When the world's not perfect
When the world's not kind
If we have each other, then we'll both be fine

- if we have each other (alec benjamin)

67. if we have each other

Yoon Jaehun never wanted to be a lawyer.

He was an average Korean boy whose parents had way too high expectations from him. He had no friends growing up because of his poor status. He was often bullied with remarks and jibes and laughter and mockery to a point his self-esteem had been buried underground. He hated being a miserable being with nothing to do than study.

When he could not clear his entrance examinations and was afraid to go back home which was a tiny town at the other end of the country, Jaehun decided it best to end the madness.

So he researched the best ways to die. More convenient, less painful and fastest way to leave this hell he was in. The most common way to die in Busan was by jumping in the sea and Gwangan Bridge was fairly nearer and less patrolled.

So Yoon Jaehun woke up in his dorm that day with a determined goal. He had one day to live and he decided to skip the lectures, the classes and the mock trial tests and made his way to the library. He returned the books he borrowed and thanked the old librarian, despite her not really remembering the timid boy seated in the farthest corner of the huge library.

He ate hot ramyeon in the convenience store, burning his throat with some spicy sauce and chugged a whole packet of his favourite drink.

The blueberry shake.

He did not have to spend money on caffeine today. He hated how he had to choose coffee over his favourite just so he could study more.

That made him smile.

He tipped the cashier because the boy reminded him of all the sleepless nights he spent behind the counter to get some extra cash. With more money to spend, Jaehun headed to the play he always wanted to see and sat through the entire two-hour play.

He missed how content he felt while watching theatre and cinema.

After the play, Jaehun headed to the bank and transferred all of the remaining money he had to the account of his mother. It was not much since he hardly earned anything, but it would cover his funeral expenses.

He had the exact change he needed for a cab fare to the bridge and a note typed in his mobile phone and tipped the remainder of the money to the cab driver who drove off from the middle of the bridge without a worry.

Anyone could tell that Yoon Jaehun was ready to face death.

The librarian who saw Jaehun share a smile, the one she had seen on students who had also killed themselves. She did not say anything because he wasn't the first. The cashier who met his defeated gaze and lowered his because he wasn't going to let a stranger hamper his mental. The cab driver who knew exactly why a young man wanted to stop in the middle of the bridge this close to a night but did nothing because he had a long day and two wailing kids to see back home.

Anyone could tell Jaehun wanted to die. But no one cared.

Except for that bike rider who sped past the boy who stood at the edge of the bridge and stopped immediately.

Kang Soojin looked once at the boy and was funnily enough for Jaehun to have someone who cared.

"You don't have to do this." She yelled from a safe distance so he would not do anything irrational. "Don't do it."

"You don't know me." Jaehun hated how he was near to tears for a strange woman riding a motorbike.

"If you jump, I'll have to jump." Soojin shrugged, and pointed at herself. "And then there'll be police here in no time, you will have to pay fine, I'll have to narrate the incidents, I'll be late to work tomorrow, my Team Leader will kill me and then you will have to pay for my funeral. Or, we could just step back and have a conversation."

Jaehun looked at Soojin with tears in his eyes.

"Why me?"

Soojin just smiled.

_

Soojin was having a hard time as the car zoomed past the empty roads. If Jaehun was not on that bridge, she had no idea where he could go. She held onto the seatbelt, almost wanting to rip it apart with the stress.

"We'll find him, Miss Kang."

Mr. Choi's reassurance fell on deaf ears. Soojin could not tell him that she had found Jaehun in the same place and how far they had come from that dark phase. She kept her eyes stationed at nothing in particular, doing her best to not cry.

She was not going to cry

Jaehun was her home when she never had one. The silly banter, his warm coffee and cold hugs, the impromptu birthday celebrations, the night-outs and the day-ins, the rants and the conversations... How is she to live without her safe place? 

"Have you ever lost a sibling?" Soojin asked, eyes still facing the road. "I am on the verge of losing two."

Mr. Choi knew he lost the battle with that question. He plainly looked at Soojin and then sped up, as Soojin prayed to any of the Gods above to keep her brother safe.

"Yoon Jaehun."

Soojin was taken aback at the name for a second.

It instantly reminded her of baby Kang, her brother Jaeun who could not live beyond few months.

"That is a pretty name."

Soojin offered her warm hoodie to the shivering boy and he hesitantly accepted it.

"I am not going to thank you for this." Jaehun replied, gaze lowered and hands nervously clasped against the other.

"I don't want you to thank me. I just want to say that I know."

"You know?"

"I know."

Soojin knew exactly how it felt to be constantly pressurized to be the best. How hard she would try to score for the first rank. How terrible and pathetic she felt each time she failed to keep up to her parents' ridiculous expectations.

"For the entirety of my school life, I lived for my father and his appreciation." Soojin sat on the cold edge of the bridge with Jaehun besides her. "And you know the amount of times he appreciated me?"

Jaehun lifted his head to look at the sad girl.

"Zero." Soojin scoffed, arms rubbing against the other. "I'd give anything to go back to my school and just be happy you know. Just live for myself once. Have friends, skip classes, fan-girl boy bands, fall in love, date, or you know, just breathe freely for once."

They sat there quietly after that. It was cold and dark and scary but at the same time it was also comforting.

"Are you breathing freely now?" Jaehun asked timidly, afraid of the answer.

Soojin looked at him, cheeks red with the cold but still smiling with a shine in her eyes.

"Yes. And if I can, you can too."

"Keep breathing, Jaehun-ah." Soojin muttered under her breath, crossing her fingers. "Just keep breathing."

_

Jaehun was trembling as he stood over the edge of the bridge. He could not take it anymore. He had tried his best to withstand the bullying which was way worse than what he faced in school but being stripped off your clothes, compelled to do lewd acts and watch the rest of the students and teachers ignore your existence was more than enough for Jaehun to bear.

He did not want to do this.

Because unlike last time, he had someone who cared for him dearly.

His Noona will be so disappointed in him.

But he'd rather see her disappointed than humiliated and she had enough on her plate than have a sorry being like him around.

He hoped and wished that she'd get over this. It should not have to be that painful, they were not blood related.

They were not even siblings.

He was a nobody to her.

Jaehun wiped the tears from his eyes, and took a deep breath. He had to just take one step forward and hope his head hit something hard so he would not try to swim through the current.

"Jaehun..."

Jaehun heard his name being called like a faint whisper against the strong winds. He furrowed his eyebrows and scanned around, only to hear the name being yelled aloud.

"YA YOON JAEHUN!" Soojin was yelling her lungs out as she ran across the bridge, searching for him. "JAEHUN-AH!"

Mr. Choi was on the other edge of the bridge, hurriedly running across as they ran past the long bridge until Soojin saw Jaehun standing on the edge.

She sighed, wiping her tears and thankful to see him alive.

"Noona?"

Soojin worried for the boy and stood back, "step down, Jaehun, you don't have to do this."

Jaehun cried, "you don't know me..." He repeated the same words they exchanged back on the same bridge.

Soojin's tears blurred her vision, "I know."

Jaehun let down his guard, turning to face Soojin only to lose his balance and fall off the bridge.

There was a scream. There was a splash. And then another.

Everything happened too fast. Jaehun slipped and fell in the water. Soojin did not think for a second when she followed him. She dived into the dark cold water for Jaehun and someone else jumped in the water for her.

Han Seojun.

The cold water and the sheer darkness easily overwhelmed Soojin as she tried to gain composure under water. The impact of the fall had caused her to go way too deep and almost lose her consciousness from the impromptu act of hers.

It all came back to her when she saw Jaehun drowning and she immediately caught hold of herself, swimming towards him. She could hardly see or hear, focusing only on saving the brother she always wanted and wished for. He did not seem to be conscious and she hoped he had not hurt his head.

However, she could not pull him up with her arms being numb and Jaehun's heavy mass. Soojin struggled to pull him up but found herself going deeper.

It was then she realized that someone else had also jumped in the dark lake and his arms wrapped around the boy, pulling him up swiftly.

Kang Soojin found hope in the eyes of Han Seojun who nodded in assurance.

Together they swam across the river and helped bring Jaehun on shore. Han Seojun was quick to give drowning CPR to the boy who coughed the water and sat up, shivering.

Soojin threw her arms around the scared Jaehun, crying herself.

"You scared me, you idiot." She said, hysterical and shaking in adrenaline, "you scared the shit out of me."

Jaehun coughed some more water and cried some more. He hugged his Noona and sobbed.

"Why me?"

"Because I love you!" 

That reassured Jaehun immensely, as warmth spread in his heart and the heavy weight he carried was instantly lifted. He cried and he cried when he hugged his Noona, admitting how scared and sorry he was.

"I am sorry. I am so sorry."

Han Seojun shook his head, running his hand through his wet hair and glanced at Soojin. He had never seen her so fanatic for another human being. So worried and scared. 

Jaehun lay back to catch some breath as the siren of ambulance was heard from the top of the bridge. 

Soojin approached the drenched Han Seojun with a thankful sigh. 

"Why did you jump?" She asked, shivering in the cold. "You could have injured yourself." 

"You jumped. So I jumped."

Kang Soojin could never win with words with Han Seojun. It was established long back that he always had a way with words. And right now, his words were once again swaying her erratic heart away.

"Gomawo," She said, looking at Jaehun and then at the people gathered over the bridge. "You should leave..." She hesitated, watching Seojun's cold features soften. "You would not want to be seen with me again."

Seojun raised his hand and brushed the hair strands off her face, "I don't care about that right now." His soft voice was once again proving to be Soojin's weakness. 

His fingers brushed her cheek and Soojin could feel them warm up at his touch.

"Are you okay?"

Soojin nodded, thankful for him being there for her. They stood facing each other in the dark night and cold breeze.

So many things to say yet nothing at all.

They were glad it was too dark for anyone to notice the idol and the bully together. 

Suho, Mr. Choi and the rest of the people caught up to them and Seojun was immediately wrapped in warm blankets and given hot beverage. While Jaehun was taken by the paramedics on a stretcher, Soojin was held by her Team Leader who seemed to be scared at the turn of events. 

Mr. Choi was quick to wrap his suit jacket over the shivering Soojin making Seojun fist his hands as he watched them. 

Suho on the other hand, was quick to take the idol back to the car to avoid any more media adversity and Soojin watched him leave.

It really did seem like they were more apart than they were closer.

_

a/n want someone to jump when i jump