Thursday, July 2nd, 1812

My Dearest, Philip,

                                      First of all, I wish to apologize to you for waiting so long to write. I tried to write to you, but I just could not bring myself to put quill to ink and begin to write to you. In truth, I have been struggling immensely after the 1804 duel, I am still in two minds in regards to the situation and I feel as though anything I say will be wrong, especially to you.

I did not know I was going to write this letter until I picked up the quill and began to write, I suppose I need someone I can lean on, someone I can talk to and that someone has always been you. Many would lean on their husbands for supports, but I feel as though I cannot lean on Joseph for this, he does not understand. He will never fully understand, no matter how much he wants to.

First I lost Mother, then you and now my own son. Why is that I continue to lose the ones I love whilst others can be surrounded by family, people who do not deserve a family. How can I have my loved ones torn away from me in such a cruel way? Why is fate such a cruel mistress? My Mother lost to illness, you killed in a gun fight, my son taken away by malaria. What did I do to deserve this, Philip? I do not understand.

If you see him, if you see my darling Aaron wherever you are, tell him I love him, tell him I will always love him. He has to understand that I would never have let him go where I given the option.

Love Always,

Theodosia Burr Alston.

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Notes;

In 1812, exact date unknown, Alston's only son, Aaron Burr Alston, died at the age of ten after a battle with malaria. Her son becomes the third person close to Alston to die within twenty year period, hence Alston's reaction to the event in this letter. We can see that she is blaming herself for the death of her son as well as the deaths of her mother and of Hamilton himself. What we do not know is whether or not this letter was the result of guilt or pure anger, this is only speculation.