함께 설레이던 웃음 짓던 너와 나 다시

(You and I, we were all laughing together)

별이 되어 사라질까 봐

(I'm afraid you'll disappear and turn into a star)

-starlight (chani)

45. starlight

There wasn't a lot to wish for when you were Kang Soojin.

A room to sleep without the incessant banging and loud noises from outside the door. A chance to eat fully without worrying about burning calories. And a simple job, that could help ends meet without excessive worrying.

Needless to say, Kang Soojin had everything she needed. A little place to call home, albeit a little lonely too. She could eat whatever she wanted, and did occasionally. And a job that paid enough, probably a bit mundane but she liked it.

She liked her life. Surely, for a bystander, Kang Soojin's life was a basic ordinary life. It was dull, boring and really unambitious. No one would ever wanna dream about a life as Kang Soojin's.

But she did. She dreamt of a life just as simple and mundane as this. Because there was a time in her life where a basic life as such was a fever dream, a wish, a desperate need.

So, as opposed to others, 28 year old Kang Soojin was perfectly fine with her life, proud even. She had come a long way, all by herself and she wasn't going to take anything for granted. Her outlook towards life had drastically changed, thanks to a certain someone. Now she was more positive and kind. More helpful than demanding, cheerful than cold.

People who worked with her called her a ray of sunshine, and Soojin often chuckled at that tag. She always wondered how the old Soojin would have reacted to such a nickname.

She would have hated it. But secretly she'd be teary eyed.

That being said, no one who knew Soojin back then would recognise the present lively girl. The cold stare was replaced by warm gazes, eyes that carried the smile and a radiance that outshined through others. Her closed off attitude transformed into a welcoming aura and her hands no longer carried any scars from her wars.

Her hands were back to the soft, normal and ordinary hands like everyone else's.

Another ordinary thing she had, that was once impossible to overcome.

Soojin stretched her arms as she lay back on her office chair. A smile on her face and the thought of eating sushi in the afternoon cheering her up. She could also have some crab on the side. Maybe some oyster sauce?

She dropped a text to her roommate, asking him if he was free to eat some lunch with her and sat up to finish the pending work. Now that sushi was running in her mind at a faster pace, she could easily get done with her pending assignment.

Soojin worked for a Non-profit organization that focused on getting basic necessities to the homeless and shelters at a minimum price. Her job was to handle the PR team and come up with creative ideas, try to keep the name of the organisation away from backlashes and highlight the importance of their organisation.

She had worked her management degree at Boston University when she stayed with her aunt. She did her fair share of part time jobs. The barista at the cafe she worked as a cashier reminded her so much about the boy she once liked.

Liked? Loved? Maybe a bit of both.

But she knew for sure she owed him her life.

After graduating from the university, she came back to Korea having no other place to go to. The states were good, but it wasn't what she wanted. She managed to get a place in Busan and toiled to get a little comfort. The remainder of her youth were spend on paying the student loans and trying to make a livelihood.

It was a long uphill battle, but Kang Soojin knew she had fared well. Amidst the busy lifestyle, Soojin often kept an eye for the news citing k-pop bands and idols. And was the happiest when her favourite idol debuted five years ago.

Starlight was an idol group, first debuted in 20X0, with their album with the same name as the band. It took some time for them to rule the charts, but they managed to garner a lot of attention with the storm of Korean music being an international favourite thing. The band had topped the charts once again that year, their recent album garnering more attention than the album Red Velvet had dropped alongside theirs.

Han Seojun was the lead vocalist and guitarist, of Starlight, known for his swoon worthy looks, and ever so melodious voice.

Not only was he an eye candy, he was also known to be a closed off and a man of few words. The curiosity and the mysterious aura he carried always caught people's attention. He often made headlines with his band, the other members were all unbelievably handsome. His soft sad gaze and the unrecognisable tattoos on his arms were the talk of the town.

While many vouched for his singing talent, the others pointed out on his mysterious dark personality helping him with the fame. Nevertheless, Starlight was always in the top ten matters to discuss in South Korea, every alternate week.

And that caused Soojin to wonder how Seojun was, behind all of the fame and success.

She went no contact with everyone, including her family, high school mates and friends - if she even had any. That gave her no information about anyone. Neither Seojun nor others and the only time she heard about Jugyeong and Suho was when she came across an old classmate on the street.

Jugyeong was an influencer, running a YouTube channel about makeup tips and skincare. Her channel had almost 3 million subscribers, her confidence radiating in each of the videos. Soojin had glanced through some of the videos and found guest appearances from Suho (whom she is now engaged to), Suah (they're still best friends) and few others from her family.

Lee Suho looked happy and content too. He quit his studies for a while and helped with his dad's sickness, then got back to studying and was now a CEO at his father's company. The management of actors and idols felt important for the boy who had lost his friend to the succumbing pressure of the career.

Good for him, Soojin thought, he looked happy and Soojin didn't want anything lesser than that for Lee Suho and Lim Jugyeong.

She refrained from contacting them, not wanting to entangle with her past life. She knew they wouldn't want her back in their lives anymore after everything had peacefully resolved. Soojin did apologize to Jugyeong over a letter she posted from Boston, hoping to be forgiven for her reckless and selfish act.

Soojin didn't ask for a reply and neither did she get one. There was no use digging old graves. Although, she'd be lying to herself if she said she didn't miss any of them.

The company she worked for was a recognised non-profit organisation. It had connections with higher level authorities, and known personalities both local and international. Many celebrities, actors and idols would often brand and promote the company to help further the donations and welfare associations.

All in all, it was a good job and the pay wasn't the best, but she'd survive.

Until the very second, things had been quite the same. The same old routine work, go back home, eat and sleep and repeat. Then the very next second, she got an e-mail from her manger that got her stomach in a twisted knot.

Dear Team,

We are thrilled to announce the new product launch in collaboration with the famous singer, Seojun Han, the face of Starlight and HFA.

We also welcome Seojun Han in the HFA association and hope to see the collaboration bring fruitful results to all of us.

Kim Ji-Ho
CEO of HFA

"What?"

Soojin read the e-mail twice, and then backwards just to be sure of what she read. Although the company was huge and the chances of coming across Han Seojun was lower to none, she couldn't help but feel uneasy and nervous.

She knew this was just some management gimmick to save Starlight's reputation from its previous backlash and HFA could really benefit from the reach. But she didn't realise how closer she was to see the boy she once loved.

But he wasn't that boy anymore. His PR team played with the mysterious card well because she was curious about his life too.

The Han Seojun she knew would have been a cocky, extroverted and arrogant idol. One who could smile and enjoy the songs he wrote, one who could play his emotions on his beautiful face.

This one straight up didn't care about anything.

"Omo! Han Seojun!" Soojin held the urge to scoff, because the girls besides her were already in awe at the email. "I wish I could just see him once!" The younger one of the lot said, or squealed. "He is so hot, I will die!"

"His songs always carry a cryptic aura and his eyes!" The other one added, "I think if he ever looked at me, I might turn into stone."

The entire floor were in a discussing circle about the idol while Soojin sat back in her chair and sighed. The idea of sushi and oyster sauce was forgotten and the message from her roommate was ignored.

Surely she won't cross paths with him again. Right?

But a part of her wanted to. And desperately.

_

"You really think this is a good deal?"

Han Seojun lay quiet on the cushioned sofa. His head resting on the armrest and legs sprawled together. The late evenings were the only time he could get for himself. The one time he didn't have to roam around with his personal assistant, his band and the management team.

Night time was his time.

Lee Suho however did not know what personal space meant because he was always ready to barge in Seojun's alone time. Despite being the CEO of the company, Suho personally handled Han Seojun's contract.

After everything that happened to the man in the past decade, it was only for the best if Suho stuck with Seojun.

"Seojun?"

Suho got a grunt in response. The former knew that Seojun wasn't asleep. Not without the pills of course. Sleep was Seojun's foe.

"We can still rescind the deal. It's just a nominal termination fee and-"

"Aniyo." Han Seojun was immediate with the answer. He turned the other way, his back facing Suho's straight face. "Do it."

That was all he said and Suho was surprised at Seojun's vocabulary having more than one word answers. Lee Suho shut his laptop and dropped the dosage of sleeping pills neatly wrapped in a paper, at the coffee table.

"The meeting is in the morning at 8 am. Don't be late."

No response. Not even a little stir.

Suho held back his frustrated sigh and walked out of the little villa, not before a last glance at the infamous Han Seojun who seemed less and less of the Seojun he knew.

Once Suho was out of the room, Seojun relaxed and turned to face the white ceiling. His hand reached out to the pills and in a minute he swallowed them whole, a bottle of water to gush them down.

Now he had to wait. It normally took a minute, sometimes more, for the pills to numb his senses, slowly reaching his brain. Once they did, it took two blinks and Seojun would sleep until the medication wore out.

This time the medication didn't work effectively. He knew because he counted, it was three minutes and half and still no drowsiness or numbness. The ticking clock was the second loudest noise in the room, his heartbeats being first.

Then the routine scenario of the past flashed through his mind. The bloodshed, the screams, the smell of the hospital and the cold, very cold hands.

And with teary eyes, Seojun managed to overcome the darkness of the brightly lit room and his mind finally agreed to call it a night.

Tomorrow will be better. It will be. It has to be.

Because he was pinning all his hopes on it.

_

A/N how the turn tables...