So afraid.

So afraid of painting myself with

the colors of growth.

If I do so,

I'm afraid my adolescent tears

will run down and smear the colors -

the colors that I need to grow,

and my confusion will be exposed.

Why, I'm not even sure if I know how

to accept that form;

grow into that shell!

If the transformation is supposed to come at that very moment,

then, I'd rather it not.

I want it to build its own foundation...

with its own tools.

I don't even know where to begin.

I'm afraid of becoming a big mess of art.

I want my portrait to be captivating;

representing a strong intellect -

even if I have to kidnap my fear

and cover it with a blanket,

I will.

Do I call this confidence?

Not really.