Driving home after the trial, Joan found herself grinding her teeth again, she tried not to think about how Paul deceived her about that too. She knew that their lease was rent controlled based on the fact Paul's grandparents lived in the building for decades, but the fact Paul lied to her about the rental amount for a decade enraged her. Especially, after the talk with his mother on the day of the funeral and memorial gathering in Brooklyn Heights, she wondered if she was anything more to him than an extra source of pocket money as she remembered the conversation and the two hours after Paul's memorial.

"Joan, thank you for helping me with the memorial," Paul's mother Catherine hugged her after they were alone, back at the house. "Edward's military service meant all his details were handled. I never would have managed without you."

Nodding because she loved Catherine more than her own cold-mannered mother, Joan admitted, "I can't be still, and I can't sleep. I just stare out the window or clean the apartment... again... Thank you for letting me keep the apartment at my half of the rent." Joan felt ashamed of taking charity from Paul's mother, but she couldn't afford to live close to work.

"Oh sweetie, you more than cover the rent. I just put the rest into that escrow account Paul set up to buy a house someday," Catherine answered sadly, as she picked up her son's picture. "He always wanted a house near the coast, or out in Montauk because you love the beach so much, even though his father promised him the brownstone." She smiled gently, as she insisted, "I know you aren't fond of Brooklyn Heights because of the ship sounds, but you are like a daughter to me and after I pass, this house will be yours to do with what you like. At today's prices, well, you won't be able to move to Montauk but maybe you can find a nice little beach bungalow somewhere."

Her hands began shaking so much Joan was forced to put down the flowers she was moving into the kitchen. She loved his parents' home. Paul was the one who hated ship sounds. Paul was the one who wanted to live in the upscale island's end community. She didn't even like the beach.

"No, I hated the ship noises on a ship, like that cruise we took. I could never sell this house, I love it here, and I love you," Joan insisted, then she lied. "He must have misunderstood."

"Oh, you are so precious to me."

Hugging her almost-mother-in-law, but feeling heart-sick, Joan returned the sentiment. "And you are precious to me too. You are the best almost mother-in-law a girl could have."

"He was going to ask you soon. He had me get my mother's ring resized just for you because he said the escrow account would be filled by Christmas. I was so happy you both could start enjoying married life." Catherine seemed to believe everything she was saying.

Joan swallowed before she asked, "What escrow account?" She had been slowly discovering many things in her relationship weren't what she thought they were, especially where finances were concerned.

"Joan, are you okay? Sweetheart, you're so pale." Catherine's sudden look of concern made Joan gulp air to keep from crying or ranting or both.

"I'm fine. I didn't realize he was already planning to buy us a house," she lied.

Smiling gently, Catherine nodded, saying fondly, "My boy always was a planner, always wanted to save as much money as he could for a rainy day. Why don't you make us a pot of tea? I'll get the paperwork he left here from the safe."

"He kept paperwork here?" Joan was suddenly very confused because she thought she had everything. They kept their important documents and statements in a joint safe deposit box.

"Oh yes," Catherine called over her shoulder as she walked down the hall. "You know he never trusted banks or that the safe in your apartment was secure. He's got all kinds of investment stuff in there."

Later that evening, Sam sat at her dining room table, looking through the piles of paper she brought home from Catherine's home. Secrets Paul kept from her. Money squandered in dozens of investment schemes. Sam was as shocked as she was.

"I'll look into these but..."

"I already googled most of them. It's gone or so devalued it might as well be gone." Joan sipped more of Paul's Nikka Samurai Gold & Gold Blended Whiskey, then poured more into Sam's glass as she refilled her glass with the last of it.

He shook his head as he sipped it. "The top of the bottle looks like something I saw at a museum but it's good."

"Enjoy it. It's $250 a bottle." Joan laughed as Sam choked. "Paul also had a $300 bottle of Macallan scotch, still sealed; I'm giving it to Jack."

"I didn't realize he was making that much money." Sam shook his head then sipped more of the red-amber liquid.

"With me paying all the rent and half the bills, he could afford it. You know those shirts he liked so much? They are $250 each." She flipped through the papers to find a credit card statement for a card she didn't know he had. "And he ate lunch weekly with his bosses at $100 a meal while I was eating Ramen and a sandwich from the lunch counter or carry-out from a bodega. I believed we were struggling because I was struggling. He didn't even fucking pay for the trip that killed him!" She grabbed the empty bottle and smashed in on the wall as she cried. Sitting down, she put her head in her hands and wept drunkenly. "Every other year, I spent two months' worth of my salary to make sure we had a nice vacation, and I was still paying off the Tahoe trip when he died. I wasn't even worth a real trip for our tenth anniversary to him."

"I'm so sorry, sweetie."

"He must have known." She sobbed out.

"Known what?" Sam got up and got her a couple of paper towels and a glass of water.

"That I was going to leave him." Blowing her nose loudly, Joan hated that she hated that she loved Paul, as much as she hated him. She pulled the black jeweler's bag from the sideboard table. "He was too cheap to even buy me a ring. He had his mother get his grandmother's ring resized to fit me. Catherine even paid to have real diamonds put in it and gave me it today when she gave me all of these papers."

Opening the box, Sam looked at the beautiful ring as she wept and ranted, "She thought I didn't like her house in Brooklyn Heights and that was why we never visited. I love it there, but Paul lied to her that I hated the ship noises. I had to lie to her that he must have misunderstood then told her I hated the noise on a cruise ship. I can't tell her the truth... that her son hated her home, his childhood home, when he was the only reason, she stayed in New York after his father's death!"

Scrubbing her wet cheeks, she threw the sodden paper towel on the table and picked up her glass before revealing, "She's going to give me the house, she's going home to Shetland to spend time with her sister. She has cancer and she isn't going to fight it." Joan gulped the bitter liquid, clicking her tongue and breathing out her mouth as the taste lingered.

"What are you going to do, kiddo?" Sam asked in concern.

"I don't know, Sam. Move?" She held out her hand in a helpless gesture. "I can't afford the rent here and the taxes there. I have to pick one and honestly, I don't want to stay here. I hate being lonely, but I've felt that way for years... Maybe I'll get a roommate or a cat to share my ice cream."

"There's my girl." Sam chuckled, as he stood and kissed her on the forehead. "You'll be fine. Do you mind if I give these to Kelly? She's better at tracking financials."

Reluctantly, Joan nodded, grateful the mousy computer tech wasn't gossipy. "Tell her, I'll find a way to pay her for her time."

After he left, Joan cleaned up the broken glass and then sat on the couch and stared out at the sky until it started raining. Thunder woke her and suddenly she couldn't stay in the apartment. She headed to the trial in the Appalachian Mountains early, praying they would get a partial conviction.

Dwelling on the many times she just transferred the money to his account without questioning his statement that his name needed to be on the payment grated on her memories like an uncomfortable shoe wearing a blister on a heel. He had blown the extra money on luxuries they couldn't afford. He didn't care about it because it was her money. His money was poured into poor m.l.m. investment choices, pyramid schemes, and crypto currency. The worst part was Kelly told her the truth over the phone this morning, if Paul lived, he would have bankrupted them in only two more years. When Joan asked how she knew, Kelly sighed, answering it was in the math and the patterns.

When she stopped to get gas, she cleaned everything out of the SUV. She needed to turn in the leased Lexus Monday morning and would be without a car until she could manage to get one. In the glovebox was a picture strip from a carnival boardwalk they visited four years ago. Her hand shook and she wiped her eyes. It was taken when the went to Atlantic City for their anniversary. It was another financial guru conference, and they had a big fight over the lunch break. He went back to listen to the speaker, and she went to the beach. She hated the smell and the way the sand made everything gritty, but she sat there and waited until he came and got her with a bottle of her favorite Dewar's. They had gotten so drunk; they were almost arrested for having sex on the beach. They fled to the Boardwalk and hid in the photo booth. Then, it reminded her of their college days; now, it reminded her that she had been a fool.

Paul gave nearly fifty thousand dollars to that guru's investment team; it was worth a tenth of the initial investment at the close of market the day Kelly researched it. She crushed the pictures in her hand and threw it at the trash bin on her way past. The thin strip of photographic paper fluttered onto the ground as another car pulled up to the pump while she slammed her door and beat her palms on her steering wheel before starting the engine. Driving away from the pumps, she didn't notice the driver of a black Bugatti Chiron pick up the pictures and look at them before he pocketed them.

As the miles and hours passed, Joan thought about the feelings she struggled with since Paul's death as she tried not to hate him more. His house of cards collapsed on top of her and was crushing the hope from her soul.