20. close my eyes

"Se-yeon!" He called out to him, loudly, as much as he could fathom to scream, "YA SE-YEON-AHHHHH." He yelled, deafening the people who were around. "SE-YEON YOU IDIOT, YOU STUPID IDIOT... YOU..." He finally broke down, crying, on his knees, holding his heart, his chest that suddenly felt so heavy, heavier than the earth if that was even possible.

He cried, bitterly, tears streaming like a gushing river, vision fading from everything colorful to everything black. He held his head, trying so much to hold himself back, to hold his pain, to avoid crying here, but he could not help it. His best friend had killed himself. His best friend had forgotten about him, about their friendship, about the pain he left back and had fallen to his death.

But Han Seojun cried more because Se-Yeon died a very painful death, too soon, too early, too fast for him to get a hold of things. He hated how he was not there, he hated how Se-Yeon did not bother calling him, reaching out to him, he hated how he was still second to Suho, the guy who could save him but did not.

Han Seojun was always the second guy.

Always the last , always late.

Han Seojun eyes teared up when he felt Soojin struggling to get out of his hold. They were still seated on the cold floor, Han Seojun had wrapped his arms around the girl, holding her from behind, closer to himself. Soojin kept struggling out of his arms, but her strength was unmatched to the one who overpowered her, and all her fighting went in vain. Seojun took a deep breath, Soojin's arms were hitting his sides, she was way too strong than he anticipated yet he did not let her go.

The sky is colored violet
The lonely wind feels colder tonight

Han Seojun gulped, tears threatening to fall from his eyes. This was too hard for his fragile heart to handle, but with Se-yeon's memories flooding his mind and Soojin's cries haunting him, this was the first thing he thought to do. So he shut his eyes, letting go of this fear and imagined his best friend sitting in front of him, helpless, scared and wanting to die and he did what he would do then.

Sing

The familiar memories etched into my heart
I'm filled with you again tonight
Only thankful memories remain

Soojin stopped immediately, Han Seojun's soft, beautiful voice was like a whisper at first, then it was the only thing that resonated in her colorless room. She had her eyes shut, tears still running down her cheeks, yet the song, the soft song she had heard so many times before happened to hold a strong pull on her.

Our hearts fluttered and we smiled
But I'm afraid we'll become a star and disappear
So I'll cherish those memories in the empty spot of my heart

Soojin was panting, her sobbing was now little sniffs, scared and hurt as she stripped off her feelings in the arms of the guy she never really noticed before. But he was right here, in the foreground, not in the background anymore and as he continued singing, Soojin found her heart release the anchors and loosen up and her tears seemed to comply too. Seojun had held her, as the chorus approached, even closer, and she let him hold her.

She kept her eyes shut, and so did he.

When I close my eyes, you grow so clear
I long for you, who shined
I stayed in your spot for long nights
Let me rest for a moment, let me stay by your side

Han Seojun could see Se-Yeon standing on the railing, ready to fall to his death, ready to leave them all behind and he stood just behind him. He cried, singing to his best friend, the song they had composed, together, they had sang, together, they had dreamed off, together and Se-Yeon turned. Han Seojun could see him, heartbroken, yet smiling, teary face, yet brave and Se-Yeon reached his hand out to Seojun who took it at once.

Seojun gave no second thought as he hugged his best friend, even if that meant crushing his bones, he hugged him, crying, sobbing, tired. And he felt Se-Yeon hug him back.

With a tired heart, with tears
My song blossomed and once it reaches the sky
Slowly come to me as an eternal dream
As a star, by my side

Seojun broke the hug, he wanted to see his best friend one last time, but he was not there anymore, instead there was this girl in his place. Long black hair, disheveled, beautiful face, all stained with tears, pretty hands but worn out and torn, and red lips that never smiled.

Kang Soojin.

They lay there as is, Seojun still bear hugging the girl who had now curled up with her hands over her knees but there were no tears, not even the silent ones. There was nothing in that soulless room, except two broken hearts, trying their best to beat again. Two beautiful teenagers who never thought they would ever see the light of happiness and hope shine on them again and yet it was.

All they had to was reach out to it.

_

"Where is Han Seojun?" Lim Jugyeong asked Suho when he entered her house, the rest of her friends were all waiting for the two boys. "I thought you both were coming together."

Suho looked around the room, lit with balloons and flowers, lights and happy faces. It was Lim Jugyeong's father's 60th birthday and she had planned a cute little surprise for him by inviting all her close friends, Su-ah and her boyfriend Tae-Hoon, which also included Mr. Han, their homeroom teacher and Go-Woon, Seojun's sister, all of them awaiting the last two of the gang. He gulped, bowing at the birthday boy and the rest of Jugyeong's family while handing Mr. Lim the gift he bought.

How was he to tell them about Han Seojun's latest endeavor.

"Um..." Suho cleared his throat, lying was not his forte, clearly he missed Han Seojun at times like this. "Actually-"

"I am here."

The collective gaze of the entire clan landed on the entrance, Suho quickly dismissed to the side, the less attention on him, the better while Jugyeong and her family straightened up their smiles when they saw the very familiar figure behind a smiling Seojun. Soojin was completely out of place by being in the house of the girl she had blatantly berated, but this was unteachable to Han Seojun and she tried her best to disappear behind Seojun.

Lim Hee-Kyung, Jugyeong's elder sister stepped up, ready to pounce on the new entrant but Mr. Han stopped her, holding her arm, even Go-Woon and Lim Ju-Young were bothered by Soojin's presence, more so unwanted presence. Jugyeong held her breath, she did not want to create a scene, but she still felt so disturbed seeing Soojin in front of her.

Betrayal often hurt bad when its from the one you trust the most.

"What are you doing here?" Mrs. Lim, Jugyeong's mother, the abrasive one of the lot spoke, she would never be the one to hold back on speaking her mind. "Aigoo, some nerve-"

"She is with me," Han Seojun stood in front of Kang Soojin, swiftly, a smile still on his charming face and he rubbed his hand softly over his head. "Mian-hae," He bowed, his hand putting Soojin behind him, "I misread the text, I thought Jugyeong only wanted to meet up and I was already with Soojin." He said, bowing again, "its okay, we can leav-"

"Aniyo," Mr. Lim said, he did not like the tension between the friends, he liked this lot of people. His daughter finally had some good friends who loved her for who she was, and Seojun leaving would dishearten the entire lot. "The more the merrier," He smiled, half-heartedly, calling out to the duo to join them, ignoring his wife's glares. "Come in, deul-eowa."

That settled the matter, although frowns more than smiles as the crowd walked towards the birthday cake, Seojun still shielding Soojin, Suho and Jugyeong to be the last ones to remain. "Mian-hae, Jugyeong-ah," Seojun apologised, he did not know this was a birthday party, blame his lazy habits of not reading the entire text. "I did not know."

"Gwenchana," Jugyeong was only eyeing Soojin, who had her gaze lowered for the first time, "I am glad you are here."

For who that statement was, they could not really tell but Jugyeong left soon after that as Suho sighed, glancing at the duo. He took a step towards the girl, Soojin did not look good to him, but Seojun stood his ground, covering the girl from his sturdy physique. "Ya Lee Su, you should have told me that this was a birthday party." He covered it up slyly, Suho now looking at Seojun from the nervous Soojin.

"I did not know that you are an idiot still." He replied, and walked off, joining the rest of them who were cheering the happy Mr. Lim into a speech.

Han Seojun turned to see Soojin, "Mian-"

"Save it." She shook her head, looking at him, red eyes evident to her vulnerable state just few minutes back. "I am leaving..."

"Oh no, no," He held her arm, straight-away pulling her towards him, "no, you are going nowhere."

"Ya Han Seojun," Her soft voice convincing him that she should not be left alone, "I don't even remember following you till here, and honestly, I need to go back before my App-" She held her retort, taking a deep breath, "i need to go."

"ANI." He said aloud, startling the girl, "ani," he softened his voice, "you are not going, ani ani ani."

"Wae?" She asked, trying to get his hand off hers, glancing at the crowd behind him, "this is not the place for me."

Han Seojun chuckled, "Soojin, they are your friends." He said, boring into her sad eyes, "nothing will change the fact that they were your friends once and you loved them. You still do."

Soojin had no words to retort back and she gulped, scared she would cry again. After their intimate hug, things unravelled pretty fast. Han Seojun had waited until she washed her face and without a single word, held her hand as they stepped outside. She did not even remember what excuse he had given to her mother about him being there or where they were heading, but she did notice how her mother was disturbed and probably cried too.

She should not let such things affect her, Soojin shook her head, nothing could take her mind off the thing she had planned to do. It was too late for changes and adjustments.

"HAN SEOJUN-AH..." Jugyeong called out to the boy, "you are missing out, we will be finishing all of the cake."

"COMING."

With that Han Seojun dragged Soojin again, like the last time he did back in school, the day he had first planned to deceive her. Soojin followed the boy, confused and tangled with her own feelings while Seojun brought her towards the circle, where cheers and laughter were louder than their insecurities and fears. They all sang the birthday song, Han Seojun's hand still holding onto Soojin's arm, he knew she would run if he left her.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUU...."

They all screamed, the crazy Lim kids had each taken a piece and smashed it on their father's face, cheering and laughing and Soojin watched the kind man smile and laugh even louder. He then fed them all a piece, she noticed how Mr. Lim had cut a big piece for Lim Jugyeong, feeding her and applying some cream on her nose and they hugged.

At that moment Soojin felt how unlucky she really was.

She shifted closer to Han Seojun, inadvertently, and the boy noticed that, letting her stay near him. The gang then all fed cake to Mr. Lim, clicking pictures and posing, while Han Seojun stayed back with Soojin besides him.

"OPPA!" Go-Woon called out to her brother to join them, but Seojun would not let go of Soojin's hand. "We wanna click a group picture."

Soojin held Han Seojun's hand with her left hand, and her soft touch with a nod was affirmation enough for the boy to know that she would not leave and he nodded back. Soon he joined the clan, Jugyeong applying cream on his face and he applied some on Suho's face, the pictures being clicked by Mr. Han, as Soojin watched them from the distance.

"Here you go,"

She looked at the little piece of cake given to her on the china dish, and then at the kind man who had offered it to her. His face was covered with cream, he looked ridiculous to say the least, but to Soojin he seemed like the best father there was.

"gamsa hamnida," She bowed, politely, accepting the sweet gesture. "seonsaengnim saeng-il chughahabnida," (happy birthday, sir)

He only smiled before he was called back by his wife and Soojin looked at the piece of cake handed to her, and then at Han Seojun who was glancing at her at intervals. He looked worried when Mr. Lim had approached her but seeing the cake in her hands, he smiled and she smiled back.

Slowly come to me as an eternal dream
As a star, by my side

_

pretty much the most emotional and beautiful chapter I've ever written in my entire life.

the song is attached. hope it makes you cry too like it made me