KULSUM'S POV

I can't remember the last time we attended any of the dinners we were invited. I'll date it back to when I was the old Kulsum not the current one that's basically a walking dead. So to hear him say that we're going for a dinner we were invited to came as a shock to me considering what happened earlier.

I should've known he was up to something. But I didn't at the time.

And also, by the looks of it, my mom knew about it because the minute I went back to my room, a black abayah was laid on my bed with its veil beside its veil beside it. On top of the black veil is a silver bracelet and matching studs. And then beside my bed, where there's no carpet is a pair of heels.

I released a small sigh. At least she picked out black outfit.

I removed my hands from the pocket of my hoodie and let my fingers run on the delicate fabric of the abayah. It is soft and looked really expensive, it will hurt Mama if I didn't put it on. But then again, I can't remember the last time I had put on anything other than hoodies or pajamas.

Sighing, I plopped myself on my bed and sighed. My gaze moved back to the outfit. For Mom, I'd wear the abayah but not the jewelry and the heels. No way.

I leaned back on the bed and closed my eyes. After a few seconds, I pulled out my phone from the pocket of my hoodie and checked the time.

3:43pm.

The dinner isn't until seven which means I have the next few hours to myself.

Just great.

That gives me time to get lost in my thoughts that always ends up doing me more good than harm.

Fantastic!

~*~

I looked at myself as I stood in front of the full length mirror. It felt so weird to put on something other than my usual outfit. I didn't want to do it but I still applied little makeup which consisted of lip gloss and mascara. Wait, let me rephrase that sentence. Sabrina, my elder sister, stormed into my room a few minutes ago and forced me to put it on. She applied something to cover up the dark circles underneath my eyes which I got from my insomnia.

See, Sabrina is the one and only person that can force me to do something like this—in times I don't feel like putting up a fight that is. So yeah, that happened.

As I raised my hand up to pick up the veil, the sleeves of the abayah rolled up revealing my wrists that I'd been trying not to look at for months. For each time I look at it, it brings back memories I don't want to remember.

My wrists had nasty fleshes that had signs of my once suicidal self. It is covered with scars from the numerous time I had cut them. Now, all that is left is the ugly scar tissues that will forever remind me of who I am. As much I'd love to say that I am no longer that person I'd be lying because I am that person.

They want me to get better but what they don't realize is that drugs are the only thing that'll make me better. So, they keeping drugs away from me is them not wanting me to become better.

Closing my eyes shut, I tried to get rid of those thoughts. I have to stop drifting away each time I think of something.

And the only way to stop thinking of such things is drugs. Just a little three to five pills will be enough. I got this under control. I'm doing this for myself, I'm helping myself get better.

"You ready?" Sabrina's voice snapped me out of my trance. I looked away from the full length mirror to where she stood by the door in an outfit similar to mine. Except that while I am donning a black one, she's wearing a carmine one with light touches of white. Her face is covered with a full blown makeup. Naturally, she's beautiful. But, for some reason she'd always had that obsession of putting on makeup.

"Yeah. I am. Let's get this over and done with" I couldn't hide the boredom in my tone, I never could. I don't want to meet new people and pretend like I'm okay when I'm really not. I can't stand being around people that are all happy and whatnot—people who have the perfect life with absolutely nothing to worry about while I'm here drowning in misery.

So, the sooner we get this over and done with, the better it is for me.

But then again, this dinner might just work in my favor. Maybe...just maybe, where we're going I might just find one or two drugs there. That will be enough to help me for now. I can figure out where to get more later.

"Let's go then. Everyone's waiting for us outside" She said before walking out.

I slipped into a pair of flats I found in my closet and picked up my phone before following after her.

I hope I get what I want there. It's about time for me to help myself since they won't help me the right way.

~*~

I didn't pay any attention throughout the drive. It's not like I do that before. The only time I paid any heed to where we're going—or where we are to be more precise, is when Zayn nudged my shoulder. I looked around only to realize that we'd arrived at a beautiful house. No, a mansion will suit this place more. The house is so similar to ours in terms of size.

That is as far as I can go. I couldn't bring myself to care about the architectural design of the house. I opened the door to the side of the car I'm sitting and stepped out. Zayn followed behind me as he's the one sitting alongside me in that car.

Mum and Dad stepped out of the car they were in while Sabrina stepped out her car that she drove here. Every one of them were dressed to impress, except for me of course. Like I said earlier, I ditched the studs, necklace and heels for a pair of flats only. Mum didn't say anything though, if anything she looked like she was relieved that I at least wore the abayah. It seemed like she didn't expect me to put it on at all.

I followed behind them as Mum and Dad lead the way, Sabrina followed behind them while I and Zayn followed suit quietly. That is, until Zayn spoke up.

"Who do you think we're meeting this time?" he asked quietly so that only I will hear.

I shrugged. I'm surprised he doesn't knows considering the fact that Sabrina knows.

"Well I don't care who they are as long as they serve good food" he said clapping his two hands together lowly.

I turned to look at him and raised my brow questionably. This boy is seriously a child. All he cares about is PS and food. The boy can live his life with those two alone.

We walked into the house accompanied by someone I don't know. Not that I know much people recently anyways. Zayn kept his gaze on his phone as we walked in while I just focused on following our parents. The old me would've gushed about the interior design of the house but the present me doesn't care about it. It's basically the last thing on my mind right now.

"Assalamu alaikum" My father smiled reaching out his hand to shake hands with an old man that looked vaguely familiar.

I raised my hand to massage my temple for a second before dropping it back. Mum and the woman beside the man shook hands too before they hugged. The woman's gaze looked over Mum's shoulder only to rest on Sabrina. Sabrina smiled and returned back the embrace the woman gave her.

"Yay...a reunion" Zayn mutters beside me. I couldn't pinpoint the emotion underneath his words though but I had a pretty good guess what it is.

The two couple waited for Zayn and I to say something but we kept our lips sealed. I had a good reason for doing that. I don't like people—especially strangers. Zayn however was doing it for my sake. Like I said before, the boy is so much like me at times.

They noticed it but no one said a thing like they were expecting that.

The man cleared his throat, "Thank you for accepting our invite. It means a lot. We know how busy your family is"

We're the busy ones now? Busy won't even cut it.

My father laughs slightly, "It's an honor. It's about time we put everything in the past and start over right?"

"Yes. Yes, it is" they all agreed as if it's their decision to decide. It's not. It never was and will never be.

My mother smiled just like everyone in the room did—except Zayn and I. We both have our lips set into a straight line. Being around all this happy vibe is giving me chills, and the bad type for that matter. I can't stand this. If only there was a way for me to ditch this, I totally will. My head started to ache terribly, I knew that feeling as I am accustomed to it. But, this time it's worse than all the others.

And if this isn't bad enough, three people choose to walk in that very time.

"Well, you know our children. The eldest son, Hanif and the twins, Yusrah and Aasim" The woman said gesturing to three people that stared at us with small smiles on their faces.

I moved my gaze to my mum and dad whom both avoided my gaze. The minute my gaze met that of Sabrina's, she looked away quickly.

Seriously? Can this get any worse?

~*~

Double update today because I just woke up to a long heartwarming message about this book😭❤ By Allah I'm happy that some of you people love this book.

So, what's going on here?

Bye!

Love, Jannah.