Since I cannot completely use my right hand perfectly, have these. [The amount of typos I had to correct is beyond me]

~·~·~·~

Shiro: Hey, do you think I could fit fifteen marshmallows in my mouth?

???: You're a hazard to society

???: And a coward. Do twenty.

═══*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═══

Uzui: I'm quick at math.

Sanemi: Okay, what's 26 x 54?

Uzui: 12.

Sanemi: What? That's not even remotely close.

Uzui: But it was quick.

*loud screaming could be heard as Uzui ran down the hallway*

═══*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═══

*before (Y/N) and Sanemi started dating*

Sanemi: I have feelings for you.

(Y/N), with a happy smile: You do!?

Sanemi: Yes. I feel you're a little annoying.

═══*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═══

Muichiro: What time is it?

Koichi: Pass me the saxophone and I'll find out.

[Yuichiro passes Koichi the sax and plays it loudly]

Michikatsu from the third floor: whO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT 2AM!?

Yuichiro and Koichi: It's 2am

═══*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═══

Shiro: Am I in trouble?

Sanemi: Have a guess.

Shiro: No?

Sanemi: Have another guess.

═══*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═══

Shiro: {???} gave me a get better card.

???: Did you get sick? 

Shiro: Nah, {???} just said that I could do better.

???: Oh.

═══*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═══

Shiro: Uncle, can you recommend me a book that made you cry?

Genya: general mathematics, 6th edition.

═══*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═══

Uzui: [giving phone to Sanemi] It's your girlfriend, (Y/N).

Sanemi: She's not my girlfriend.

Also Sanemi: Hey babe. 

(can also be used for Iguro)

═══*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═══

*faculty meeting*

Kanae: What's the worst part of being a dad?

Hemijima: the kids.

*a few hours ago*

Uzui: Good morning, parental figure!

Himejima: Good morning, problem child.

═══*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═══

Shiro: Bro, you shouldn't be using a straw.

???: I know, it's bad for the environment.

Shiro: No, bro, that's just a really weird way to eat spaghetti.

═══*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═══

Koichi: Rules are made to be broken!

Yoriichi: Rules were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken.

(Y/N): Uh, piñatas!

Muichiro: Glow sticks!

Koichi: Karate boards!

Yuichiro: The mind.

Michikatsu: The bones.

═══*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═══

[a game night within the Tokito household]

Yoriichi: *shows card* Ace of spades.

Muichiro: *throws UNO card* Card +4 colors!

Koichi: *shows pokemon card* Pikachu, I choose you!

Michikatsu: WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE PLAYING!?

(Y/N): I thought we were playing old maid?

Koichi: The instruction said crazy eights.

═══*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═══

Shiro: Quick question...

Sanemi: Yes?

Shiro: Can a human breath in a washing machine when it's on?

Sanemi:

Shiro: This is all hypothetical--

Sanemi: Where the fuck is {???}.

═══*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═══

Shiro: I told dad to chill and he said "I am chill" and I said, "I thought you were dad"

Shiro: I dad joked my dad

Shiro: I AM THE REVOLUTION!!

Sanemi: Hello revolution, I'm dad.

???: A bitter defeat.

═══*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═══

???: At times like these I really wish I listened to what {???} told me.

Shiro: What did {???} say?

???: I don't know, I didn't listen.

═══*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═══

When Himejima is out

Iguro: What do we do!?

Uzui: [frantically screaming] I DON'T KNOW!!

Sanemi: You're the oldest!!

Uzui: NOT MENTALLY!!

═══*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═══

Police: You're under arrest for trying to carry five people on a motorcycle.

Uzui: Wait, what do you mean FIVE?!

Police: yes...? Five?

Uzui: OHMYFUCKINGOD!! 

Police: Sir?

Uzui: Tomioka fucking fell off!!

═══*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═══

*before Sanemi and (Y/N) started dating. (Y/N) is on a visit to the Shinazugawa household but Shizun is not around.*

(Y/N), holding a cup of tea: What kind of tea is this?

Sanemi, ignoring her: I just boiled some Gatorade.

═══*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═══

Tanjiro, being a curious little bean: What if mayonnaise came in cans?

Inosuke: That would suck because you can't microwave metal...

Zenitsu: Good morning to everyone except these two people!

═══*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═══

Giyuu: Anyone want to travel with me? Thinking of going to the Bermuda triangle and just disappearing.

Shinobu: Not even the Bermuda triangle would want you.

═══*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═══

Shiro: Bro, look at this art.

???: Let me see it bro.

Shiro: [shows his phone]

???: Bro that's just the camera on selfie

Shiro: That's cuz ur the art bro

???: BRO

═══*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═══

Giyuu: There is no 'I' in 'Happyness' 

Shinobu: There is if you fucking spell it right.

═══*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═══

*family helping each other out*

(Y/N): I'm having problems with a guy...

Michikatsu: Like his dead body won't fit in a bag kind of problems or you like him kind of problem.

Yoriichi: I have large bags if you want to.

(Y/N): please don't.

═══*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═══

(Y/N), the innocent bean

Sanemi: *aggressively slamming the book on the desk*

(Y/N): Don't be mean to the book!! How would you feel like it if I bang you on the desk?!

Sanemi:

(Y/N):

Sanemi: I... I don't know how to answer that-

Genya, being tutored: *is traumatized*

═══*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═══

Shiro, a very playful teenager: Today I'm conducting an experiment to see who is afraid of spiders.

[loud, high pitched screaming in the bathroom]

Shiro, crying and rushing to the bathroom: Mommy I'm sorry!!! It wasn't meant for you!!!

═══*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═══

Shiro: Okay, so I have some good news and some bad news. What do you want first?

Sanemi, sipping his fourth coffee: Good news.

Shiro: I will never do it again.

═══*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═══

(Y/N): If I said I love you, would you say it back?

Sanemi: Sure.

(Y/N): I love you!!

Sanemi: It back.

(Y/N), is now sad:  :'(

Sanemi: ... I love you too...

═══*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═══

(Iguro and Mitsuri ver)

Mitsuri: If I said I love you, would you say it back?

Iguro, without missing a beat: I love you with all my heart and I swear to my life that you will be the happiest woman to ever grace the earth. 

Iguro, wakes up with a tear: Fuck.

═══*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*═══

That is all!! Writing with my left hand is a pain because I am right-handed!