14. a ruse

Kang Soojin was miserable by the second. The more she walked the more pathetic she felt. With each step the thought of embracing death became a bit more comforting and she'd rather stay here in the dusky streets than go home.

She didn't even have a home.

Soojin felt the uneasiness choking her, she felt terrible at how she must have come across the two boys and how desperate she looked there. How she comes off as a badass girl only for her to be the weakest amongst them all. How she would vanish and there wouldn't be anyone who'd notice her absence.

The car that sped across her grabbed her attention, she looked around, the isolated street and racing cars were the best option at the moment. It was an intersection where she stood, an accident prone sign lay on the side of the road and Soojin eyed the car that approached her. She timed it, and took a step back, the speed wasn't enough, the most it could do was break some bones. She waited for another car, maybe some reckless driver will speed along like a madman and take her alongwith it.

So she waited and she waited.

The dusky evening switched to a dark night rather quickly as Soojin stood frozen in the same place as she was an hour back. Time stood still for her and she waited, she forgot why she was waiting at that point. But she stood still, it'll come to her what she wanted to do.

After all, she was Kang Soojin, the smartest in the school.

Second smartest.

And mindlessly she stood there. Hoping the reason why she waited would soon come to her.

Han Seojun on the other hand was tired of waiting, impatient was his middle name. He had followed the girl ever since she walked on the streets like a zombie. Hell, even zombies walked with a purpose, she was barely breathing from what he could see.

There's a lot of things Han Seojun could have done differently.

He could have avoided heartbreak by not getting involved with Lim Jugyeong especially when he knew she liked someone else. He could have prevented Suho from being an isolated boy if he didn't blame him wrongly. He could have saved his best friend from death if he had held his hand, not letting him leave, assuring him and reassuring him that they were there.

Han Seojun had a long list of his could haves and should haves and as he followed Kang Soojin, he didn't want to add another could have with her. He had already lost one best friend, two rather since Suho and him weren't the same as they were, he had lost Lim Jugyeong's friendship because he fell for her.

He had lost his father too, a tale not many knew about and even though he loved his mother and sister, he really wanted his dad sometimes.

And now when he had no one with him, he's not going to sit around for Soojin to join the list.

So he followed her around. He had parked his bike in a garage, and slowly followed the girl. She wasn't observant or alert to her surroundings considering how she almost tripped over a sewage door and pushed through a lady without apologising. He knew that if he had jumped in front of her, she still wouldn't react.

Kang Soojin.

He didn't know what was wrong, but he could sense the gravity of the situation. He wanted to break the girls' heart, and he intended to stick to his plan but how would he proceed with it when she was completely broken.

And then he saw her standing on the intersection, watching the cars running past her, vehicles zooming through the accident prone area and Han Seojun gulped in what he knew was fear. What was the girl thinking? She didn't stay in this side of the city, and she didn't have anyone either who did.

So he waited. He waited as she waited, and when Soojin stood still, calculating the speed at which her life was running towards destruction, Han Seojun rested his back on the wall, watching the girl lose herself. He waited, patiently, he didn't want to save her but he didn't want her to die either.

What was this dilemma.

After an hour when Soojin finally contemplated taking a step ahead, he stood straight, eyeing the girl. She was just a couple of feet away from him, speed was his forte as an athelete and so were his quick reflexes. But Soojin didn't take the step, instead she sat down, tired of being tired.

She sat down on the pavement, and when Han Seojun watched her, he felt extremely sorry for the girl. Never did he expect Kang Soojin to be anything but this. He sat down besides her, an arm distance yet she didn't flinch nor did she turn towards him. She didn't question him or noticed him or bothered about him but she sat still, eyeing blankly ahead and Han Seojun's eyes were fixated on her.

It took a good ten minutes for Kang Soojin to break the silence as she wrapped her arms around her knees, bringing them closer to slow beating heart, "how did you feel when Su-yeon died?"

Out of all the things Han Seojun expected Kang Soojin to say, this was never in the least on his mind. He immediately turned towards her, a little confused, a lot startled.

"Sorry," She replied before he could fathom the situation, "it's personal, I should not have..." And her words drowned in the windy air, bringing Han Seojun to look keenly at the disturbed girl. Her baggy hoodie thrown over her head where her hair messily lay playing rather fighting against the wind and then there were those hands of hers, duller than a polar night and her eyes, exhausted.

She looked so much like Su-yeon to him.

Before he killed himself.

They sat there in silence again, losing track of time. Han Seojun felt like he was sitting with some stranger, someone he didn't know, and Kang Soojin wasn't the same anymore to him. Gone was the prim and proper, cold like ice and sharp like knife girl, rather here she hardly looked like the mean bitchy girl he vowed to destroy.

She looked destroyed herself.

"Ya Kang Soojin..." He cleared his throat, uncomfortable by this same body different personality Soojin he was sitting with, "you're scaring me. It's late anyway, I'll drop you home." He tried getting a faint reaction from her or even a slight change in her demeanor but she kept staring at the same nothingness in front of her. "We can go by cab... I know you hate my bik-"

"I'm hungry." She cut him off, now turning to face him, expressions still ghostly and sad. "Do you want to eat something?"

Seojun was taken aback by the way she went from the death of his best friend to being hungry, nevertheless he nodded. "My home's right around the next lane, we could eat some ramyeon." He suggested the first thing that ran in his mind before Kang Soojin would drive him crazy.

Soojin stood up immediately, dusting her hands and fixing her hoodie, patting her jeans while Han Seojun followed suit. "Ramyeon sounds good."

_

All mothers often go dramatic when their kids go missing for a few hours, calls unanswered, texts unread and Han Seojun's mother was no different. The moment he rang the doorbell, his sister opened up and yelled aloud to their mother that the brat had arrived. Han Seojun hissed at the adjective but he couldn't do more considering his mother literally ran towards him.

"Ya!" She started, holding his arms, even though Seojun was tall, for her he'd always be a baby, "how many times have I told you to drop a text whenever you're going somewhere." She pulled his ear, making his sister laugh and for Han Seojun to yell in despair. His Omma please chants went unheard as Mrs. Han scolded him for riding the bike and for not texting them.

"Why don't you stay with your bike the whole time..." She yelled, pulling his ear again, "why come here?"

"Ya Omma, I was with- aigoo that hurts- with Soojin- my hair!" He was finally relieved off the pain when his mother noticed the pale girl standing besides him and she was now a bit red in embarrassment.

Soojin bowed as she greeted the woman, Han Seojun's mother however took no time in holding the girl in her arms. She held her shoulders, "aah, my pretty girl," She said aloud, "you left so hurriedly last time..."

"I'm sorry," Kang Soojin politely said, "i should not have left without meeting you. I'm sorry."

"Aniyo, aniyo, Han Seojun does the same, come and goes around unannounced." She glared at the boy who was fixing his hair, "why don't you come in, this time you'll have to dine with us." His mother tugged at her arm and Soojin looked at the warm hand that held her and then at Han Seojun.

He nodded and Soojin entered the Hans' home for the second time, this time she felt less of uneasiness more of familiarity. While they went in, Seojun's sister frowned, but Han Seojun pushed her aside and moved in. "Oppa!"

"Wae? You called me a brat."

"Well you brought her here!" Go-woon said, angrier and loud, enough for Soojin to hear.

"Go-woon-ah that's not how we greet guests," Mrs. Han was soft when she wanted to and strict when needed, Go-woon pushed the spectacles on her nose. "And Soojin is elder to you, you have to call her unnie."

"But Omma!"

"Gwenchana,"

Go-woon and Soojin had timed that well but no one dared cross Mrs. Hans orders and the matter was settled. Seojun guided Soojin  towards the washroom and then greeted his mother with a back hug as she boiled the noodles. "Omma, you know I'm always going to be home. Always."

Mrs. Han feigned being upset and Han Seojun rested his chin on her shoulder, hugging her, "you look so much prettier when you're angry, aigoo." He teased her and that made the woman smile, and Han Seojun felt at ease again.

He was what they called a Momma's boy and Han Seojun was proud of that tag. He helped her with the food, and by helping it meant him taking a bite of all the side dishes until Mrs. Han threw him out of the kitchen.

Han Seojun looked around to find his sister setting the table while Soojin was nowhere around, and then he heard the water from the tap continuously flowing.

Was she still in there?

How long has it been, fifteen something minutes?

Han Seojun knocked the door, "ya, you okay?"

On cue the tap was closed and the door was opened where Kang Soojin came out, hands redder than before if that was even possible. "Um, there's no..." She raised her wet hands halfway and Han Seojun grabbed a hand towel which he and his sister had a habit of throwing around after drying their hands. "Gomawo," She said, drying them and Seojun looked at her hands, clean but not pretty.

"Ya Kang Soojin..." He called out to her before she could exit the room, "are you really okay?"

Soojin met his eyes, his soft, warm, and puppy eyes which she often saw fixated at Jugyeong all the time. How that naive girl never noticed Seojun was beyond her but nonetheless, she could see why girls would flutter around the gangster.

Han Seojun didn't know why he asked her, but he wanted to know, moreover he couldn't help but be involved in her life. She was a mystery, truly, says a thing, does another, acts like it's all good even when it isn't and something in those sharp eyes keep captivating his attention.

Kang Soojin smiled in response, a smile, not just a twitch, or a smirk, a smile.

"Why wouldn't I be?" She blinked, smile etching from ear to ear, and Seojun kept staring at her, "it's all okay." She blinked again in reassurance, and walked out to sit at the table and Han Seojun stood still.

That smile didn't reach her eyes.

That smile isn't real.

It's all a ruse.

_

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