(Wiz and Boomstick - Official Death Battle Theme Song)

https://youtu.be/mDBJXniDI9c

Adam: The Thing, the assimilating extraterrestrial monstrosity.

Shadow: And The Blob, the amoeboidal alien terror that has no shape.

Randy: Monsters from the genre of horror are known for their unique biology and forms, and these two have the former in abundance and none of the latter. At least, not traditionally.

Shadow: Because if they want the last one, they need some unwilling fuel from some unwitting humans.

Popup: For this matchup, both combatants given all forms of their media. The Thing will have the 1982 original movie, 2011 prequel and the 2002 video game. And The Blob will have the 1958 and 1972 movies and the 1988 remake.

Randy: He's Adam, that's Shadow and I'm Randy.

Adam: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win..... a DEATH BATTLE.

The Thing assimilates DEATH BATTLE

(Main Theme (The Thing) - Ennio Morricone and John Carpenter)

https://youtu.be/3AOiEwYTOQc

Adam: Based in Antarctica, commonly considered to be the very edge of the world, the last thing an American research centre expected was a couple of odds visitors.

Randy: One was an absolutely adorable and friendly husky, and the other was a not-adorable, gun-toting Norwegian, sprouting nonsense trapped behind the language barrier. One brief shootout later, the Americans only had to accommodate the Husky.

Shadow: Eager for answers to the startling event, helicopter pilot MacReady and doctor Copper tracked down the Norwegian base to find an odd scene of carnage, chief among it a corpse with no earthly business even existing. But as it turns out, they'd had no need to leave their base for answers, because the culprit of the massacre soon revealed itself.

Randy: With the husky revealing it's face could be peeled like a goddamn banana!

Adam: Because it was no husky at all. And it wasn't just a thing either. It was the Thing. Because honestly, what else could you have titled something like..... that!?

Randy: A nightmare, that's what!

Shadow: Thousands of years ago, an UFO crash landed in what would become Antarctica, its inhabitant going into a deep slumber thanks to the ice and sub-zero temperatures. Whether the Thing on board was the pilot, prisoner or passenger, what could be told was that it was extremely dangerous.

The Thing

Longevity and survivability

Assimilation & Replication: The Thing can assimilate organic matter, after assimilation is complete, it can shapeshift into what it assimilated, mimicking it perfectly

Self sentient cells

Regeneration

Shapeshifting

Intelligence

Appendage generation

Fang and claw generation

Corrosive bile

Adam: The Thing can create tendrils from its body and stab you with it, vomit an acidic bile, grow spider legs or fangs and claws and grow big enough when consuming enough biomass. Plus every cell in its is alive and has a mind of their own. Not just in the "collective" manner, I mean each one of them can move, think and react on their own merit. Though cells will obey a singular hive-mind of sorts when they're all connected or in close proximity, should one cell be separated from the rest, it can become independent.

Shadow: What makes The Thing so deadly however, is that unlike most horror movie monsters who're out to kill everything, it wants to capture you so it can assimilate your cells into its own, turning its victims into more Things. It can perfectly mimic everything its organic victim can from their abilities right down to facial expressions. Oh and just for the record, the process it NOT pretty or painless.

https://youtu.be/-oBue6z8fDA

Randy: Ever played or heard of Among Us? Yeah, John Carpenter's The Thing is one of the main inspirations of the game. Even worse is that if even one cell of the Thing gets to you, you're as good as dead it changes your cell as its own and you or your friends wouldn't even know until it's too late.

Popup: The Thing is unable to replicate artificial features, such as tattoos or metal fillings.

Adam: And if that's not horrifying enough, the Thing is also smart as fuck. It's main strategy is to create paranoia and mistrust among its targets so it can pick them off one by one and knows who to separate if they are shown to be capable of harming it.

Feats

Blair-Thing built an unfinished flying saucer

Assimilated almost everyone except for Childs and MacReady (although it's implied Childs might be a Thing at the end of the movie)

Is never actually completely killed, only certain parts of it are destroyed

Is intelligent enough to de-attach its head from its body and escape

A mere drop of blood on someone is enough to start assimilation

Dogs weren't able to find out what it truly was

A thing punched down a door and a part of a wall

A thing also broke through a wooden wall

If it touched the sea, it would have assimilated all life

Assimilation devours the cells

Survived explosions

Would have assimilated all life on Earth within three years

Shadow: The Thing is an absolute unit. It can tank massive explosions, unfazed by bullets, lifted people with his tentacles and can infect multiple people at once. It was smart enough to built a spaceship while fused with Blair.

Randy: It can leap 20 feet into the air and capable of using machine guns, because why the fucking hell not?

Adam: And good luck trying to murder these, because you need to actually hit them first. The Thing can outrun helicopters as a husky and remember there's dozens of them to deal with. And according to that computer, the Thing is capable of assimilating all life on Earth in 3 years if given the chance.

Weaknesses

When mimicking everything perfectly, it also includes the flaws of the organic being, such as when it got an heart attack

Cannot mimic plant cells

Weak to fire, lightning, and acid

Randy: But there's still hope of beating the Thing. Because it replicates everything the organic being it assimilates, it also gains their weaknesses, like the time it assimilated Vance Norris to the point it also mimicked his bad heart, getting a heart attack and forced to reveal itself when Dr. Copper tried to resuscitate him with defibrillation.

Shadow: The Thing also can't mimic artificial things like metals and can't replicate plant life. And while it can take bullets, fire is its biggest weakness and a potentially large enough explosion can kill it.

Adam: But just as its beaten back, The Thing always finds a way to keep surviving. You'll never know who's the imposter Among Us.

Randy:..... Really?

Adam: Hey, you and Vanessa always make puns and references. Bout time I did too.

Edvard-Thing crawls towards an wounded Adam Finch and pins him down as he screams for help. It then stretches its neck and made literal face to face contact to merge its face with the researcher's, the process causing Adam to scream in pain and horror.

The Blob digests DEATH BATTLE

(Brave New World - Alien)

https://youtu.be/TGauACTZ85o

Shadow: Something had just arrived in a sleepy town of Pennsylvania, or in Arborville, California thanks to the remake. A meteor, which crash landed just on its outskirts. Perfect for anyone to stumble across and witness what would emerge to sow terror and chaos. Something...which had no shape.

Randy: The first unfortunate old bean to stumble upon it was an old bean, a wandering vagabond who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Or it was Old Man Barney in the original.

Shadow: To be fair, there isn't much of a distinction between the original 1958 and 1988 remake, aside from spectacle and location changes. And a slight change in origin.

Randy: Spoilers! Which are kept in the dark by even the trailers, since we're left wondering just exactly what the monster this time around looks like. But it turns out to have been a wasted effort because there is no real way to define it. It's indescribable, it's indestructible, nothing can stop it. It's..... the Blob! I mean The Blob.

Adam: For simplicity's sake, let's stick with the remake when going over our titular monster. It's only fair, since it's earned the status of being one of the few passable horror remakes.

Shadow: Agreed. Well, Crazies and Evil Dead did a pretty good job as well, but this isn't about them, it's about the Terror with no Shape. When Old Man Whatever's body was brought to the hospital, it's staff where surprised to discover than the Blob had eaten away at practically his entire body, before it then set its sight on the staff and then the entire town. And with one intent; to eat.

The Blob

Intelligence

Dissolves matter with its body

Size Manipulation

Self-Sustenance

High pain tolerance (Can withstand acid, fire and electricity)

Wall crawling

Shapeshifting

Superhuman speed

Absorbs biomass to grow

Tentacle generation

Adam: The Blob's biology is similar to real-life amoeba. Amoeba are single-celled organisms which are capable of moving by themselves using what is in essence shape-changing. Their pseudopods are automatic extensions of themselves which are used to pull themselves along, and are often vital in the process the Blob is most infamous for.

Randy: Consuming people! And Zeno help you if you're caught, because the only thing you can do is scream as it covers its victim and began dissolving their bodies for a tasty meal.

Shadow: This is something called phagocytosis, a process by which certain living cells called phagocytes ingest or engulf other cells or particles. And naturally, this digestion process serves a clear purpose: To let the Blob grow. With every victim it consumed, the bigger it got.

Adam: In fact, the only real difference between the 1958 and 1988 is that in the remake, The Blob is much more intelligent, capable of planning an ambush, moving around stealthily or move surprisingly fast even as it grows ginormous. And given it has no standard shape, it can fit into any tight spaces like small pipelines.

Feats

In the 1988 remake, it grew so large that it covered an entire movie theater

Completely immune to trichloroacetic acid

Consumed an entire theater of patrons

Unfazed by a high voltage power line falling on it

Grew large enough to fracture the pavement

Blocked the stream of a flamethrower

Snapped a person in half

Can digest even cars

Digested over 74 people in the 1958, 1972 and 1988 movies

Randy: At the height of its feeding spree, the Blob grew large enough to rival the scale of a movie theater, strong enough to crack the street and has a confirmed kill of 74 people in its 3 movies.

Adam: It can pick up people no problem, can yank a person through a window with enough force to snap their spine and even dragged poor George straight down a drain-pipe, compacting him with the process.

https://youtu.be/IWnpBtc0JDw

Randy: Not to self: remember to use Liquid Sosa every now and then to unclog sinks.

Shadow: Bullets are completely ineffective against its body and even an attempted suicide bombing didn't so much as tickle. Even a flamethrower and high-voltage power line barely did anything to hurt it.

Weaknesses

Vulnerable to cold, notably liquid nitrogen

Requires absorbing biomass to grow

Much slower in the original 1958 movie

Adam: The Blob isn't invincible however. While fast in the remake, it was slower in the original, needing to hide in plain sight to get the jump on its victim and not as smart.

Shadow: And while it can withstand fire, it's weak against the opposite element, ice. Liquid nitrogen is especially effective as it has freezes anything that touches it almost instantly, which served at The Blob's downfall in the original and remake videos.

Popup: The original had the Blob transported to the Arctic as they had no way of permanently killing the Blob.

Randy: But unfortunately, that only stopped the Blob, not kill it. It even inspired a doomsday cult in the remake, which had a small part of it contained in a jar, waiting for the day they will unleash the Blob once more.

Meg, hearing Paul's screams, ran into the the emergency room and finds Paul being consumed by the The Blob, screaming as he reaches our for help.

Meg: *Horrified* PAUL!!!!

Meg rushed for Paul's right arm and began to pull. However, she was no match for the Blob's strength and Paul is being eaten alive by the Blob's acidic body, his screams becoming more hoarse.

Eventually the acid caused the arm Meg was pulling to separate and made Meg hit her head in a corner, knocking her unconscious as the Blob fully devours Paul.

(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)(^)

Adam: All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all.

Adam, Shadow and Randy: It's time... For a DEATH BATTLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Unknown City

(Snowfall of Humanity - Therewolf Media)

https://youtu.be/Yf7QIk2jdzA

A quartet of soldiers in hazmat uniforms bearing flamethrowers patrol the otherwise abandoned streets, standing tense. They had just received word that two dangerous hostile are on the loose, one of which being The Thing. They managed to track it down here but lost contact.

Soldier 1: Where did it go?

Soldier 2: It has to be close by. Couldn't just vanish.

However as they looked around, one of them noticed something odd.

Soldier 3: Uh, guys...

Soldier 2: What?

Soldier 3: Aren't there meant to be just three of us?

The three soldiers froze and turned their attention to the fourth bringing up the rear, taking a few steps backwards in alarm.

Soldier 4: Wait, no! I was always with you guys! You didn't read the brief?

Soldier 2: Really? Then what's your-

His attention was suddenly drawn by Soldier 1 suddenly convulsing.

Soldier 2: Hey, what's wrong?

He approached his comrade who suddenly collapsed into him. Out of Soldier 1's back burst the Blob, which engulfed the head of Soldier 2 before he could scream in alarm.

Soldier 4: Oh shit!

He lifted his flamethrower up but before he could fire it, Soldier 3 shoved his hand through his hazmat mask and forced his fingers into his face. Soldier 4's screams died as Soldier 3 used his Thing nature to merge with him, creating a two-torso monstrosity wielding two flamethrowers. The Blob, having digested both soldiers and grown larger, turned its attention towards the Soldier-Thing, which let out an inhuman wail.

FIGHT!

Even as its body convulsed unnaturally, the Thing aimed both flamethrowers at the Blob and fired a stream from both, coating it in the burning fluid. The flames were quenched as the Blob continued forwards, and a second blast of the weapons did nothing either. By the time the Thing attempted a third blast, the Blob suddenly lunged forwards and smothered the end of one flamethrower. The resulting blockage resulted in the flame and oil backing up in the weapon and the tanks on the corresponding torso exploded.

As the torso burned, the other one shrieked like a bird and tore itself away, saving itself from complete immolation. The Blob surged forwards before it could react in time and the lower half of the Soldier-Thing was engulfed, and was quickly digested away, leaving the upper half to tip backwards.

The upper half crashed into its back and thus the cannisters of its flamethrower struck the ground, the resulting force making it ignite. The fiery blast sent the Thing crashing through the windows of a shop and landing among the tables and chairs. As the body burned, the head pulled itself to freedom, sprouting legs in the process as it noticed survivors huddling behind the counter and beneath the furniture, utterly petrified.

Soon, the Blob had moved itself through the smashed window, automatically heading for the cowering people, the Thing nowhere in sight. Nevertheless, it started to pounce on the humans, dissolving them in record time in search of its foe. It ended up reaching the back of the room, where a young woman was cowering. In spite of her pleas, the Blob engulfed her.

It was too busy doing so to notice that a survivor was sneaking out of cover from behind the counter, making a break for the window. He suddenly stopped mid-run however and his body convulsed, his back breaking open to reveal a fanged maw and his arms becoming tentacles. The Thing charged at the Blob as it digested the woman, sinking its teeth into its surface. It quickly found this was a bad idea as the teeth started to dissolve and it pulled back, abandoning the teeth to their fate.

The Blob took notice and swung out a large portion of itself like a club which sheared away the left-side tentacles of the Thing, which were quickly regrown. The Thing drew backwards on its new limbs, pursued by the Blob. It was now whipping out tentacles to try and snare the Thing, prompting it to sprout out more around its back-mouth. The rival tendrils entangled each other, the Thing's tearing at the Blob's and the Blob's dissolving the Thing's. Where the Thing's tentacles had been dissolved two things either happened; they regrew or if they had been cleaved by the acidic limbs, squirmed away like snakes.

The Thing continued to back away during this dual, until it reached the window and willingly fell backwards, using tentacles to catch and support itself to move away like a crab. It jumped backwards as the Blob came out the shop after it, avoiding the grasp of two large limbs. The regrown thickened tentacles of the Thing slashed at the Blob's form with blades of bone. Any openings they made closed up instantly yet behind the Blob, the severed tendrils of the Thing merged together into a new Thing. The Tentacle-Thing, looking like a fleshy bee-hive, rose up and fired a stream of acid at the Blob. It proved ineffective, the acid rolling off the Blob's surface to burn on the ground, but this is where it proved to have an effect.

The acid burned the pavement and from the hole made cracks spread out, enhanced by the Blob's sheer weight and soon the whole ground beneath it collapsed. The Blob was sent tumbling into the sewers below, vanishing thanks to the shadows. The two Things approached the edges of the hole, looking for their opponent whilst growling softly. A symphony of squeaks sounded and suddenly a grotesque mass of melted rats where thrown out of the hole to land on the Acid-Spitting-Thing. It was instantly smothered before the ground below it was uptorn by the Blob smashing a limb upwards. It and the rat-body-net where digested as the rest of the Blob followed its limb out and stuck to the side of the buildings, leaving the ground to continue crumbling. With a gurgling sound, it propelled itself from the side of the building to the one on the other side of the street, crawling across it towards the remaining Thing.

This prompted the alien to scuttle away, ducking down an alley and coming on the other side of the buildings. The Blob emerged over the top of the buildings, its tentacles reaching out to try and snare the Thing, which jumped onto the side of the opposing buildings. Hanging to it like a spider, the Thing avoided the swipes of the Blob's tentacles as it lashed out with them, eventually jumping down onto the street to run down it. The Blob foiled this however by dropping its entire bulk to the ground, sending out a shockwave which made the Thing stumble. In the time it brought it, the Blob inexplicably leapt into the air and came down on it.

Through the Blob's transparent body, the Thing was dissolved away into nothingness as it struggled, the Blob shivering with satisfaction. But behind itself it noticed a legion of what appeared to be humans marching towards it. Somewhere in the bodies of each human was a severed Thing tentacle from the prior parts of the fight, and now all the humans were convulsing as their bodies lost their shape. Slowly but surely, they all fused together until they stood as a massive spider-like monstrosity featuring maws and eyes all over its uneven spherical body.

It galloped down the street and collided with the Blob, spawning numerous thick tentacles to wrap around its foe. Immediately the sound of hissing could be heard as the flesh of the Thing started to burn away. Regardless, it spawned more tentacles from itself to keep the Blob encased.

On a microscopic level, the Thing's cells wormed their way against the Blob's surface, even as they burned away upon succeeding. Bit-by-bit, more Thing cells pushed their way into the Blob by the thousands, each one getting a little bit deeper before vanishing. As this happened, other Thing cells made their way around the surface of the Blob itself.

Back on the normal scope of the fight, the Blob was losing mass as it tried to keep the Blob contained, until its mass of ensnaring tentacles finally burned away. The Blob reared up and engulfed it with a forwards lung. Like before, the process of the Thing's dissolving was visible through its transparent body and the Blob shook with imminent victory.

The digestion of the Thing came to a sudden stop however and over the Blog's body, seams opened up to reveal limbs and tentacles common to the Blob's forms and victims. The Thing within the Blob made its way through the acidic body of the Blob, which was now its to control, to stick out the top of the infected body like a commanding point. A roar from mouths all over the Blob-Thing roared out across the city.

KO!

* The Blob-Thing then continued its rampage.

* Across the streets laid the bodies of countless victims, who're melted or becoming new Things.

Results

(Snowfall of Humanity again)

Randy:..... Oh fuck, we just doomed that city.

Adam: It was extremely difficult to determine who would win between these two man-eating shapeshifters based on stats alone. There were just so many things to consider in this matchup. In fact, we had to dive deeply into the realm of science to just understand how this battle could reasonably go.

Shadow: You might think this battle might have come down to, "Oh the Blob can just kill the Thing by touching it. The end". Sure, that's definitely a huge problem for the Thing,  but it wasn't so hard to say it could deal with it to a degree.

Adam: The fact that has to be kept in mind is that the Blob is a single-celled organism, so it's not so much made of acid more than its a natural attempt at feeding, just a rather extreme version. And the way it feeds is by enveloping a consumable in its body and digesting it there. And the Thing cells are capable of independent movement in the case of avoiding threats, it's likely they can draw themselves back to avoid the danger. Like they did in the blood test.

Randy: I mean, when you consider that even after being put to the torch, the Two-Faced-Thing still had enough cellular activity to infect someone else, even it weaknesses of molecularly-harmful substances aren't always a guarantee for one reason or another.

Adam: Still, a more prevalent question was if the Thing had the ability to assimilate the Blob and surprisingly, yes, there is evidence to support the idea it can. Simply put, bacteria are single celled organisms like amoebas, both types of organisms that the Blob has been compared to. There exists bacteria in the human body, which is used for digestion, and the Thing perfectly assimilates all part of the human body. Which would include this bacteria. Hell, the entire deal of the Thing is to assimilate cells, so a single-celled organism would be no exception.

Shadow: In the Thing prequel, when analyzing the Thing cells taking over human ones, they don't exactly begin within an internal invasion so to speak, starting the assimilation from the outside of the cells and making the rest of it there's. This all means the Thing should be perfectly capable of assimilating the Blob.

Randy: Plus, the Thing could also dissolve its prey by spewing acidic vile, so it could naturally become resistant to means of being digested. So long as it could actually get around the entire Blob first, cause to be fair, a single point of entry would likely be digested away.

Adam: Correct. So another important question was if the Thing could get enough mass to be big enough engulf the Blob compared to the Blob being too big to be assimilated by The Thing. Well, let's compare how many humans it took the Blob to digest to grow big enough to rival the size of a movie theater and how many humans the Thing had assimilated prior to growing large enough to rival an airplane hanger, with both structures of similar size. The latter happened in a sequel comic.

Shadow: Turns out, the remaining infected soldiers by this point only numbered 5, and the Blob needed 8 people in both the original and remake to get as big as it did. This means in the likelihood the two fought after assimilating or digestion several other organisms, the Thing would need to have done less to have more over its foe.

Randy: And though the Blob isn't completely mindless, it mainly operates on a predator's wavelength. The Thing maybe a sadistic predator, but it's comparatively more clever. It understands the nuances of human activity, knows how to sow a long game and intelligent enough to build a working spaceship.

Adam: The Blob may have been more deadly on paper but the Thing's assimilation-based biology, intelligence and a comparatively less need for sustenance made it the deadlier man-eating extraterrestrial.

Randy: The Blob just didn't have The Thing put the actual Thing down for good.

Adam: The winner is the Thing.

COMPARISON

The Thing

= Roughly similar toughness

+ Much more intelligent

+ Requires less sustenance

+ Can resist the Blob's acidic body

+ Can assimilate the The Blob faster than it digesting The Thing

- Can still be harmed by The Blob's acidic body

The Blob

= Roughly similar toughness

+ Can harm Thing with its acidic body.....

- ..... but would be resisted by it

- Not as intelligence even with the remake version

- Requires more biomass to get large

- The Thing can assimilate The Blob faster than it can digest The Thing