Thursday May 19th, nine days before graduation and eleven days before I start as a construction lead.

Buck overheard Finn and I talking about me quitting the mill and the new job at Quesenberry Inc.

"Well Ash, if you're off and wanna have some fun why don't you come to Guy Sullivan's graduation bonfire Friday night? Every senior in Skills USA and FFA is going. You used to be the life of the party and so social. Now you barely talk to anyone. Make it like old times," Buck grinned.

Honestly a bonfire with all my old friends does sound awesome but drinking around Buck may not be the best idea. I still love him and if I'm drunk we may do something I'll regret.

I expressed my concern to Finn, "I don't know if I should go man."

"Dude, we're young. This is the time we should be doing things we're gonna regret. Go to the party, get high, get drunk, hell get laid. Think about all the stuff Clay did in high school, you really think he'd want you to miss out on all that? It's time you stop acting like an adult for a night and act you're age," Finn insisted.

I contemplated this and talked to CJ about it.

"Well I don't do big crowds or drinking but I do think a party would be a way for you to have your final ha-raw before graduation and the new job," CJ hummed.

"Even if Buck Moxon is goin?"

"Hold up, Buck is goin?"

"Yeah. He's the one who suggested it." I knew mentioning Buck would make them against it.

"Well... maybe it would be better for you to stay in. I mean all those people, the alcohol, the drugs, the doche bag. Your a responsible young lady with a bright future." I gave them a look that said 'Really? Do you not remember when I...?'. "Agh, fine but if you do go you need some ground rules: stay the hell away from Buck, don't get blackout drunk, and for love of God please don't end up pregnant," they laughed.

"That's a definite no. I already got two boys to raise I don't need another kid," I laughed.

I still had one problem though; who would watch the boys for the weekend? I contemplated a solution to this all the way home.

In the door I was met by Griz but no boys. I looked around for them but couldn't find them. Mom's car pulled in and I rushed out to her. When I didn't see the babies in the back seat I asked, "where's the kids?"

"At Deedee's for the weekend. They needed time with their other Mamaw and I need a break," she said.

"Well, can I go to CJ's after school tomorrow and spend the night? We wanna celebrate for graduation," I lied. I knew if I told mom where I was really going I'd be on full lock down all weekend.

"Of course Lubella. That means Dennis and I will have the whole house to ourselves," she snickered. I almost puked in my mouth but I just smiled and thanked her for letting me go.

Griz and I went to my room that was now officially my own. We stayed in there for most of the afternoon. I read another letter from Clay.

" February 11, 2017
Dear Stoney,
It's good hear you're helping Dad at the fire department and doin some odd jobs for savings. You've always been one to work your ass off, just like Dad. I'm gonna have to start calling you Ceader Junior.

Just don't work yourself to death. Taking time to go hunt, fish, or hang out with your friends is necessary for your mental health. Always take time to relax or you're gonna drive yourself crazy, well crazier than you already are.

Make bad decisions just be careful. Some of those will effect you for the rest of your life. And if you're gonna make bad decisions make sure it's with the right people. Take me and our cousin and our friends, we do stupid shit but we're there for each other if shit really hits the fan.

President of Team Bad Decisions,
Clay Derik Jolon"

I laughed at my brother's words. It was time for me to earn my place in team bad decisions. Tomorrow I was going to that party. I grabbed a pair of my tight fitting jeans and a low cut t-shirt and placed them on my dresser. I was going to wear a hoodie over it and take it off to show the revealing clothes once school was over before going to Guy's. Maybe Finn was right all I need to some drinks and some dick.

I noticed a necklace in the floor behind my dresser. I picked up the gold chain, it held a heart shaped locket and a bullet charm at the end of it. On the heart it said "Daddy's Girl"; I opened it revealing a picture of me and my father on each side, one of when I was first born and the other a few months before the wreck. I cried holding it in my palm and I placed it around my neck.

I fell asleep clutching the charms, curled up next to my big fur baby.

The next morning, I was exhilarated to go to school for a change. The day seemed to fly by. I wore my sexy clothes, my cowboy boots, and my gorgeous necklace that means so much to me. My hair was in a French braid with a red ribbon in with one of the strands and my golden stud earrings sparkled in the sun. I throughly felt like my old self, back when I still went by Lubella. I changed my name with the change in my life, when I became so depressed and isolated I was truly a new person, I became Ash.

When the final bell rang I ran to my truck and tore of the oversized hoodie. My curves showing and my muscles booming. I drove to grab a bite before heading to Guy's. I had ten gallons of moonshine, 144 cans of beer, and my pot box with 10 pounds of weed inside it in my truck. Tonight we were all getting fucked up.

When I pulled into Guy Sullivan's place, the farm was packed. Boys were riding four wheelers and dirt bikes, dozens of people were drinking. Between Skills USA and FFA seniors their was at least 80 people there and most of them were dudes.

Finn immediately grabbed me as I got out of my pickup truck. He pulled me over to our old group of friends that was about 8 of us total. They helped me unload the booze from my F150 and people swarmed the liquor.

Buck came over with a beer in his hand wearing ball shorts and a Lee county football shirt, "Damn Lubella, you look amazing."

"Thanks B," I blushed.

I started rolling joints for me and all my old friends. Finn poured me a red solo cup of Jack Daniels, my favorite. Soon we were all so blown out of our minds we could barely walk.

Once the sun went down we lit a bonfire that shot 40 feet up in the air and we were going to keep it burning all night. Guy had hooked up speakers and was blasting old country songs. It was seriously a white trash high school wild time.

Drinks kept coming and a bong was passed around by me and my group. You could see every star in the galaxy that night. The moon was full, flames were high, and so were we. The crowd was so loud and beer cans and bottles littered the yard. By 2am all the alcohol and weed I had brought was gone. Most of it was killed by the 8 of us and Buck sitting on the tailgates of a few of our trucks.

I played beer pong against Hunter and when I won he was livid. His poor ego was shattered in front of everyone and it was great. I don't remember the last I felt so alive.

At some point in the early morning while the moon was still at its peak, someone tried to grab my ass and Buck knocked them out cold.

"Sweetheart, I think you've had enough. Maybe we should get outta here," he said to me.

"You've had just as much as me and I ain't no light weight," I said. It was true though, we were both fucking wasted and high as hell which may not have been a good combination.

"Babygirl, I've had no where near as much as you and with so many guys around I really think we should go somewhere and let you come down a bit," he said holding my hand.

"I have a better idea," I said pulling him away from everyone and us going out to the barn. That's the last thing I remember from that night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day, I woke up in the barn loft with a massive headache, extreme nausea, and only a baggy t-shirt on. I was laying on Buck's chest and he was completely naked. We were covered in an old blanket that I wasn't sure where it had come from. I looked his chest tattoo and smiled in my daze. I noticed something strange about the tattoo on his chest though and I ran my hand over it. It wasn't a tattoo it was a burn mark, no a brand. It was healed so it had to have been at least a month or two old and it was my initials, LAJ. Did Buck brand himself for me?

All of a sudden it hit me what happened. Oh shit! Why didn't I listen to CJ and stay home? I got up in a panic and frantically removed Buck's shirt and put on my own clothes.

I left the barn, left Guy's, and drove home. It was around 1pm anyway and I was praying I wouldn't walk in on Mom and Dennis.

At home I got in the shower right away. I washed off the night before and couldn't get the image of Buck out of my head. I wanted to be held in his muscular arms for the rest of my life but I didn't want the heart ache that comes with him.

I didn't tell CJ about that night, they'd kill me for having sex with Buck again.

I did, however, tell Finn. He congratulated me and acted like I was a genius for finally hooking up with Buck. I did my best to move on from that night but I couldn't shake the tender feeling of being with Buck.

The next day, I got a message from Mox. He wanted to see me and talk. I reluctantly agreed.

I went to his house and when I got there he gave me my necklace and a kiss.

"You left this in the barn. I know it was unexpected but it really took me back to old times. Look both of us have grown up a lot from when we dated before I really think we should give it another shot," he said and his blue eyes captivated me.

"I just don't know Buck."

"Well at least come inside and watch Lilo and Stitch with me, I know it's your favorite movie."

"Ok."