I hate my self. I honestly do. I mean why the heck can't I shake him off my mind. I did that during last season and after. I swear I'm gonna go insane. Just please I don't want to close my eyes and see him I just want to sleep. I mean if I let my mind wander it always goes to my crush. It makes me seem obsessed and shit but honestly I am not. I just want to go on with life and act like I never met him because he doesn't like me back.

Sometimes I wish I could control who and what I like. Please. I mean I just want to be friends with him now mind. Please understand that.

Sometimes I just want to scream every time he appears in my mind and tell him to go away. I thought this year would be fine because he joined a different section in the band... But now I see him more than I would have if he were a flute.

FML.