Rachel was once again out with Marley, Skylar and Sebastian. She didn't want to be with them, she was waiting on Sebastian's reply to her last letter. She was worried that he figured it out that it was her already, but deep down she wants him to know it's her, but she's afraid of what his reaction would be and is afraid that she has a lost friend. As Rachel waited for Marley and Skylar to come back, she sat silent and then she heard

"You okay Pretty Girl?" Rachel looked at Sebastian and said

"Yeah I'm okay Sebastian, I just don't really want to be here as it feels like we are intruding their date." As she said that, she was given a letter from Sebastian. Rachel knew that it was her reply. But she couldn't read it then, and as she took it from Sebastian, he looked at her and said

"Skylar also agreed to help us find letter girl, makes it easier to find her." At those words Rachel began to worry more and more, she shoved the letter in her bag, stood up quickly and then rushed to the bathroom, and began to be sick. She worried that Skylar would figure it out and tell his brother. As she began to be sick once more, she heard the door open and soft knock on pathetic cubicle door and heard

"Rachie." She knew that it was Marley. She opened the cubicle door slowly and Marley said

"Are you okay?" Rachel looked up at Marley and said

"I'm okay, just ate something really bad." Marley wasn't convinced, she kneeled in front of her older sister and said

"You can trust me you know?" Rachel knew she could and said

"Skylar knows about the letters." Marley sat down next to her and said

"And you freaked out about it?" Rachel nodded her head, and said

"I did." Marley looked at Rachel and said

"I'll get a ride home with Sebastian and Skylar. so you can rest." Rachel smiled at her sister gratefully and hugged her and said

"Are you sure?" Marley hugged Rachel tight and said

"I am sure. at least this way too, you can read Sebastian's reply." Rachel pulled apart the hug, stood up with Marley's help, and then left the bathroom with her. they walked out to the boys and Rachel said

"I'm not feeling well, so I'm going to head home." Sebastian hugged her and said

"We will get Marley home safely, I promise." Rachel knew that Sebastian and Skylar would get Marley home safely. Rachel thanked him, relunctantly got out of his arms and then walked away. She wanted nothing more than to just run back to his arms but she knew she couldn't because he was gay, and he didn't even know that she was the one sending him letters.

Rachel hoped that if Skylar knew that she was the one sending his brother letters, he wouldn't tell his brother. It was her way of opening up to someone else other than Marley and Noah, especially since she did cut everyone out from the new directions out of her life since she wasn't even treated right from them.

Rachel arrived home, walked up to her room, sat on her bed and read the letter that Sebastian had given her. As she read it she felt a lot of things, she felt emotional and upset because Sebastian didn't know what to say. She was being strong just for him. She placed his reply in the drawer, and pulled out another paper and just started writing everything down for Sebastian except for letting him know who she really is and her feelings for him. She didn't want him anymore confused about his sexuality than he already is.

Rachel didn't want to lose Sebastian at all. Besides her sister, he was her only solace in the world. She felt like herself around him. She felt a lot of things when she is around him. But she knew he was confused about his feelings.

As Rachel finished writing her letter, she done some thing she regrets doing, but all she did was listen to every one, especially Quinn who is with her cousin and also Finn but she knew her cousin didn't know that. Rachel will admit seeing Hunter and Quinn and Quinn and Finn together hurt her, but not as much as Quinn's and Santana's torments towards her, that she even failed at making herself sick

Rachel sat her on toilet in her ensuite and cried. She hated who she was, and hated that she couldn't throw up. She cursed herself for not having a gag reflex. She stood up and found some laxatives in her medical cabinet, and decided that she would take them instead, as it was easier than sticking her fingers in her throat.

Rachel felt numb because she felt she wasn't good enough. She read the letter she wrote to Sebastian over and over again. She hoped that he wouldn't get upset or angry if he ever found out that it was her, that's his letter girl.

Rachel knew she couldn't have Sebastian at all. But it didn't mean that she couldn't imagine herself as his girlfriend. She couldn't help herself when she done that, it made her feel safe and content, especially when she would just think about him.

She didn't want to lose him at all, and she also knew that Sebastian wasn't getting his letter tonight, he would have to wait for this one, even if she just dropped it to his dorm in the morning before school tomorrow, which she dreaded going to as she is bullied more than ever especially by the other members except Noah in her glee club all  because she decided that she was fed up with them and fed up with Finn, and fed with being tormented.

But she just couldn't leave not when her little sister joined the group this year. She stayed in the new directions because of her sister and she also knew that if it wasn't for the new directions, she might not have met Sebastian and his little brother, who she prays doesn't figure out that she's letter girl.