KULSUM'S POV.

I can still remember the first time I took drugs. I was scared because I knew the consequence of drug abuse. I knew so much at the time but then someone convinced me that it is the solution. So, I took it because at the time I desperately needed an escape. I needed something that will help me forget everything.

The drugs I took at that time helped me forget everything, literally. I couldn't even remember what my name was. At the time, I wasn't used to it so the small amount I took intoxicated me a lot.

I then started taking it frequently, each time the dose larger than the one before. Eventually, I found myself completely dependent on it. I couldn't spend a day without drugs. My money, everything, went down just to get money to buy drugs. But it didn't stop at just drugs, I once tried alcohol. It worked, but it didn't exactly give me the feeling I wanted.

I still remember that day. It was the day my family figured out my addiction.

I stepped out of the car belonging to the person that offered to give me a ride. Truth be told, I don't and can't remember the person's face or how I met her. That is, if it's even a her and not a him. I don't know, I barely remember everything from that night.

I stumbled out of the car that's blaring with music at its peak. On normal occasion, the sound would've disturbed me but tonight, it's my jam. I found myself singing to the lyrics that obviously wasn't the right ones but yeah...it was fun and I like fun.

My gaze was blurry but I still made out the blob like figures of our gateman and the security guards. I found myself grinning for no reason at all. I found everything funny tonight. And that includes things that would've normally irk me.

I could hear them faintly calling out my name in what sounds like...panic? Maybe. I'm not really sure. I somehow managed to walk by them. One of the guards tried to hold my arm and help me stand when my wobbly feet almost made me fall but I swat his hands away. How dare he try to touch me? I should be angry, furious even! But I wasn't. I actually laughed to his face and then continued my journey to main flat.

It was night time so most of the workers were gone. I brought the bottle of liquor to my lips and took a gulp of it. The taste burned my throat but I took it all in. The alcohol tasted weird, it was nothing like I ever took before.

I pushed the front door open and stepped in, "I'M HOME!" I said in a song like tone before I giggled at the thought. What's funny there? I don't know and I don't care. "HELLO? ANYONE HOME?" I yelled as I made my way to the living room.

I squinted my eyes when my gaze became blurrier but it still didn't clear up. So, I raised my hand up and ran it over my face in hopes that it will help but it didn't. I ignored it and walked forward, stumbling when my leg hit the center table I didn't notice. "Sorry Mr. Table" I said patting the table with my hand, "Forgive me" I laughed just in time I heard footsteps approach the living room. By the sound I could tell it was more than one person.

I turned to see blob like figures walk in. I think there's five of them, or is it three?

"Ummul Kulsum what happened to you?!" I heard someone shriek. The person sounded like that woman...the woman that gave birth to me.

"Can you apologize to Mr. Table for me?" I ignored her question as I leaned down and pat Mr. table beside me before I walk away from him.

"Apologize to what? Mom what's wrong with her?" I heard another familiar voice say. The person sounded...worried? No, it can't be. None of them is worried about me.

I found a spot and sat down as I swung the bottle of alcohol up and drank greedily from it, I could feel the bottle becoming lighter, I'm probably about to finish it. With that thought in mind, I pushed away the thought of how bitter it tasted and finished the bottle before it was snatched out of my grip by someone.

I can hardly make out the person's figure trying to sniff me I think, "Urgh! You reek of alcohol!" The familiar voice from earlier exclaimed.

"Alcohol?" My mother asked as she walked towards the person in front of me and collected the now empty bottle from her. She examined the bottle while I rested my head on the couch behind me and looked at the ceiling, "Kulsum were you drinking alcohol? How many did you take? When did you start drinking alcohol? Are you forgetting it's haram?!" she fired her questions, her voice rising with each and every question she asks.

Instead of answering like she expects me to, I laughed. I laughed so much that I found myself clutching my stomach while my eyes well up with tears. I don't know if it's tears due to laughing hard, or a sarcastic laughter realizing the position I'm in. I guess it's both.

I wanted to be angry, but I couldn't find it in me to be angry.

"How many did you take Kulsum?" The other voice that I know recognize as my sister, Sabrina, asked. Her voice held so many emotions that I couldn't believe she had in her.

I raised my hand up and counted with my fingers, "Two...three...one?" I asked her making her sigh.

"How did this happen?!" My mother sounded like she's scared. For what reason? I don't know.

"Kulsum," Someone tapped my shoulder. The voice belonging to someone that hasn't spoken since.

I turned my head and through my blurry gaze I could make out the features of Zayn's face. The look on his face broke my heart. I had a similar look etched on my face just a few hours ago except mine was deeper than his. I didn't care that my mother and sister looked and sounded worried, I don't care about them. Zayn however, I hate seeing him that way. He's only fifteen.

He looked horrified, I couldn't possibly look that bad. Could I?

"Zayn," I pulled him in an embrace which he reciprocated.

Though I feel really bad for him, I couldn't find it in me to worry that deeply. I guess the alcohol is doing its job right.

Sniffing sounds and tears made me blink my eyes. My shirt's slowly being soaked with tears. But it wasn't my tears. It was Zayn's. And that's what saddened me more. I'd rather be the one crying than for it to be Zayn. Ever. My little brother meant that much to me.

That was the last time I took alcohol. I figured if it would make Zayn that worried, I'd rather give it up. I couldn't do the same thing with drugs though. Zayn been sent abroad to study a few weeks after that incident allowed me to take drugs as much as I want without any care in the world.

At first I only took the drug once in a while. That happened for about a year or so before I slowly became dependent on it. I didn't stop even when Zayn returned. I couldn't stop.

With the amount of drugs, I've been taking, I'm still surprised I'm still alive. I guess I'm just lucky.

But luck isn't something I want anymore.

Which is why I'm down that somehow I survived what I took the other day.

Two weeks. I'd been out cold for two weeks. I found that out when I asked my sister.

When I woke up, I couldn't help the disappointment I felt. Memories of what happened came rushing back to me and I found myself turning numb at the thought of the message I'd received before I blacked out. It's been a while since I received a message from him. But that message, it's the same one I received that day.

"Kulsum" Someone called out my name making me whisk my head in the direction of the door to see Sabrina walk in alone, "You're awake" she said.

I rolled my eyes and sighed. My head's pounding and I'm not exactly in the mood to deal with any of my family members at the moment. I'm surprised she's even here.

"Sabrina get out" I said, my voice sounding hoarse.

"Kulsum I can't" she said as she reached my bed. "We can't leave you alone after what happened"

"How long has it been?" I asked looking around my room to see everything's still the same way I left it. Except that the drugs were missing. I already expected that.

She sighed, "Two weeks"

"Great" I muttered in annoyance, "Now get out" I said harshly remembering what occurred that drove me to my last action.

"Kulsum can we talk about this?"

"When I wanted to talk did you listen or care?"

"Kulsum..."

"Did you listen?" I asked again ignoring the statement she wants to start. She sighed, she looked like she wants to say something but she didn't. "Sabrina get out of my room before I do something I'll not regret. You know very well what I'm capable of" I warned, my eyes narrowed at her and my voice dangerously low. At this moment I can hurt her and I'll not feel any remorse for it. Not one bit.

Without another word she stood up and left. Smart girl.

I then sighed and look away.

I can't live this way. I can't. I need to get my drugs. At whatever cost it will take.

And that was exactly what I did.

***

So this is supposed to be tomorrow's update😂😄 but I have things to do so I'm dropping it 5 hours earlier.

I repeat, this is tomorrow's update o😂😂

So, what do you think of this book so far?

Also, share please.

Another question, who loves highschool books?😏 I do. A lot!!! Books like she's with me and after😭😭❤

Anyways,

Love, Jannah.