I kept the welded rose and picture in my truck. As much hell as he's put me through I still love him, I just have to much on my plate to worry about if Buck is cheating again or if he really loves me. Hell with both of us working, me taking care of the boys, and him on the fire squad, we don't have time to go out together. The boys I need to worry about right now are Wilder and Phoenix, not to mention Mom still wants to hurt Griz.

Buck didn't flirt with me the rest of the week. He spoke to me but it was more just friendly conversation.

"Hey Ash, got plans for the weekend?" Buck asked in Cruz's class.

"Taking care of the boys," I'd reply.

"You really shouldn't have to do that you know." He always seemed sympathetic when it comes to the boys and to our situation, especially after the wreck.

"If I don't take care of them, no one will. Those boys deserve a fighting chance."

"You're the most caring person I've met," he smiled.

"Are you kidding? Ash can be a royal bitch," laughed Hunter Bentley, Buck's best friend. Bentley is a self centered sexist egotistical Jackass who I can't stand, and the hatred between us is mutual. When Mox and I were together I tolerated Bentley because I loved Mox.

"Oh I know. But when it comes to those babies, ain't no one better than Ashy," Buck defended me.

"I'm only a bitch when I gotta be," I glared at Hunter.

When I got home Friday, it was almost midnight and Wilder came running to the back door, "you need to be in bed baby," I said surprised.

"Baby brodder sick," he said worried.

I went into the bedroom to see vomit on the bed, but no Phoenix.

"Mom?" I yelled. I heard gagging sounds in hallway bathroom. Phoenix was in the bathtub covered in his own puke.

I felt of Phoenix's head, he was burning up.

"Mom," I yelled not taking my eyes off the baby as I took off his nasty clothes.

Wilder ran into the bathroom, "Jeeps gone."

"Of fuckin course," I grumbled. She was supposed to be home with the boys. She probably left as soon as they were asleep. "Wilder go lay down in the living room on the couch. Take Griz with you. I'll take you to bed when it's clean."

He walked into the living room and Griz followed him. I turned my attention back to poor little Phoenix. He began crying and honestly I didn't blame him. It was late, I was tired, and my little guy was sick.

I washed him and dressed him in new pajamas. I held him close to my chest as I rocked the child to sleep. I knew I couldn't let the boys sleep together because I didn't want Wilder to get sick as well.

Wilder was asleep with Griz on the couch. I placed Phoenix on the recliner and told him to stay put.

I went to my room and removed the bed sheets. I took them to the bathroom to wash them out in the tub, seeing as they were to much for our old washer and dryer to handle.

I scrubbed the sheets until I heard Phoenix crying again. The poor baby was clutching his stomach and screaming in pain. My poor baby boy was hurting and I didn't know what to do. I just held him to my chest and rocked him. In that moment I decided if by dawn his fever was still high, I would take him to the emergency room, whether mom was home or not.

Wilder was restless, listening to his baby brother cry. To ease the boys worry and distract from the hurt, I sang them a song that their father had sung for me when I was young and got sick. I couldn't remember the words but thankfully they were in a letter Clay had wrote me.

"                                Nov 13, 2017
Dear Stoney,

I hate to hear that you have an ear infection, I know that suck dick considering it seemed like I kept one when I was a kid. But remember my little song for you:

Stay strong my strength is in you
Though the clouds are dark
And the thunder is loud
Rainbows come from rain
You are my sun in the darkest days
Clouds fade away
And our sun will shine again

I know this sucks but soon I'll be home to make you feel better.

Your big brother, Clay"

It seemed to help some but a song is no cure. Phoenix was still in pain and it broke my heart to see it.

With the raise of the sun I heard the roar of my mother's Jeep outside. I ignored the vehicle. I didn't want to know where she had been.

I checked Phoenix's temperature and it was worse than I had thought, 103 degrees. When I read the thermometer I began to panic slightly.

Mom crept in the door and she was shocked to see me awake and the boys not in bed.

"What the hell Lub-." I cut her off.

"Phoenix has a fever of 103. He's been puking and his stomach hurts really bad. He's going to the hospital," I said.

"We don't have money to take him to the hospital," she said.

"We have Clay's health insurance on the boys from his service. And what exactly happened to the life insurance that was on Dad and Clay? Both had a big lump some from where they worked in dangerous fields." She grew anger when I said this and raised her hand to hit me, but since I was holding Phoenix, she wouldn't touch me.

"Lubella, it's a stomach bug. He was sick yesterday morning and he took some medicine and was fine. He doesn't need a doctor," mom scowled.

"You knew he was sick? And still left them alone?"

"Like I said he's fine."

"Obviously he's not. He's going to the ER."

"We can't afford a doctor visit and that's final!" Mom's yelling woke Wilder and Griz. Griz growled at mom and Wilder cried at the yelling.

"It doesn't matter. I don't care if I have to pay every dime myself. My baby needs a doctor," I cried out.

I took the small child and packed a backpack for him, clothes diapers, his favorite blanket, snacks, and a stuffed bear given to him by my dad, his papaw.

"Sissy, I go too," Wilder said standing in my doorway.

"No baby, I need you to stay here ok. I have to take Phoenix to the doctor so he can get help." I didn't really want to leave Wilder with Mom but I didn't have a choice.

I took Phoenix out to my truck as Mom was yelling that she's a nurse and raised kids before so she knows best. All that was running through my head was: I've lost Daddy and Clay, I can't loose Wilder or Phoenix.

I drove to the hospital that mom works at. I knew the lady in ER and when she saw Phoenix crying and I explained the situation she immediately took us back to a room.

The nurse examined Phoenix and said it was expected to be appendicitis, which is rare in children but can be deadly if not taken care of.

They did question why a 17 year old was the one bringing him in. I made up a lie saying Mom was out of town and left me in charge when it started. I didn't want Child Protective Services involved in fear of loosing the boys. I'm not 18 yet so I can't have legal custody of them. 

They said that he would need surgery to remove his appendix. That worried me but I didn't want to show it as to not scare Phoenix.

While he was in surgery, I texted CJ to tell them the situation and called Buck because I knew he still had some of my clothes at his house. I was so busy tending to Phoenix I had never showered or changed from my work clothes, so I was covered in saw dust, sweat, and reeked of vomit.

Buck brought me a bag with jeans, lingerie, one of his fire department shirts, soap, deodorant, shampoo, and some other clothes that I had left at his parents house when we were still together and I would spend the night. I asked a nurse if there was somewhere I could shower and she let me use the bathroom in the post-op room Phoenix would be in.

I showered and got myself dressed, being clean really helped lower my stress, but I was still internally panicked. Back in the room Buck was sitting in one of the chairs in the room.

"Thanks for the clothes Buck, but did you really have to bring me one of your shirts?" I laughed.

"Hey you never complained wearing my clothes before," he smirked.

"And the lingerie? My nephew is in surgery. Now isn't the time for that."

"Well... that was the only underwear you had left in my room. Honestly I missed seeing my clothes on you. You look good for a teen mom," he chuckled.

"You know you don't have to stay. I'll be ok waiting for the baby, by myself."

"Baby, I know you better than that, your anxiety has been through the roof since your nephews were born and I know that you hate hospitals. Plus I should've been here for you with your dad and brother. I can't change the past but I can show you I'm different now."

I really didn't want to have this conversation. I was so tired and worried. I didn't need this right now.

"B, I really appreciate this but please, I have more important things to worry about than us right now. I don't wanna have this conversation at the fucking hospital! My one year old nephew, the one of the only pieces of Clay I have left, is in surgery right now," I broke down crying. He hugged me and the door flew open. It was CJ!

"Why are you here?" They glared at Buck while holding a plush dinosaur.

"I brought Ash clothes," he said letting me go.

"That was nice of you but I'm not buying this 'new Buck Moxon' bullshit. I'm not letting you hurt my best friend again. So please leave," CJ said pointing to the door.

"I was worried about Ash. Why does that make me the bad guy here?" Buck said hatefully.

"Guys please!" I shouted crying. CJ wrapped me in a hug and when they let go Buck kissed my forehead.

"Let me know how the kiddos doin when he wakes up ok?" Buck said as he left.

When the door closed CJ gave me a death glare, "you really called him? And of course the dick brought you one of his shirts. I swear he'd do anything to be with you."

"Which is kinda sweet if you think about it," I whispered.

"No. No. No. Ash he treated you like shit. He realized he lost the best thing he ever had and now he regrets it but that doesn't mean he's changed."

"I know. Thanks for coming CJ."

"That's what best friends are for. Now, any idea how much longer until tiny terror gets out?"

"Anytime now."

"Does your mom know?"

"Mom knows we're here. She thought it was a stomach bug and didn't wanna take him to the hospital."

"And you haven't told her what was really goin on?"

"I don't think she'd care."

"Ok I'll stay with you as long as I can."

"Thanks."

We sat in that room for what felt like forever and the nurse finally wheeled Phoenix in on a hospital bed he was still asleep. I asked the nurse how long before we could go home and she said the surgery went great and we had to stay for two days so they could watch him. I thanked her and kissed the sleeping boy's head.

CJ stayed until he woke up and I called Mom to let her know what had happened, that he was awake, and we'd have to stay for two more days. She was apologizing for not believing and praising God then baby was ok. I didn't by her act but I pretended it didn't bother me.

I asked Marisa to run by the house with her older son, Peter (who's only two years younger than me), to check on Wilder and Griz, and feed the chickens while I was with Phoenix for the next couple days because I just couldn't trust Mom.

The next two days went fine. Phoenix was sore but okay and we got to go home as expected under the circumstances he play easy for the next two weeks and be careful.

I took off a week of work and school to be home with him and Wilder. Mom saw this as an opportunity to take off everyday going who knows where. I did my school work online to not fall behind and when I explained to Dr. Childers the situation, she was fine with the arrangement.

In no time Phoenix was back to his happy little self. Wilder was ecstatic his baby brother was ok.