I wanna hide the truth
I wanna shelter you
But with the beast inside
There's nowhere we can hide

- demons (imagine dragons)

58. demons

"Don't let the wound be exposed or it may cause an infection, also do apply this antiseptic cream - "

Kang Soojin noted everything that the doctor told her. After their very weird conversation, Han Seojun had called in their agency doctor to check on Soojin who for reasons they both knew, didn't want to go to any hospital.

There were a set of doctors assigned to the band and to the agency as a whole. Dr. Kim was a kind, old man, whom Seojun listened to more than the others. He was also the one who suggested Seojun to take up therapy and convinced him to consider taking medications.

Ever since, Dr. Kim has been deemed a very important person by the agency considering the impact he had on Seojun.

"This might sting a bit." The doctor brought out a tiny needle, injections never scared her but Seojun who stood next to them flinched. The doctor noticed how Seojun looked more affected than the girl who didn't bat an eyelid. "Seems like Seojun-nnie here is feeling the pain."

Soojin and the doctor chuckled when they saw Seojun's expressions change from worrying to a frown. He folded his arms across his chest and looked elsewhere, feigning anger. But he stood besides Soojin - throughout the entire thing.

The doctor bid the duo a sweet goodbye, asking Soojin to keep changing the dressing at intervals and to take caution with the bruise. Seojun noted everything that was told to her, snatching the prescription note from the doctor before Soojin could take it. He stuffed it in his pocket, after messaging his team assistants to get the required medicines.

"You should eat something - the dosage would be strong."

"It's just a little bruise." Soojin shook her head. She never had anyone fret over her in years - the last time being a decade back when Seojun would worry about her hands. "It'll heal on its own."

"That's exactly the kind of stupid I'd expect you to say."

Soojin frowned. "Did you just call me stupid?"

"Is there anyone else I'm talking to?"

They were in a staring contest. Both of them - despite nearing the age of 30 - looking like little kids from middle school.

"You're stupid."

"Wow, your comeback game is at the lowest, Kang Soojin."

Soojin gasped - folding her arms across her chest - but that was a mistake since the sudden movement caused a shiver of pain run through her arm. She flinched, holding her arm but Seojun beat her to it. He held her side, ever so gently as he helped her sit back in her seat.

"Is it hurting a lot?" He asked, on his knees yet again as Soojin glanced at the concerned boy. "I told you to be careful - " His little air puffs were providing no comfort to Soojin, but his actions were.

"How are you so bothered by a little wound of mine and then expect me to be nonchalant about the burdensome life you're living?"

Seojun stopped - his eyes darting to nothing in particular as he froze midway. His hand withdrew from hers, taking a minute or so to stand up and change his concerned expressions with the cold eyes.

Before Seojun could leave - more like run away again - Soojin held his hand, her warm touch resonated through the cold walls of his mind.

"What can I say or do to make you stay?" She sounded vulnerable, an emotion Seojun had never seen Soojin as. "I'll do anything for you. Anything - whatever you want, I'll do it. Just - just don't leave."

Seojun gulped, a lump in his throat every time he thought about his dead family. His father, his mother and his little sister, all of them gone before him - too early - too soon. And he was away from home a long time now, enough for him to lose his mind.

He felt a cold hand hold his hand, the one which Soojin had held. He looked down at the bloodied hand holding him and he shrugged it away - unknowingly shrugging Soojin's hand away too.

She felt bad - hurt even - but she withdrew her hand, looking at the man with hopeful eyes.

"Anything?" Seojun scoffed, pocketing his hands and held back the tears. "Can you get my mother and my sister back?"

This was the first time Seojun had spoken about his family in front of Soojin - or anyone for that matter. Soojin didn't expect Seojun to be so upfront but she was glad Seojun did speak up. If she could only get him to speak everything that he kept buried inside him, maybe things could be different.

"Seojun - "

"You have no right to barge in my life and turn it upside down - no right."

Soojin wanted to scream - curse at the man - but she didn't want to cause additional pain to him. She knew it wasn't Han Seojun speaking, but his buried trauma. She was also like that once.

Disagreeable, unapproachable and standoffish.

But it was Seojun who reached out to her when she refrained from seeking help and she wasn't going to leave him now when he was on the other end.

"I barged in your life?" Soojin sighed, standing up to face him. "We both know you came to meet me, Seojun, I was living my pathetic life just the same until one day you decided to grace me with your cold presence!" She wasn't shouting, yet her words had the same effect on him.

Seojun chuckled - humorless and with distaste. "You are still so full of yourself. The same old petty little princess under the disguise of a good-two-shoes, aren't you?"

It was a bliss they were by themselves in the conference room, a way they could talk without any intervention.

"Fine, I agree. I am still petty and selfish - and what did you call me the other day - bully? Sure, I am." It was taking all of her energy to not burst into tears. "But atleast I'm trying to change, to be different than what I was and acknowledge my wrongs. Atleast I'm not running away from them."

Seojun's eyes held a certain amount of rage, as he pinned his gaze with hers. "Running away? Seriously Soojin, did you not run away from your sorry excuse of a father back then instead of putting him behind bars? Or did you not run away from your problems onto a different fucking continent than face them? Did you not run away from Jugyeong and Suah rather than facing them and apologising?"

Their intense staring could burn the whole hotel down if it could. Meanwhile the couple of feet distance between them seemed too far because they could really just get it over with.

The sexual tension - as Jugyeong had pointed - seemed evident as they kept glaring at each other.

"You're being a jerk, a real fucking jerk." She couldn't help but condemn his bitter words. "I wish I could have been this despicable back then so we'd have no history to begin with." Her eyes betrayed her when a tiny drop of water rolled on her cheek, which she frisked away immediately.

But she couldn't walk away from the embarassment of crying in front of Seojun who had once again held her hand, this time pulling her towards him.

"Let go."

But Seojun chose not to listen to that soft whisper from the vulnerable girl, rather hold onto her soft hand with a tighter grip. He resisted her pushes, and her feeble attempt to separate them. He rested her back against the wall with a soft thud. He was upset but at the same time careful to not inflict further pain on her injured arm.

Soojin was trapped - like Seojun had once blocked her back then - between the wall and him. She looked up at the stubborn man, his hands resting on either side of her head. She couldn't help but hold herself, there was a strong urge - an urge she never felt before - to see what happens if she crossed the line.

Their faces weren't far apart and neither were their lips. Seojun was having an equally hard time as he refrained from looking at her red lips. They particularly looked inviting - and Seojun wondered if they tasted just as same as before.

"For someone who speaks so - " Soojin gulped, Seojun was way too close to her for her to think straight. "So highly about boundaries, you sure have no regard to mine."

Seojun couldn't fathom what Soojin was speaking, in the moment all he thought about was how he could just kiss her. He shut his eyes - cutting the distraction off completely as he took a deep breath.

"You don't understand, do you?" He was taking deep breaths, Soojin wasn't able to comprehend the situation either. "You don't understand how pathetic my life is at the moment and how miserable I've been."

Soojin held her breath - her heartbeats were dropping at the sheer amount of pain and misery in which Seojun spoke. How she wished to go back in time and see that carefree, goofy Han Seojun she once disliked. If she knew life would be so unfair towards him, she'd never take those moments for granted.

"All that's left to live is gone. All of my family members are dead. Everything that made me happy and content is taken away from me. And each second - " He opened his eyes, facing Soojin's tearful gaze. "Each second is a lifetime of hell for me. Each moment that passes reminds me of what I lost and what it could have been."

Soojin didn't feel anything when the doctor had injected the syringe in her arm, but Seojun's words were piercing her soul. Each sigh, each cry and each of those soft whispers were killing her slowly.

"You can call me whatever you want - a jerk, an asshole - but it won't change the truth of my life and my decision."

They stood there, longingly eyeing each other and wanting to do a lot more than just stare.

"Let me be your friend." Soojin spoke, softly and meaningfully. "Let me in just this one time - like I let you in my life back then. Give me a chance to be the friend you were to me and you don't have to change your decision either." Soojin's heart were beating aloud, she was taking a courageous step but there really wasn't much to do either.

"What do you mean?"

"You have less than a month to live, right? The KMF - it's in three weeks time and I promise, I won't ask you to change your decision. Just let me be. Just let me stay." She could feel her heart pounding in her ears, loud enough to deafen her. "I'll just be there for you - ask you nothing in return. You won't have to pretend to be mean or conceited, you won't have to walk on eggshells around me - we can just part away as good friends. That should not be hard right?"

Seojun tried to make sense of Soojin's proposal. It didn't quite make sense but on the other hand, it did. As long as she wouldn't budge him to keep living and he would not have to change his decision, it was okay.

A harmless friendship.

And only he knew how much he missed her around.

He missed her smell - that expensive perfume now replaced with a cheaper lily smell. Her eyes - that feisty spark in those black eyes and her dark bruised lips - which now looked soft and red.

"Chingu?"

Soojin nodded. "Chingu. Just like old times. I promise, I'll not cross anymore lines and just be a good friend."

Seojun could do with a friend.

He stepped back, hands to his side as he contemplated on her words.

A friend?

Suho wasn't a friend than more of a bother honestly and he didn't seem to reconnect with any of his previous friends. Maybe a friend during the last days wouldn't be as bad. He was also completely overburden by his thoughts and trauma.

A friend would be fine.

But, should he be friends with Kang Soojin when all he wanted to do was throw himself on her?

Or the fact that all he could think about was her kissable lips? Or how sweet she smelled and how warm her touches felt -

"A friend?"

"A friend."

_

A/N ik I'm late and I'm really preoccupied with December and Christmas around the corner. Updates might be slower.

Have a great December and lovely holidays <3