I couldn't fall asleep, so I wrote this rather depressing fic. To be honest, I've never really liked Near. I guess I just found him a bit...annoying and a bit too much like L. I'm trying to like him as a character, so I'll try with this fic.

"There's no evidence of me ever having been loved

The happiness that came without stopping also disappeared

I flipped over the leftover toy-box

Controlling myself, I smile

I could see the world of adults through the crack

The dirty and suffocating treasure chest of trauma

My world that was built up in the closet

Is a country of beautiful and clear dreams and hopes"- Adult's Toy, Vocaloid, Kagamine Rin

I think the song suits Near, don't you?

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I've never felt so cold, so empty before. I am what they call an empty plastic shell, completely hollow, with nothing inside to give it life. I have claimed victory just a few hours ago. Kira was found dead on a staircase (must have died because of all the bullet wounds). I should feel happy, relieved that this is all over, but I don't. An empty void has formed ever since I've beaten Kira. This very case has snatched everything I know away from me, torn them apart and cast them aside. Matt, Mello, Wammy's House, Watari, L and finally my sanity. Gone. No matter how hard I've gripped onto these precious pieces, the case has pried them away from my little, pale fingers.

I clutched my custom figuring's in the clammy palm of my hand a bit tighter. From the corner of my eye, I see a Kira figuring cast aside, lonely. I purposely left it that way. Hatred? Vengeance? Perhaps I am feeling that way. The reasons are all too obvious. I slowly get up and walk towards the figuring, crushing it with my feet, ignoring the broken plastic shards and make my way to my toy box filled with puzzles, Legos and action figures. I carry a box full of Legos back to my spot on the soft, carpeted floor and start making my little utopia.

I guess that's the reason why I like busying myself by playing with toys. Every so often, I need something to manipulate, something to gain complete control over. The world around me is so vast and frightening. The wonders might crush me all at once when I step foot outside. Out there, I rule nothing. I am nothing. While inside here, I have the SPK and my own world of Lego blocks, action figures, puzzles and board games to authorize. These thoughts whirl around my head, as I work on the skyscrapers of my "city". I suddenly recall Mello yelling at me saying;

"I'm not a tool for you to use, to solve the puzzle!"

I almost laughed and cried at the line. Surely everyone here is a tool. They have no other choice. I am the leader of the SPK and I'm chosen to be in charge of the case, so everyone involved has to be a puzzle piece for me to solve the puzzle. I almost teared up because I know the feeling of not wanting to be something you are destined to be. A chess piece couldn't rebel against the one who runs the game, no matter how hard it tries. Heck, I didn't even want to carry the burden of avenging L, but I had no other choice. It's sort of the same with Mello. Looking back, I feel a tinge of guilt for smirking at the line. Poor Mello, you died without the chance of being the puppeteer.

I worked on the intricate roads, sidewalks and placed tiny, plastic cars on the road. Which city is it? LA, New York, Tokyo or Winchester? It's a combination of all. They're all the cities I've been to, the major settings of my life story. I have finished building my "city", complete with skyscrapers that stand a bit taller than me, intricate historical buildings and broad freeways. I hesitated a bit as I built the very street where Matt died, while being surrounded by Takada's bodyguards. Poor Matt, you died without being recognized by others (except for Mello of course).

The city stands, complete. I then add the final touch. I place the figuring's exactly where they belong, and where they would have been if it wasn't for the Kira case. Gevanni walks into the room (to check on me) and admires my work.

"Impressive, Near."

"Thank you, Gevanni." I said with my usual cool, monotone voice.

"Is that LA, New York, Tokyo and Winchester combined?" He asked.

"Yes."

"It's impressive on how you can memorize all the city maps with just a single glance."

I nod, unsure of what else to say.

"Hey, is that the SPK headquarters right there?" He points to a skyscraper comprised of light blue Lego pieces.

I nod.

"Anyways, I was wondering if you would like something to eat. Halle has just baked some cookies, chocolate chips to be exact."

I politely shake my head. "I'm not hungry."

I've never been hungry before. I only eat for nutrition, not for taste and I will only eat when someone forces me to. I just don't comprehend the meaning and the feeling of gluttony. This might have something to do with my tiny, frail appearance.

"Okay then, you can help yourself whenever you like. The cookies are sitting on a tray in the meeting room." Gevanni left with a wave and a warm grin.

I smile back. I guess I'm not alone after all. At least nothing has seized the other SPK members...yet. Even though they are my chess pieces, they are made to entertain, to warm the hearts of the game-runners. I guess Kira hasn't found that out. It seems he hasn't been truly happy ever since he stumbled upon the black notebook. Not only did it take his happiness away, but the others' involved as well. Just how much did we sacrifice for the sake of justice?