Dear Mr. Pessimist,

I know what it's like to lose someone, the gut wrenching feeling you have on the anniversary of their death. But I want you to know that you're never alone, no matter how everything may seem. I'm always here.

Sydney

xoxoxooxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

The beeping on the heart monitor beside me was driving me insane.

My eyes were on Kyle's bandaged forehead, my eyes on the clock beside the TV on the wall.

Jessie had been in the cafeteria for over an hour now, leaving me to sit here with a passed out Kyle. She hadn't said a word about what happened, and when the nurses would come in, they wouldn't answer me, they acted like I wasn't even there.

"This wasn't my plan for tonight." I said, staring down at Kyle's pale hand in mine. "I don't even know what happened, Ky. Nobody seems to want to tell me." I knew that if anyone was walking by, they'd probably think I was crazy talking to some one that was out cold.

I had immediately sent a text to Tristan to let him know what happened and that I was at the hospital. He still hadn't gotten back, which actually worried me a little.

He couldn't possibly be mad, right? This was one of my best friends, and as much as he might hate to hear it, I'd pick Kyle or Jessie any day over him. I guess that might have been one of the biggest reasons why I've never had a serious boyfriend, because anytime I got close enough to them I always blew them off if something happens to Jess. My friends and family would always come first.

"Syd! Hey, there you are." Tristan slipped into the room, a card in his hand. "The nurse at the front desk didn't know where she was going." He set the card on the desk beside the other few presents that had been brought in before leaning down and kissing my forehead.

"You sure you're okay? Aren't you guys pretty close?" He took my hand and squeezed it, his eyes on Kyle's pale figure on the bed.

"He's like my little brother." I said quietly, "And nobody is telling me what happened. I don't even know if he's okay." The tears I had been trying to hold in all night finally built up in my eyes and started to sting them.

"Hey, don't cry." Tristan crouched down and shook his head, "If he wasn't going to be okay, they wouldn't have even let you in the room, Sydney." I nodded, lacing my fingers through his as I tore my eyes from Kyle and met Tristan's bright brown eyes.

"He's going to be fine." He repeated, smiling reassuringly. And for once, I was happy not to be the optimistic one. I was even more grateful that I had someone to lean on.

*

"No, no." I laughed, wrapping Tristan's jacket tighter around me, "Stop. I shouldn't be laughing right now, not when one of my best friend's is in the hospital." Tristan threw his arm over my shoulder and kissed my cheek before stopping in front of the bakery. He frowned when he saw the lights inside were still on. He knocked, obviously curious if Mr. or Mrs. Banks, or even Bennett was still inside.

I blinked in surprise when Bennett jumped over the counter and walked toward the door, nearly running into it.

"What are you doing here?" Bennett slurred, glaring at Tristan, then me.

"What are you doing here?" Tristan snapped back. Bennett lifted the beer bottle in his hand and took another swing from it, earning a surprised look out of me.

"It's my fucking bakery, Tris." Bennett said, pointing the neck of the bottle at Tristan. "Why are you here?" Bennett finally shifted his eyes in my direction, a smile stretching across his face.

"Who knew you were this hot, Cupcake." He leaned close enough that I could smell the alcohol on his breath.

"Ben, man, go get some sleep." Tristan stepped in front of me and ripped the beer bottle from Bennett's grip, tossing it in the trash outside of the building.

"What the fuck, man! I was drinking that." He looked about ready to throw a punch at Tristan, but was stopped by Tristan's hand gripping his wrists.

"Come on, bro. Let's get your stuff and you can come back to-"

"I don't want to go anywhere!" Bennett growled, "Just get out of here." He tried to walk to the back of the bakery, his face twisted in anger.

"Ben, you shouldn't be alone tonight. I was going to drop Syd off and come back here to get you." Tristan grabbed his best friend's arm, only to have Bennett spin around and shove him back.

"Get her out of here." He snarled, "Or I will get her fired." I sent Tristan a confused look, but he wasn't even looking in my direction anymore.

"She didn't do anything, Ben." Tristan grabbed his friends arm and forced him to pay attention to what he was saying.

"She left all those fucked up notes. She believes in me, Tristan. She thinks I'm a good person. Tell her, tell her why I'm a worthless piece of shit." I winced at his words, wrapping my arms around myself as Tristan shook his head.

"Ben, Sydney's only being nice. She's sweet and-"

"And you remember what happened to Hannah! Don't you understand, it's just going to happen all over again!" I took a step back toward the door, reaching for my phone in my purse to call the police.

"Don't." Tristan said, before dragging Bennett to a booth and shoving him into it.

"I'll be right back, don't let him move." Tristan jogged toward the back of the bakery, shaking his head. I turned my own back to face the drunk boy across from me, his hazy blue eyes burning into mine.

"It's my fault." He said, banging his head against the wall lightly, "I told her I loved her and she threw it all back in my face, telling me that I was nothing to her. Then the car went. . . and she was in the hospital. . . and it's my fault." I reached for his hand across the table, shaking my head.

"It's not your fault, Bennett." I didn't know what he was talking about, but I'm sure it wasn't, "It's not."

"My baby." He said, his hand gripping mine roughly, "My unborn child and my girlfriend. All gone because of me." I couldn't bring myself to reassure him this time.

Bennett had gotten his ex girlfriend pregnant? How hold had he been?

"Bennett, look at me." I finally regained myself and laid one of my hands against his cheek.

"I don't know what happened. But I can tell you that it wasn't your fault. Sometimes things happen, things far beyond anything we can control. And sometimes, sometimes we blame ourselves for it." My voice cracked, "We do everything in our power to find someone to blame, most of the time it's us. But you can't do this, you can't blame yourself." I saw it then, the fracture in Bennett Banks' exterior.

"You don't understand. I was nothing to her, she hated me. Don't look at me in pity." I was about to say something when Tristan came back into the room with a picture frame.

"Ben, look." He set the frame down on the table and smiled, "This is us, at graduation." Bennett shook his head, refusing to look down at the picture of the boys in royal blue gowns.

"Do you know who took the picture?" Bennett finally shook his head again, facing his best friend.

"Sydney did. She was standing around, doing nothing. So we asked her to take the picture. I remember because she said something to you, something that Hannah never had." I was staring at Tristan myself in confusion.

"She said that you had a great smile. I know it sounds stupid, ridiculous, something that makes me sound like a chick for remembering, but I do. Because I remember how much you talked about her after, before things were serious with Hannah." I didn't understand what Tristan was getting at until Bennett buried his face in his hands and sighed.

"Can we just leave now?" Tristan nodded, shoving the picture frame into his bag and reaching for my hand.

"Let's get out of here." He ended up dropping my hand and helping his unstable friend to the door before locking it up. Bennett was out a few minutes after we got in the car.

"He isn't going to remember this, will he?" I asked Tristan, glancing back at Bennett in the backseat.

"Probably not, but who knows? He wouldn't tell us if he did. And if I were you, I wouldn't say a word about it." I stared at Tristan for a second, my dry lips parting.

"You knew? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because it wasn't my place to say anything, Syd. It's his life." I laid my head against the window, shutting my eyes. I felt Tristan's hand on my leg a few minutes later.

"You okay?" He whispered. I nodded, rolling my head over so he could see the sad smile on my face. He took a deep breath before going back to putting all his attention on the road while I looked back at Bennett again.

I don't know why his story surprised me so much. I knew something had happened that had turned him cold, turned him into who he is. Sure he'd been quiet through all of high school, but he had taken another turn after it. But never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined him losing his girlfriend and unborn child, that was just horrible.

When we finally pulled up to my house, I pulled a sticky note out of my purse and started to write quickly so I wouldn't keep Tristan waiting too long and handed him the note.

"Give it to him when he'll understand, please." He nodded, setting it down and climbing out of the car. I sent one last sad glance at Bennett before joining Tristan outside of the car and letting him lead me up my driveway and on to my porch.

***AN***

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~ChasingMadness24