Jordan put the stuffed cat down on his bedside table and dusted off the lovingly knitted blue wool.

"Who would leave an adorable little thing like you all alone in a gift shop?" he smiled. Radish's ear wilted. "Well, looks like we're both stuck here, buddy," Jordan sighed and proceeded to the Mudpuppy Motel's gift shop for his next shift.

As soon as his sneaker disappeared out the door, a pair of bright blue catlike eyes blinked open in the shadows behind his dresser. The black cat slunk around the corner of the old furniture and hopped up beside the stuffed animal.

'Oh how adorable!' she purred, nuzzling against the soft, cuddly plush. It smelled like love.

'Meowzie!' That was when GCAT hopped up on the side table with her. He cast a nervous glance at the stuffed animal. 'What are you doing here? With... That?'

'That silly human just left it here. Isn't it wonderful?' she purred. Meowzie never called him wonderful...

'It's um... Mine.' he said quickly, 'You go on ahead, I'll catch up.'

'Stupid ball of stuffing...' GCAT thought as hard as he could once they were alone. 'There's only room for one adorable little thing in this town, and it's me.' He swatted it off the table. Radish fell facedown on the floor with a soundless thump. GCAT's paws quickly touched down beside him with feline grace.

'Sorry, amigo,' He held up a paw armed with a full set of sharp claws, 'there's no room at the inn.'

GCAT's claws immediately hooked themselves through the delicate weave and were stuck. All reason gave way to catlike panic as he rolled onto his back, paws scrabbling as he tried to free them from their yarn prison. GCAT rolled over and over his fluffy adversary, sinking his needle-like fangs into the blue yarn. He pulled with all his might and only succeeded in loosening a few strings. GCAT settled for stubbornly gnawing on the black button that was Radish's eye.

'If you'll excuse me, I need that to balance accounts.'

GCAT spat Radish out in shock.

'Did you just-'

'Talk? Yes. I can also do math. Can you do math?'

'Who needs math?' GCAT wrinkled his nose in distaste.

'Math, is the basis of any proper education or high-paying job.' Radish insisted. GCAT rolled onto his back, and snorted.

'You don't have a job.' 'As a matter of fact, I'm an accountant,' Radish would have held his nose in the air if he wasn't a stuffed animal.

'What's an a-cow-tit? Does it taste good?' GCAT rubbed himself against the carpet.

'An accountant knows things about numbers,' Radish thought matter-of-factly. When his cat companion snickered, he went on, 'For example, did you know that over 70% of stray cats in pounds are euthanized?' GCAT was no longer amused. He glared at Radish with predatory green eyes.

'I'm no stray cat, chew toy. I'm the guardian god of this place and you're trespassing on my territory!'

'Oh, I'm sure you protect it from aaaall the little mice and roaches.' Radish snickered. Just then a cockroach skittered by. 'Never mind!'

GCAT pounced at Radish again with a feral hiss as a housecat.

'I'll tear you apart and use your stuffing as a litterbox!'

'Yeah, you do that. She's still out of your league.'

'What part of Guardian and God are you finding so hard to understand, math man?'

'The part where it gets you ladies,' Radish quipped.

'What does she see in you?' GCAT whined, 'You're not even anatomically correct!'

'Yeah, well you have barbed bits. Can you blame her?' A long, annoyed silence followed.

'Hey grumpy cat, you know what would give you a snowball's chance in New Mexico?' Radish suddenly piped up again.

'What?'

'Stuffing. Stuffing gets all the girls. Maybe we can find you a nice taxidermist.'

GCAT hissed and pounced at him, dragging him through a portal through dimensions.

Marx crept through the halls of the Motel, peering around every turn before he took it. Humans, demons and cats! This wasn't going to end well! But his precious Radish was here, he could feel it.

"There you are!" Aaaand, there it went. Jordan walked towards him down the hall. "You must be the temp! We've been looking all over for you!"

"I-uh, I'm- Wait-" Jordan cut off Marx's stammering by unloading a pile of sheets in his hands.

"Remember, we don't offer turn-down service. Restock the gift shop at 9:30 sharp, and do the laundry before three. Got it?"

"Wh-What?" Marx sputtered.

"Laun-d-ry," Jordan slowly enunciated every syllable for the clueless demon. He clapped him on the back as he walked past. "Stay on the level, man."

Marx sighed as he set down a basket in the laundry room and dumped the sheets in it. He tipped a pile of dirty laundry into it, just as GCAT and Radish had reappeared on the other end of the dimensional tunnel in the laundry basket. They were sandwiched between sheets and sweaty socks.

'Radish, where are you?' Marx despaired as he shook the contents of the basket into a huge washing machine. 'Um...' He stared at the lineup of bottles of cleaning agents in different shapes and sizes. With a shrug, he tipped them all in, shut the top and turned it on.

GCAT dislodged his fangs from Radish the second he felt his fur get wet.

"Meow!" he hissed in distress as the drum of the washing machine began to fill with water.

'What's happening?!'

'We're getting washed, genius.'

'What does that mean?!'

'Oh. You're probably gonna drown.'

When the drum started to turn, GCAT had had enough. He disappeared as the water rose and submerged Radish in a soapy deluge.

GCAT sat on the shelf above the washing machine as a tidal wave of bubbles and water spilled out the top like a small geyser. Radish washed up on the floor. His brilliant blue knit had been streaked white with bleach, his weave was dull and stringy with chemical burns.

GCAT's paws splashed lightly through the water as he approached.

'Not so pretty now, are you?' He sank his fangs into Radish, with every intention of ripping his stuffing out. Unfortunately for GCAT, that stuffing was still soaked with a toxic cocktail of detergent and liquid bleach. The cat stumbled away, hissing and pawing at his mouth that was immediately awash with the bitter taste of chemicals and blood. His paws slipped over the soapy floor and sent him sailing into the rest of the poisoned laundry.

As the chemical scent made his nostrils burn and his eyes water, GCAT quickly vanished between dimensions again, and reappeared on the shelf. Radish's black button eye winked at him in the light. He hissed.

'GCAT!' GCAT turned in alarm as Meowzie appeared in the doorway. 'What's going on?!' she hissed.

'M-Meowzie...'

'I can't believe you would take out your frustration on that innocent stuffed cat!'

'Innocent?' Radish snorted, 'Two words. Valencia oranges.'

'I-I didn't,' GCAT stammered under the heat of his lady friend's glare.

"Meowzie! There you are!" That was when a pair of hands came down and gathered her up. "We're checking out today, silly cat." The human disappeared beyond the doorframe.

'She's... Gone...' GCAT stared at the door.

'Just like that...' A drop of water spilled from Radish's button eye.

Two more figures took their place in the doorway.

"Radish!" Marx cried out in relief.

"What the hell is going on in here?!" Jordan looked around at the swamped laundry room in horror, "Oh man, Grandpa's gonna kill me..."

Marx snatched up Radish.

"Where have you been?! What happened to you?!" he scolded as he quickly carried him away.

GCAT and his wounded ego disappeared behind the washing machine, and he wouldn't be seen again for days.

"Hey, guy!" Jordan remembered, "What about the-" He turned to see Marx's tail disappearing around the corner and fell silent. "...I swear I'll never understand this place..."

DRAW!

Analysis: Guys. He's a stuffed animal. Aside from being kinda hard to kill due to lack of death-inducing components such as internal organs and bodily fluids, Radish is made of the same stuff that withstood an onslaught from a demon baby. No, I don't mean a baby, I mean an actual baby demon. And you thought your nephew was feisty. So, without an arsenal more sophisticated than a set of cat's claws, GCAT probably wouldn't have been able to make much of a dent in Radish. And, being inanimate, Radish probably couldn't have made much of a dent in GCAT either! That's why this one is a draw. Poor Jordan. Someone get that kid a mop.

Credits:

imallears2012 for GCAT

moni_cooke for Radish

Bio 1

Name: GCAT

Age: He appears to be 3 years old

Species: Cat

Appearance: White, with black sections of fur on back and legs with a black tail. His fur is short, and soft to the touch. Due to his abilities, he often has images of the night sky superimposed on the black sections of his fur. Has bright green eyes, and six toes on three of his paws.

Personality: Very playful with people he takes a keen interest in. Bit of a trickster, often teleporting around the place or creating optical illusions to mess with people. He does have a weakness for toy mice, string, and cochinita pibil or sunny-side up eggs.

Background: He is a "guardian god" of Albuquerque, New Mexico. A stray cat who likes to 'play' with the locals and primarily hangs out in a family run motel called "The Mudpuppy Motel", then disappear for hours without end, with some people theorizing that he resides between two dimensions...

Arsenal: Will trick people with his seemingly adorable appearance, but will then proceed to paw and bite at your nose when you least expect it, before disappearing.

Abilities: Teleporting himself and objects across a medium or space, usually pulling objects into another dimension. Can generate optical illusions to seemingly manipulate the world around him however he likes. Can communicate via telepathy when he chooses to.

Fighting style: Often confuses people by creating illusions, and can redirect projectiles back at a person due to teleportation abilities.

Bio 2

Name: Radish

Age: 12 human years

Gender: Male

Species: Stuffed cat

Appearance: Made out of a second-hand woolen blue stegosaurus sweater. Black buttons for eyes. Filled with stuffing.

Personality: A personable chap. Charismatic and motivated. Likes to talk a bit too much.

History: Roomed with his best friend Marx all of his life. Used to be an accountant but had a falling out with his boss which apparently "involved grand theft auto and a bag of naval oranges" (They were actually Valencia oranges). Now he is unemployed. He aspires to begin his own family and become a late night talk show host.

Arsenal: His biting wit.

Armor: Nude.

Abilities: Mad math skillz (from his previous employment as an accountant)

Charisma and charm

Fighting Style: Inanimate.