KULSUM'S POV.

Sometimes in life, the most unexpected things happen in times we least expect.

I never thought I'd spent so much time without talking to my brother. But I happened.

The last time Zayn and I talked was when my parents sent me off to rehab. During therapy I had with them, he didn't utter a word and same thing as when I got admitted here. He'd come around along with Mom and Dad but he just watches me quietly, then leave.

To be honest even I didn't try to talk to him. Not because I'm still angry at him but because I just assume that this must all be hard for him. But I know despite how goofy and stupid he tends to act, my baby brother is the strongest in the family.

So, imagine my surprise when he came today alone, and the minute he sat beside me, started crying.

At first, I didn't know what to do. I was caught off guard honestly. The only times I saw Zayn cry was when my family found out about my addiction, the day I promised him that I'd stop taking drugs, and the day I was sent off to rehab. Those were the only few times.

"I'm sorry Kulsum. I'm so sorry" He sobbed as he rested his head on the bed, his body shaking with each tear that fell.

I blinked furiously out of confusion, I shook my head as I placed my hand on his shoulders trying to pull him up but he won't budge. Damn he's strong, or maybe I'm just too weak. "Zayn what are you talking about?" I asked giving up once I realized I can't move him.

I'm growing weaker by the day.

"I'm sorry Kulsum" he sobbed again refusing to lift his head and let me see his tear stricken face.

"Zayn you did nothing for me to forgive you" I swallowed the lump of tear threatening to escape. No, I can't cry when Zayn is crying. I promised myself I'll always be here for him. This is one of those times.

"No Kulsum, I shouldn't have allowed them to---to" he choked up on his tears again. "I shouldn't have let them take you to rehab" he shook his head and buried his face in between his palms.

I removed the duvet covering half of my body and slowly got out of the bed with much effort. I really did mean it when I say I'm getting weaker by the day; chemotherapy is contributing to this a lot.

I crouched in front of Zayn and wrapped my arms around him as much as the IV I'd stuck to my hand allows me. No matter what I say I know he won't believe me so this is the one thing I can think of. After all, actions do speak louder than words. It took him a while to reciprocate it but when he did, he cried on my shoulder.

"I'm scared Kulsum" he admitted so low I hardly heard it. But I did.

"Why?"

"Because you're going to leave me"

I don't care what I said earlier about being strong for him but at this moment, I really couldn't hold in my tears. I'm just thankful he can't see my face. I used one of my hands to quickly wipe the tears away but more just roll out. "I'm still here am I not?" my voice came out hoarse and low. I sniffed clear my throat slightly.

"But you'll leave me soon"

I had to bit my lower lip hard so as not to cry out. The last time I felt this emotional and cried this much was before I started taking drugs. Even when I found out my son is alive, I didn't cry this much.

There has always been a reason as I why I love Zayn more than anything currently. Apart from the fact that he's my baby brother, he reminds me so much of my son that I lost. My little boy didn't look like me or his father but more like Zayn. At first I was a little bit sad but I couldn't wait to see him grow up and see whether he'll still look like his uncle.

I never got the chance though.

But I do have my brother. I have the one person that reminds me of my son even by just glancing at him.

I wiped my tears again before I pulled back. Now, I can see his face because he has no means of hiding it and for a minute I wish I didn't. It only broke my heart more seeing his red puffy face. "Listen Zayn, you have mom, dad and Sabrina. They'll always be here for you" I don't know how I managed to make my voice come out strong when I'm internally breaking down.

He shook his head as he sniffed, "No, they don't love me. Only you do"

I didn't know what to say honestly. I've only been there for him so he wouldn't feel this way and though he never said it out loud, I know he had been hurting too. But to hear him say that, it only made me realize that he more hurt than I ever thought.

"Don't say that" He looked up, "Mom loves you so much, and so does dad" I will not say anything regarding Sabrina and give him false hope. I honestly don't want to hurt him more than he already is and I know giving him false hope will only hurt him more than he already is. "Listen Zayn, you have a whole life ahead of you to live. You have to finish studying and become a doctor right? You'll make me proud?"

"I don't want to be a doctor anymore Kulsum. I'd rather be a soldier"

I nodded as my lisp stretch into a small smile, "Then you be that. I'll be with you every step of the way"

He didn't say anything but hug me again. That was a lie what I just said and we both know it so I let him cry on my shoulder because I didn't want him to see me cry too. We're both an emotional mess to say the least, "You know I love you right Zayn?"

He nodded, "I know" he muttered, "I know I don't say this often but I love you more than anyone Kulsum. I'll miss you so...so much!"

"I know it will sound really weird to say this now but can you get me a soda please? I'm tired of taking water and medicine all the time" I said as I pulled away from the hug and chuckled slightly.

"I'm not sure if you're allowed to—"

"Please Zayn"

He nodded and wiped his tears before he went out.

I waited till I heard the sound of his footsteps fading before I sat on the floor and cover my mouth to muffle the sounds of me crying. I didn't stop the tears this time nor attempted to hold them back. I've held it in for so long even I need a break. I had to send him away. So, I cried. I cried so much that my body shook with each and every tear that fell.

I didn't want him to see me crying. I'm supposed to comfort him but I can't do it. I just...can't.

How can I make him feel better when I know my time is shorter than they all expect?

~*~

I sighed as I looked at myself in the mirror. I ran my hand through my short that's falling off more and more due to the chemo. My red eyes due to how much tears I've shed is now swollen along with my face. I couldn't bear to look at myself though I've looked much worse before but now...things are just different.

I put back on my beanie and glanced at myself one last time in the mirror before I walked out of the bathroom and back into my room.

I was sitting alone on my bed when the door opened and in walked a woman and a small girl. Mom went to see my doctor while dad is out looking for my son as he promised. At first I didn't want to believe that he'll actually do that but they had nothing for me to not trust them. He was serious when he said that he'll not release any press statement about my story that got out. He didn't.

Sabrina...I haven't seen her since I woke up and no one in my family has spoken about her.

And Zayn...he's yet to return since he went to get me a soda. I'm sure he's somewhere crying.

The woman and the small girl walked towards my bed after saying her salam which I replied to. "Ummu Kulsum. Hi, I'm Laura's mother" she said as she extends her hand out for a handshake.

I smiled as I shook her hand. I did recognize her the minute she walked in I just didn't think of saying anything first. "Hi" I offered her the smallest smile I could muster. I'm not really in the mood for smiles or anything.

"I heard you're here and I've wanted to meet you for a very long time" she said as she offered me a small smile too. "I never got to thank you for saving my daughter's life"

I looked down. I don't think I deserve her thanks. How did I save her daughter when both she and I ended up in rehab together? If anything, Laura saved me because if not for her then I would've ended my life while I was still in rehab.

"Laura spoke about you y'know"

I raised my head and looked at the woman in front of me that seems to be around the same age as my mother. My brows caressed in confusion, "Huh?"

"She spoke about you" she repeated, "On the day she was brought here before she passed away the next day. She told me that she met you again and she was happy that she got to repay you for your saving her life"

I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. "She saved me" I blinked the tears back, you'll understand why I'm emotional later, "If not for her, I would've given up so actually, I should be the one to thank you. She was a good person"

Her mother nodded with eyes filled with tears. I guess I reminded her of her late daughter. I understand how she feel honestly. Losing a child isn't easy though I know my son is alive but I don't think I'll ever get to see him, ever. "She said the same thing about you"

I know Laura and I weren't exactly the best of friends, if we were any to begin with but we are so alike in many ways. I'm just sad I never got the chance to thank her.

The woman placed her hand on the shoulder of the little girl hiding behind her with her thumb in her mouth. She looked so much like her late mother, "This is her daughter"

I smiled at the little girl as I reached out my hand to her. She hesitantly put her small hands in mine before she flashed me a small smile, "She look so much like Laura. What's her name?"

"Ummu Kulsum"

I looked up immediately, my gazing resting on Laura's mother as my mouth hung open slightly.

The woman nodded as she blinked back the tears threatening to fall, "Yes. She named her after you" she looked down and there is this glint in her eyes when she looked at her granddaughter. I couldn't blame her though, the little girl is a part of her daughter she left behind. "She said she owe you for talking her out of what could've been the biggest mistake of her life"

I looked at the little girl once again with a small grin on my face and tear filled eyes, "Hey Kulsum"

~*~

Kulsum and her grandmother left shortly after. I still couldn't believe that Laura named her daughter after me. That is the best thing anyone has ever done to me in my life.

I said my Asr prayer once they left. Amidst of my addiction and wallowing in self misery I forgot to return back to my lord and pray. I really did track but I got right back. I can't exactly state how long I spent pleading for forgiveness from Allah.

When I was done, Mom and Zayn are still not back yet so I thought of doing something I haven't done in a long time. Write.

Yes. I actually used to love writing.

So, as I opened my old diary which I had mom bring for me, I scribbled down everything I wanted to say and share with others but never got the chance to.

Every thought. Every memory. Every experience. Every lesson I learnt from my life and every truth I wished someone told me but never did. Everything I wanted to say but will never get the chance to.

By the end of it all, I was in tears.

I actually wrote down everything. I wrote down my story.

~*~

One chapter to go....

Who's cutting onions?

Oh Em Geeeeeeee!

Bye sha.

Love, Jannah.