T.W. Sad Deceit and slightly Jerky Sides

Incapable of Love.

It was what he'd always thought of himself, always thinking he wasn't and wouldn't ever be good enough for anyone else. He would hurt them, make them suffer, and he wouldn't be able to love them the way they needed. He'd rather suffer in silence than open up, let someone in, let them see who he really was. He was broken, ruined, toxic.

He wouldn't be good enough for someone else, he wouldn't be good enough for himself. He couldn't hurt someone else, he couldn't make himself pretend it was okay, only for it to come crashing down, and it all settle in the dust and remains. He wasn't going to let himself wallow in the pain like that, not anymore.

He'd sit in silence in his room for days on end, wondering if anyone actually noticed his door was there, or if they noticed the quiet sniffles and sobs coming from his room when the rest of the mind was quiet. He wondered if they actually cared about him, but then he realised, it was probably better if they didn't, then he couldn't let them down.

He lay on his back, tracing random patterns into the ceiling with his eyes, trying to distract himself from the way he felt. He hated when he fell into one of his slumps, it made it all the more difficult for him to even attempt to get anything done. Getting up out of bed just proved to be more of an issue than normal.

He didn't care that he wasn't doing his job right, or that they potentially would have to summon him because of said job, but he highly doubted they even noticed he hadn't arrived, that he wasn't there to convince Thomas to lie, or that he needed to get his act together because he was making it harder for them to do their jobs. They didn't rely on him so they could do their jobs! Well, maybe Morality did, but in general, he wasn't important to their jobs.

As he was lost in his thoughts, he almost didn't hear the soft knock at the door. Keyword being almost. He looked to the door, wondering who wanted to talk to him, and why. He figured there would be no way that they wanted to be friendly with him. He knew them, and he knew their feelings towards him.

"Deceit, can I come in?" Virgil's voice filtered through the door and Deceit frowned, he didn't want to let him in, but he knew if he didn't, he would suspect something was wrong.

"Do whatever you want, you won't think of me any differently." (Do whatever, you will think of me the same way.) He didn't turn his gaze to the door, not when it opened, not when Virgil walked into the room, and not when it shut again. His gaze remained focused on his ceiling as Virgil sat next to him, and stayed there until he decided Virgil deserved for him to turn away from it.

"What's going on? You never stay away for this long, especially not when Thomas has a huge issue revolving around lying, and even if you try, you normally answer the summons." Virgil was looking at him, and he knew it, but he wasn't about to pay him proper attention.

Deceit shrugged and pulled his blanket tighter around him, not really wanting Virgil there, or to have to open up about what was bothering him. He flinched slightly as Virgil placed a hand atop Deceit's.

"Please leave." He murmured, his voice wavering slightly, he didn't want to be left alone, but he wasn't sure whether Virgil was going to understand that or not. He needed the company, and he hated that he was so vulnerable.

"Deceit..." Virgil tried, squeezing his hand slightly, hoping it reassured him slightly, but all it served to do was make him break.

He rolled onto his side, burying his face in Virgil's chest, letting the tears fall freely. He pulled his hand from Virgil's and wrapped his arm around Virgil's waist, using it to steady himself so he didn't overbalance one way.

"What's going on, De?" Virgil wrapped an arm around him and held him close. He didn't want to leave, not yet, but he wasn't exactly the best suited to help calm people down.

"It's like... Like you guys appreciate me, all the time, and I... I think I can do it." (It's not like you guys appreciate me, and I don't think I can do it.) He managed between sobs and somehow buried his face further into Virgil's chest.

"De, we do appreciate you and all you bring to the table, you help us so much, and we couldn't ask for anyone better to do the job. I know we can be hostile at times, but we don't mean it. I don't mean it. I'm sorry we upset you, it's not our intention. Please let us make it up to you. Let me make it up to you." Virgil tilted his head up and wiped his tears away.

"Because you'd be able to do something." He almost spat the words out, hating the taste they left. He wanted Virgil to help fix things, he wanted them all to be sorry, but at the end of the day, Virgil was the only one who came to see if he was okay, to apologise, and who made him feel better.

"Deceit, please, I can talk to them, I can fix this."

"Sure you can. Because they'd apologise, and they'd care enough to rectify it." Venom dripped from each syllable, his eyes narrowed and he glared daggers at Virgil. Though Virgil wasn't to blame, he was the one there who brought it up, and Deceit was right, Virgil wouldn't be able to fix things for him. Virgil could only speak for himself, and he couldn't promise the others would see it the same way.

"Maybe they won't!" Virgil snapped. "Maybe they won't see it my way, and maybe they won't care but I do, and you lashing out at me because they're a bunch of jerks won't solve anything!" Virgil frowned. "But at least let me help you. Let me be there for you, and please trust me."

"It's pretty brave of you to come to me and ask me to trust you, it's not like we had a rough past or anything."

"I don't care about that, we both made mistakes, we were both young and idiotic, but please, I do want to help you."

"Then leave." Deceit looked Virgil in the eye. "Leave and never come back, I don't want you around..."

It took a few moments for Virgil to read Deceit's expression, and finally get what he was trying to say.

"I'm right here, I always have been."

"I don't appreciate it." He drawled, somehow pulling Virgil closer to him, leaving their lips mere inches apart, and neither of them seemed to mind.

"May I...?" Virgil flicked his gaze down to Deceit's lips, letting them finish the sentence for him.

Deceit nodded and let Virgil connect their lips, humming fondly as they worked together to convey all the emotions both males were unable to verbally say.

When Virgil pulled away, he pressed a quick kiss to Deceit's nose, causing the lying side to blush an even deeper shade of red.

"I don't suppose you'd care to join me on a date sometime?" Virgil smiled, reaching up to cup Deceit's cheek, sending him a soft smile.

"I would absolutely hate it." Deceit smiled, letting Virgil pull him in for another kiss. And maybe things weren't perfect, and maybe they never would be, but at that moment, they were both happy to have one another's company, and nothing more.

1300 words

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