I thought I was over crying for you, Wafa. All it took to prove me wrong was one photo.

One look, just a look, at your sister's WhatsApp profile— an old photo of the two of you, your sister all smiles and you, somewhat uncertain— and I couldn't stop my tears. I was surprised at my own reaction. I know that every time I talk about you, my eyes well up and a lump forms in my throat. But it has been a while, I think, since I have let myself cry over you. And soon I was begging your sister to send all your photos that she has on her phone, and sadly, she had just one more. Of you holding your baby brother in your arms, your sister smiling at the camera. All the rest are hard copies.

Wafa, do you know the history of Khanza Radiallahu Anha? She had a brother whom she loved dearly. He was killed in a tribal war. Khanza was so depressed at this that she shaved her head and hung his sandals around her neck in mourning. Even after she accepted Islam, she continued to mourn for her brother in the same fashion.

Everybody reproached her for this as it was against the Islamic way of mourning. When she was on pilgrimage, she met Umar Radiallahu Anhu, who was the Caliph then. Umar RA asked her to recite one of her poems— oh yeah, she wrote poems on the loss of her brother— and upon hearing it, he was reminded of his own brother Zaid who was martyred in the cause of Allah, and started weeping. He asked the people to leave her alone, as she will always mourn for her brother. Interestingly, she stopped her strange mourning practice when the Mother of Believers Aaisha Radiallahu Anha told her that she had lost the best human being ever— the Prophet Sallallahu alaihi Wa sallam— and she only mourns for him in Islamically accepted ways. Khanza never stopped writing poems for her brother, though.

It taught me that sometimes, people leave such an impact on our lives that we can never come into terms with their departure. Some special people, like you.