Dear You,

Please help me. I feel like this crazy whirlwind of emotions will never stop. I'm sorry nonetheless. It's like I'm caught up in the moment, but when the moment passes, I don't realize it before it's to late. I need you to tell me you love me one more time. I need you to hold me like nothing ever happened. Whatever happened to forgive and forget? I did. I forgave you for what you did, even though what I did was worse. So much worse. How could I not have realized that I was the problem? When all you did was apologize, it was me who needed to apologize all along. You were so sweet, with your romantic antics. The letters that you passed to me made time seem to fly by. As I sat there, I would think about you, and wonder, "how is he right now?" Did you ever wonder about me? Did you ever pretend, even if for one second, that there were no rules? That we could be together, without anything, or anyone, holding us back. If no one was trying to get in the way of us, would it have ended differently? I think so. I think, that if you had told me at that time, that we would be in this position in six months, then I would have laughed in your face.

I think I took you for granted. I think I didn't know what I had, really, until I lost you. And although everyone is trying to convince me that it's all your fault, I think it was mine. I think, that I still stay up a night, and I cry. I cry because I think, that I need you. I think that maybe if I hadn't have done, what I did, then we would be happy. But everyone keeps saying that if I hadn't had done what I did, then it would have been worse. I don't believe them.

Did you ever love me, like you said you did? I know I did. I never got the chance to tell you though. I've been reading books, books about romance. Do you remember what you said to me? That you would never hurt me? That you would treat me right? I think that maybe you hurt me more than you intended to. I don't think you treated me right. And maybe I didn't treat you right either. Maybe. I read about romance, and I think of being in love. The books are fiction, but we weren't.

I had a chance to see you. I did. But I didn't go. It broke my heart, to hear about you. To know you were at a place I could have gone, but I wasn't there. I wanted answers. I wanted to talk to you, to hear your voice. I wanted to figure out a way for you to stop ignoring me. Everyone else went. Not everyone, just a lot of our friends. I wanted to go, so bad.

Ever since the end, I had been waiting for the day. The day that we would see each other again. I missed you so much, my heart broke in half when I didn't wake up knowing I would see you, hear you, anything with you, that first day. It felt terrible being away from you. Did you feel the same? Did you ever feel the same? The first day I was home I felt sick. Sick for you. I wanted you there, so I imagined you were. I pretended you were there, but gave up on that after a while, not wanting to be labeled 'crazy.'

I miss you, so much. I don't want to wait six more months....

I love you then and always will.

                               -N

Authors Note

For those of you who are infatuated with our story, I have begun a whole new book. It is the story of us, and what happens afterwards. It is called 'Our Story' and so far it has one chapter with about six pages (though the thing says five) It is a Novelette, which is a shorter story that consists of around Fifteen chapters depending on the book. I am already working on the second chapter and it should be published within a week. The names, ages, and a few other things have been changed to protect the privacy of those involved (including me) and there are a few added surprises! So go read it! It's posted under my books, and if you feel the need, comment and give me some feedback on it! I love tips and hints!

                          »Nicole