mouth, despite being concerned for his boyfriend, since it was nearing four pm and he had been asleep, he couldn't deny that his boyfriend was adorable. Though the one thing that did confuse him was Why Virgil had been asleep so late in the day. Yes, he stayed awake until ridiculous hours, against the rest of the sides recommendations, but he never stayed in bed or asleep this late.

"Are you okay, my love, you seem to have slept late?" Deceit reached up and pushed Virgil's bangs off his face, smiling softly as he leaned into the touch.

He couldn't deny that all he wanted to do was to scoop Virgil up and cuddle with him for the rest of the day, but something was nagging away at him. Telling him that he was missing something really obvious about what was going on.

"Deceit! I thought we agreed you wouldn't bother Virgil..." Patton seemed surprised to see Deceit stood in front of Virgil, hand slowly lowering from his face.

"I wasn't concerned about my boyfriend's wellbeing at all, not considering you told me everything that was going on." Deceit rolled his eyes, reaching over to wrap his arm around Virgil's waist, only to have his arm pushed away slightly.

Deceit looked to Virgil and frowned. Virgil never pushed him away. He never had, and he wasn't sure what had changed to make him do it now.

"Virge...?"

"I don't want you to hate me." He whispered before walking back into his room and shutting the door.

"I could never." Deceit mumbled, clearly troubled by Virgil's words. "What's going on? Is he cheating? Is he dangerously sick? What is it, Patton? You're Morality, you can't lie." Deceit spoke the truth, and both he and Patton knew that. They both also knew that Deceit wasn't going to move away from the door until Patton told him what was going on.

A small whimper cut through the awkward silence that had fallen between them. Patton looked panicked, and Deceit fought any instinct he had to go running into his boyfriend. He respected his boyfriend's wishes, but not at the cost of him being lied to about it.

"No, he's not cheating, no he's not sick. He's having a few issues and he would rather I didn't tell you in favour of him telling you." Patton shifted his weight from foot to foot, clearly itching to get back into Virgil, his parental instincts making him need to care for him.

Deceit nodded stiffly and walked away, unsure of how to comprehend the whole situation. His boyfriend told him everything, didn't he? He wasn't sure whether he could understand what was going on, but he needed to make sure his boyfriend wasn't lying.

-

It wasn't the first time it had happened. Virgil had shut himself off from Deceit a few times before, especially when things got out of hand and he was in too much pain to do much of anything. The pain sometimes made him delirious, and the best way to get rid of both the pain and his loopiness was to sleep. If he stayed away, one would get worse, and there was no telling which it would be.

He'd gone to Patton a few times, who would monitor him and make sure he was okay, make sure he didn't try to do anything irrational to ease the pain or anything dangerous in his delirious state.

"Virgil, you have to tell Deceit, he is worried about you." Patton sighed, running his hand through Virgil's hair.

"I wanna, but you said..."

"I know what I said, and I take it back, you have to tell him. Now, come on, we are going to his room."

"No. Not..." Virgil whimpered as Patton tried to sit him up. "Not yet, please don't move me. It hurts and I just want to sleep, please." Tears filled his eyes at the sharp pain he got in his abdomen. He hated it.

"Virgil, I am going to go and get your boyfriend, and you are going to tell him everything."

Virgil whimpered and nodded. He would love to have boyfriend cuddles. He watched Patton walk out of his room and he lay back, trying to get comfy, whimpering and throwing a pillow when he couldn't.

He knocked a picture off his wall and almost broke down crying. He didn't mean to, he liked that picture. Why was he so reckless and why did he ruin everything? It was one of the better pictures of him and Deceit, back when they first started dating.

"Virge?" Deceit sat on the bed next to him, glancing at the broken frame on the floor. "We can repair it." He wiped a few of Virgil's stray tears away, frowning when Virgil shuffled away from him, not missing the pained expression on his face. "Talk to me."

Virgil looked over to see Patton picking up the frame and setting it on the desk in the corner of his room. He pulled the cape around him tighter, hugging his abdomen.

"You're going to hate me, and I don't want you to, I can't lose you, De. I love you and I'm sorry I never told you, and I know you'll say it's fine, but it isn't fine. It won't ever be fine! I'm not okay. I promise. I'm not fine, I'm not good, I'm not okay. I'm a bad boyfriend, and you'll probably break up with me." He rambled, fighting back any tears that threatened to surface. He couldn't do it, he couldn't tell his boyfriend of a year that he wasn't really male. He couldn't tell his boyfriend that the reason he pushed him away was that he was a transgender boy, or that he still got his period because he couldn't take the shots of testosterone.

"Virge, I could never hate you, I promise. I love you and whatever is going through your head right now isn't true. I know things can be scary, or your anxiety blows them out of proportion, but I do love you. I will do anything I can to keep you safe, and to help you with anything I can."

Virgil looked over to him, tears falling freely. "I can't lose you."

"And you won't. I promise." Deceit held up his pinky finger, smiling softly as Virgil hooked his around it.

"I am not... I have... Monthly... Uh..." Virgil looked away, pulling the cape tighter around the body he hated, needing something from his boyfriend to try and ease his anxiety.

"I'm not a boy." He finally managed out. "Well, no, that's not true. I am a boy, but I mean, I wasn't manifested as one. I... I was a girl... I'm not anymore, but I... I still get periods and when I'm in pain... I can be stupid and reckless and delirious and I hate it. I hate being who I am, I hate my body and why couldn't I just have the body I was supposed to have? I want to be a boy, physically, and the best I can do is bind and hope for the best. I hate what I have between my legs, I hate having my period and I hate... I hate... I hate who I am." He wouldn't look up at Deceit, terrified of the reaction he was going to get. "I know you probably didn't need this today, I know I worried you, and I'm sorry, I can't... I get if you want to leave, or if you hate me, I would too. I do hate me and I..." He broke down, sobbing into his chest.

He pulled his knees up to his chest, giving him something else to cry into. He didn't mean to break down, he was supposed to keep it together, he was supposed to put on a brave face, he was supposed to be and do a lot of things, but he always messed up.

"Virgil, look at me?" Deceit gripped onto one of his hands, and eventually, Virgil turned his head to look at his boyfriend. "You are my boyfriend. End of discussion. I don't care what is between your legs, or what you look like in your head. All I see is a beautiful, handsome man sat next to me, who may go through an immense amount of pain, that is highly unnecessary, but you know what? You're brave, strong, and I admire your courage so much. I wouldn't ever be able to deal with half of the things you go through. I know you hate a lot of things, and your body makes you anxious. I know you hate to change in front of me, or you hate to share a bed out of fear of me finding something about you to dislike, but I can assure you, I don't care. Whether your chest is big or not has no relevance, whether you bind or not doesn't matter, whether you choose to change in front of me doesn't make me care any less about you. Virgil, I adore every single part of your body, from top to bottom, and I am so proud of you. I know you like cuddles, and I know after so long you run off, too scared to show me who you really are, I know you hide in the hoodie to keep your shape hidden, but can I be honest? Beneath that cape, beneath your hoodie, or whatever you are wearing, is an amazing man. Who you are on the outside doesn't matter, and I could not care less about your body. I see a beautiful soul, a beautiful mind, and I have an amazingly handsome boyfriend." Deceit smiled.

He saw the change in Virgil's appearance, and how he seemed to have perked up slightly. He saw how his tears had slowly stopped being heart-wrenching sobs and had turned into happy tears that he couldn't seem to stop.

"You mean it?" Virgil looked to where Patton was stood, only to see an empty space. "You don't care that I'm... I'm..."

"Transgender? No. Why would I care about that? Virgil, I love you for you, not for who you used to be. I know you probably have a lot of dysphoria right now, especially because you're going through a typically female thing, though there are other men in the world who are going through the same thing as you, and nonbinary people, but that's beside the point. You must be feeling pretty crappy, and I can understand why. I can't begin to understand what you're going through, or how you feel exactly, but I am always here for you, I won't ever mock you for having mood swings or feeling as though you could throw up due to the immense pain you have, but I can promise to always be there when you need me, because I'm your boyfriend, and it's what I do."

"De..." Virgil smiled through the tears, trying to calm down slightly. "I love you so much, thank you. You don't know how much this matters to me. I couldn't do any of this without you, and you're... Too good for me. I'm sorry I panicked, and I'm sorry I couldn't tell you sooner. I didn't mean to worry you. Please, can you stay? I need cuddles and I'm in a lot of pain."

Deceit smiled, pulling his boyfriend closer to him, pressing a small kiss to the tip of his nose, smiling as he scrunched his nose up.

"You are adorable, and I love you too. As for the cuddling, I think there's a bargain that needs to be made."

Virgil pouted, making Deceit smile and carry on. "I will cuddle with you, on the condition that you always come to me if you need comfort or anything like this, or send Patton, since sometimes it's too painful to move, and second, kiss me, and I will gladly lay with you."

Virgil huffed slightly, before leaning up and connecting their lips. He smiled slightly, wrapping his arms around Deceit's shoulders, somehow not caring that the cape slipped off his shoulders and behind his back. He didn't care that he was being held close to Deceit, and his boyfriend's arms were wrapped around his waist.

He pulled away softly, all the anxiety coming rushing back, but at the same time, being with his boyfriend, he couldn't seem to care that he was insecure.

They lay down together, Deceit on his back, one arm behind his head, the other around Virgil's waist. Virgil lay with his head on Deceit's chest, one arm around his stomach, cradling it to alleviate some of the pain, and the other across Deceit's abdomen, cuddling him close. And if that's how Patton found them that night, who is to say?

2570 words

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