When I woke up, everything had been finished. It was calm and peaceful and there was no sound. The only thing I could hear was the soft creaking of the bathroom door.

Estella was lying on the floor, head propped up against the edge of the bathtub. Her chest was bleeding and so was the back of her head. Her skin had a tinge of blue. It was too late for her, and plus I didn't want to look at her anymore.

But Devyn was a different story. His chest was still moving and there was less blood dribbling out of a small wound in his head. 

I pressed my ear to his chest. I could feel his heart thumping, but it was slow. His skin was pale. I swallowed and grabbed his wrist. 

I dragged him along, supporting him. Nobody saw me. When I glanced at the clock on Estella's wall, I realised it was 2 a.m. A few hours after I had been knocked out.

Estella's body was still in the bathroom when I reached our room. And it remained there until a day after. The day after - also known as the day we leave.

Déjà vu overwhelms me as Devyn, Julian and I stand on a flat strip of road. The private plane is already on the ground, but apparently they still need preparing.

Devyn squeezes my hand, just like I squeezed Gwen's years ago. But, unlike then, the wind's calm and peaceful. Like it's mourning Estella's death too. I shake the thought from my mind. I don't want to think of her.

"I'm sorry," Julian whispers. My head jerks away and I ignore him, tears pricking at my eyes. This can't happen. Not now. Not ever.

Thankfully, an air hostess walks up to us. "The plane is ready. You can board now." her eyes sweep over us. "...if you want to."

"No." Devyn clears his throat. "it's fine. Thank you. We'll board now." he tugs my hand and we walk to the stairs leading up to the plane.

"Want to say a final goodbye?" Devyn asks. I turn around. I can see the airport, but I'm looking beyond that. Beyond that, at the resort, at the snow-covered hills, at the secrets buried there. I mouth the word goodbye.

Devyn tugs on my hand again, and I follow him to the inside of the plane. It's mostly the same as last time's. Full of food and drinks. But I know I won't taste them. There's a lump in my throat.

A different air hostess leads me to a seat. It's across from Devyn's. There's a mini table with a wrapped tuna sandwich and a bottle of apple cider on it.

The flight goes by quickly. For most of it, I just stare out the window or close my eyes and try to sleep. But I can't. I'm scared of the nightmares.

The plane finally lands outside the airport. Devyn walks over, probably to wake me up, but I'm already standing up and pulling my suitcase out of the compartment.

I carry my suitcase down the iron steps, racing towards a taxi. Devyn catches up with me, grabbing my shoulder. "Delfi! Delfi, are you okay?"

I turn to look at him. He's combed back his blonde hair so I can see his eyes. He looks worried, and it's just struck me that I've been a horrible friend.

And now I'm thinking about Avery, because there wasn't a moment in time since I started the organisation where Avery wasn't there for me. We might've been friends by association, but we were friends all the same.

Now it's all gone.

And the tears bubble up and I can't control them anymore. Right here, outside the airport on a random strip of road, I bury my face in my hands and start crying.

It's not a quiet cry. It's full - on, puffy eyes, red cheeks, crying. My metallic blue suitcase lands on the road with a thud, but I don't care.

Everything that I've been holding in is appearing again, just when I thought they were gone. Just when I thought they were over. My legs give in and I drop to my knees.

Devyn drops down next to me, putting his arm around my shoulder. My nails dig into the black asphalt and my fingers are bleeding.

Julian runs over, towing his suitcase and Devyn's behind him. When he sees me crying, even after everything I've done to him, he drops to the ground too and holds his hand out.

He's holding a piece of paper. On it is Avery's scrawly handwriting, a note written in pen. A memory. Of him. I take it with shaking hands.

Dear Delfi,

If you're reading this, I'm probably dead. I know that's cliche, but whatever. Here are a few things I've wanted to tell you.

First, I love you. Yeah, yeah, cliche. And not in that way. You're like a sister to me. You might say we're friends by association, but I still love you. You're the sister I never had.

Second, help Reelinn. She'll break down with me gone. You and I are the only ones who keep her together. You didn't know this, but now you do. Comfort her. Be there for her. I know you can do the job alone. 

Third, understand that I did this for you. Not just for you, though; for Devyn and Julian and Reelinn. I did this for all of you. Be brave. Be strong.

Goodbye.

- Avery

Julian steps away, as if expecting me to attack. Then he straightens, sends me one more sad look, and tows all of our suitcases away to the taxi, wiping his eyes with his sleeve.

"You okay?" Devyn asks when the sobs subside. They threaten to come back again, but I remember who I am. That I have to be strong. That I have to be what everyone expects me to be.

"Yeah. I'm - I'm alright," I say. When I turn, I see shiny drops of silver are sliding down his face too. I've been so concentrated on myself that I hadn't noticed.

I have to remember that I'm not the only one who misses Avery. 

Taking a deep breath, I look at him. "Are you? I... I bet I'm not the only one who misses... him." my voice cracks. Devyn grabs my hand and we both stand up.

He looks straight down the road. "I am, and I know. But maybe this is our chance. To make a new beginning." the sky is blue as I've ever seen it..

"Yeah. Yeah. That - that sounds nice." I reach out and touch his arm. My fingers barely brush his skin. But he smiles gently all the same.

"Let's go, Devyn."

~

Reelinn runs over to me and hugs me tight. "Oh my God, I missed you so much. You and Devyn and you especially and ahh! Hey... where's Avery?"

She's smiling. So wide. And I don't know what to tell her. I don't want to tell her. But I have to, so I step forward and hold her hands and take a deep breath.

"Avery's... gone," I say. Reelinn squints at me, then shakes her head.

"No... no. That's not true." she eyes look down to the floor, darting around as if searching for something. She looks up at me. "Right?"

I glance at Devyn, but he's also looking at the ground. His cheeks are flushed and his eyes are glimmering. I look back to Reelinn.

"It's true," I whisper. Reelinn stares at me with disbelief before looking down at the floor again. I exhale, since I can't hold my breath any longer.

"Avery's... gone." she repeats what I said slowly. She looks at me, and then Julian, and then Devyn. And she walks away.

My first thought is to go after her, but Devyn catches my wrist and shakes his head just slightly. I let it go and stand back, watching Reelinn leave.

~

The corridors are empty. It's almost curfew. But I slipped out just to see Reelinn, because I'm sure she needs help. When I get to the door, I knock on it lightly.

There's a click from the other side, and then Reelinn opens the door. She's wearing her navy blue hoodie and her eyes are red and puffy. Tucked under her arm are Avery's old books.

"I - Delfi. Come in," she says, rubbing her eyes. Leaving the door wide open, she steps aside. I walk in, looking around.

The wall on the right has paint peeling off and it's broken in some parts. Reelinn had removed all of Avery's posters. The books under her arm are probably going into the trash can too.

"Why are you doing this?" I turn towards her, and she looks slightly shocked. Eyebrows raised, mouth open. But she shakes her head, throwing the look off her face.

"I - I need to forget. I know there'll always be an extra place where he used to be -" she raises her hand in the direction of his bed limply, then lets it fall back to her side, "- but I can try it. Maybe one day I'll stop remembering."

The floorboards creak when she drops Fundamentals of Forensic Science into a black plastic bag. I stare in disbelief.

"This isn't the way." I crouch down and pick up the thick book from out of the shiny plastic bag. She doesn't stop me. I brush it off with the tips of my fingers.

Reelinn wraps her arms around Criminology. There are tears falling from her eyes silently as she hugs the book closer to her chest.

"I know. I know it isn't. But I - I can only try, and try and hope that one day I'll forget it all, and I'll forget him, and everything will be alright and I won't have to think about him anymore, and I can just be -"

She stops abruptly when I wrap my arms around her. The thick books fall from her arm as she hugs me back tightly. When she finally releases me, she looks somewhat better. 

I clear my throat. "There's... Avery left me a note. Before he died. He told Julian to give it to me, but only if he died. And... well... I - here it is."

The second I take the paper out of my jacket pocket, she snatches it and unfolds it. Her eyes scan the paper, her shoulders starting to relax. 

When she finally gives the paper back, she seems... refreshed. Well, not refreshed exactly, more like... restarted? As if she were a computer you had just shut down and turn on again.

"Thank you," she whispers hoarsely. She looks up at me, hair falling into her face. "thank you." without another word, she pushes me out, and with one last sad smile she shuts the door.

~

"You don't understand, Sir. His... predicament did not come into interference in the mission. We completed the mission anyway." I spread my arms, feeling tiny before the raised platform.

Julian sits behind me, not saying anything. His head is bowed, blue-streaked hair blocking my view of his face. "Please, Sir."

The man in front of me shoots me a look. He's a businessman - a rich one - but to us, most importantly, he's the head of the organisation. His name is Carmelo Dane, but of course no one calls him that. We just call him 'Sir'.

"But didn't he risk having the mission fail, Nieve?" he replies emotionlessly. I cringe, realising he's right. "besides, didn't he kill one of your... friends?"

I freeze. I look to my left just in time to see Reelinn bury her face in her hands. But I take a deep breath and keep on talking anyway.

"That is true, yes. But didn't we..." I protest, but he waves his hand and cuts me off mid-sentence. Anger bubbles up inside me.

I'm fighting for Julian. Fighting for his life. And he can't do anything except bow his head and not speak while I'm here, protesting in vain to save him. It's not right.

Carmelo Dane shakes his head in disappointment. "Julian Baxtter. Execution. Tomorrow. Get through the paperwork, y'all!" he addresses the people standing beside him.

They all scurry to obey him. He stands up, gives one more look of disdain, before walking off towards an exit. I turn to Julian.

He looks up at me, and his eyes are shiny. "I'm sorry. Really, Delfi." he takes my hand and kisses my forehead before following after Carmelo Dane.

~

2 Years Later

It's been two years after my last mission, and it's weird how little has changed. Life goes on, I learnt. The sun still rises and sets. Snow still falls past our window in winter and it's still swelteringly hot in summer. Devyn still leaves his dirty clothes on the floor. Reelinn still turns on old songs when I'm hanging out with her.

But I think we're all a little different. A little wiser. A little older. A little more wary of love, as if we weren't wary enough in the beginning.

Julian, as according to Carmelo Dane's order, was executed. I couldn't watch. But I still visit his room sometimes, just to remind myself of him. His roommate understands.

And it's all beautiful. Even with Avery gone. Maybe his death made me... better. I know he wouldn't be angry at me when I say that. He knows.

"Knock knock." a voice sounds from behind my door. I recognise it. It's Reelinn. The door swings open by itself. I copied the keys to my room and gave the copy to Reelinn.

We chat. Just like old times. Not about assassinations. Not about before. About other things. Unimportant things. Like music and art and beaches. Not books, because they remind me too much of Estella.

Reelinn grabs my shoulder just before she leaves. The sun has set already, and we missed dinner. Time flies, I guess. We've been talking for two hours.

"I miss Avery," she says. I meet her eyes. Something passes between us. Maybe it's understanding. She smiles before turning away and leaving.

"Reelinn," I call, softly, just loud enough for her to hear. "I miss him too. You're not the only one." she looks away, flashing another smile, before closing the door.

I flop onto my bed, tucking my legs to my chest. Staring out the window. Night has come. It's dark and there aren't any stars in sight.

In Wales there were.

There's a yellow Post-It note on the bed. It's a note from Devyn. That he'll be out late. That's okay. I'm not angry. Maybe before, I would've been. But this isn't before.

Not a lot has changed. The sun still rises and sets. Snow still falls past our window in winter and it's still swelteringly hot in summer. Devyn still leaves his dirty clothes on the floor. Reelinn still turns on old songs when I'm hanging out with her.

But we're still different. Some things, little things, are different. And those little things, no matter how small, make everything seem different.

That's what I wanted, wasn't it? Right from the start.

A new beginning.