KULSUM'S POV.

I've been through so much in life that I thought nothing will surprise me anymore.

I was wrong. So wrong.

Because to be honest, I didn't expect the news I just got.

How could I not have thought of this before, I mean it was really obvious but I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I didn't notice.

Laura passed away today morning.

Yes. The same Laura I met in the rehab.

I should've known that the way she was acting yesterday was off, really off. I mean I did notice that she was being more cheerful than she ever was, and I noticed something off about her appearance but I didn't give much thought to it.

Apparently, she knew that her time will soon be over that was why she told me everything I asked her.

Well, not everything. She didn't tell me how she found my son or where I can find him. I regret not asking her that but I'm not that heartless to say that I didn't feel some kind of sadness when I heard the news of her demise.

I pulled the beanie on my head to cover the strands of hair that escaped as I watched Laura's mother wail over her dead daughter's body. She was transferred to this hospital last night from Lagos but she passed away this morning. I didn't even know that she's in the same hospital I am because I would've checked up on her. She's the only person I can say I grow a little bit close to.

I mean in the rehab center talking to someone only twice signifies that you are acquaintances because most go through their session without interacting with anyone, ever. And to me, she's the one person I spoke to twice. I don't know if you can count Hayra in the equation because she and I only talked once and even that ended in she walking away from me for reason only known to her.

Bottom line is, I guess Laura was right when she told me that no matter all obstacles, family is for life.

When she and I first met, after her husband committed suicide, she was all alone. Her family abandoned her because they didn't agree with the kind of man she married, that was another thing that made her so depressed she thought of abortion and suicide. At least I talked he rout of it.

I don't know what happened afterwards, but she reunited with her family somehow. Because as I watched her mother cry, her three-year-old daughter she left behind is in the arms of her father sobbing. The girl probably hardly knew her mother since Laura spent the longest time in rehab but anyone could tell that the little girl understood that she lost someone that meant a lot in her life. She silently sobbed in her grandfather's arms. He too wiped his tears every now and then.

I tear my gaze away from the family and rested it on Laura's lifeless, pale body. I couldn't exactly state how I felt knowing that will be me in a couple of days.

I mean...how will you feel knowing that you will die in a couple of days?

I can't tell but I do know that you won't be jumping up and down out of excitement.

I wanted and tried to end my life times without number but now that I'm actually going to die, I feel something I've felt all those other times before.

Fear.

My view on life and thoughts on wasting my life away changed because of Laura.

I guess if her life and death taught me anything is that life is too precious for it to be wasted away.

Laura taught me that.

I wiped the tears that streamed down my face. I glanced at her lifeless body one last time, before I turned and walked away.

Laura is gone.

~*~

I've started chemoradiation already much to my parent's pleasure. I only agreed to this seeing as they are putting so much effort into trying to be there for me at this difficult stage in my life. Though I won't admit it out loud, I really do appreciate them being with me through.

I get doses of Gemcitabine in the morning along with Abraxane or Tarceva and afterwards, radiation therapy. I know it's only a matter of time before my hair starts to fall off due to the radiotherapy though it's only focused on my abdomen. I am actually grateful that I get external beam radiotherapy and not internal beam radiotherapy because God knows I don't want to have capsules placed in my body.

I've already gone through enough. The least they can do is not make my last days on earth more painful than it already is.

It's only been a few days since Laura passed away but I'm still shaken up by her death. I tried as much as I can to not think about it but it's possible.

She was the only means I have of ever getting my son and now she's gone. I may sound selfish thinking about my son when the woman has passed away but like I said numerous times before, unless you're in my shoes, you shouldn't think of judging me.

"Try and eat something Kulsum. You haven't eaten anything since morning" My mom said, trying to convince me again into eating food.

She won't understand though, I have zero appetite to eat anything in the moment, "Mom I can't. Maybe later?"

She sighed before she nodded, but I can still tell she wasn't exactly happy about me not eating anything especially with the treatment I'm going through.

But despite the fact that I didn't have any appetite to eat food, the thought in my head makes me forget about the food and everything else. I wanted to talk to her about this when Dad was here earlier but for some reason I couldn't. Don't ask me why because even I don't know.

I put my hand under my pillow and pulled out the envelope that was delivered earlier. The rehab people cleared up my room and sent everything of mine that I left there, and that includes the letters I received when I was in rehab. I tore the one from him into tiny pieces and then dumped it in the trashcan.

He is a part of my life I don't want to think of these last few days of mine on earth. The least I can do is spend these days without any trouble from him, whoever he is.

The other one though, I kept. I couldn't throw that away even if I want to.

I handed it over to my mother who looked at me with brows furrowed. She then glanced at the paper before she collected it and slipped her hand into it and pulled out the contents. I watched her closely as I noticed the way her eyes dilated slowly as if in realization, "Kulsum...is this?" she looked up.

I nodded.

"How..."

"I got it from Laura. You know, the lady that passed away a few days ago, the one I was in rehab with. I don't know how she got it and where he is but I don't have much time. I want to find my son mom. I know you'll say—"

"Let's look for him then" she cuts me off not letting me finish my statement.

I'm sure my face displays nothing but the confusion I feel. Honestly, that is not what I expected her to say. So, she surprised me.

She seems to be doing a lot of that recently.

"What?"

"Let's find my grandson Kulsum" she said as she looked from the looking at the picture. In her eyes is this determined look I've only seen in her whenever she talks about something concerning dad's campaign but today...she has that look because of me.

I didn't know when my eyes sting with tears. I've never been the emotional type but this...this is something I've yearned for years. I blinked the tears back as my lips stretch into a small smile because I'm actually happy, the first in months or years. "The only problem is; I don't know where to start" I sighed a is massaged the crease in between my brows. This is what has been stressing me for the longest period of time.

"We'll figure this out Kulsum" she said as if trying to assure me that this will all be alright.

I looked at her, I blinked my eyes tiredly. I seem to be exhausted more these days, "You really think so?"

She nodded as she offered me a reassuring smile. She then placed the envelop and the pictures on the bed and reached her hand out to hold mine, "Listen Kulsum. I know I have never been the best mother to you and for that I am so sorry. I have no words to explain myself because I'm sure no words will justify my actions towards you and your siblings, you especially. People say you never know what you have until you lose it but the truth is, you already know what you have. You just didn't think you'll lose it. I guess it took me realizing that I will actually lose you in a few days, minutes or seconds, only Allah knows but Kulsum...I'll try to be the best mother I can ever be to you" she sniffed and wiped away the few tears that stream down her face. She looked down to clear her throat and when she looked back at me again, her face is red, "I know you won't forgive me now Kulsum, and you probably won't till your last breath but I want you to know that I'll spend every second for the rest of my life regretting my actions towards you"

It wasn't just a spur of the moment, it's something I wanted to do for the longest period of time. I leaned down and hugged my mother. It actually feels weird, so weird. I can't remember the last time I hugged her or even attempted to do so but it feels so right at the same time.

She's right. It will take a while for me to forgive her and get over it.

The very time I don't have.

As of now, I'll spend every minute I get to have with her. I'll cherish those very moments till my last breath.

~*~

Mom and I were amidst of talking when the door swung open and in walked two people. Both our gazes furrowed in confusion, or at least mine did—mom didn't seem surprised.

They greeted Mom before they turned to me and offered me smiles. I couldn't reciprocate it though; I didn't understand what they're doing here.

"Kulsum. Hope you're feeling much better now?" My cousin that works at the hospital I used to get therapy asked with a smile on his face.

Is the guy kidding me?

I'm dying. How can I feel better?

And yet people call him a doctor with that peanut sized brain of his.

"The doctor said she's responding well to her treatment. The cancer's growth has started to slow" my mother replied instead seeing as I don't plan on opening my mouth. Or maybe she realized that if I did, he won't like what will come out of it.

"Masha Allah. That's good news then" he said making my mother nod.

The two start talking about atopic I wasn't paying much attention to, so, I didn't bother to join and after a while, they stood up and left to get 'something'.

"You're doing much better than I expected"

I really tried my best to not scoff but I couldn't help it. I rolled my eyes, "Yeah sorry to disappoint you"

He sighed as the space between his brows creased up, "That didn't come out right. What I mean is I'm glad to see that you're getting better"

"I'm surprised to see you here. Aren't you busy?"

"Kulsum, you know I seriously want to stay here and help you mourn the loss of our son but..."

"Wait a minute" I cut his off. I could feel the anger surging in my veins as he uttered those words, "What do you mean by 'loss'? My son is not dead"

He sighed before he used his palm and swiped it over his face, something he does whenever he's frustrated. "Listen Kulsum. I know the loss of—"

"My son is not..."

"—A son must've shaken you up but you can't sit and be wallowing yourself in misery for the rest of your life!"

Tears stream down my face as my own husband said those words to me. Sure, I had been on this issue since the day I lost my son but it's only been three days. Isn't it a little bit too early for them to start telling me that I'm wallowing myself in misery for nothing?

My son was kidnapped not killed.

If they are so sure that he's dead, they should bring his body to me then I'd agree with them. But no, there's no body so how do they all expect me to accept something like that.

And my husband...this is so unlike him.

"You know if everyone will tell me accept that my son is dead, I won't expect you to be part of them because he's your son too. You of all people should understand how I'm feeling"

He shook his head and picked up his briefcase, "Look Kulsum, let's talk about this alter. I really don't have time for this drama of yours. Let's just talk when I'm back" and with that said, he walked out of our house leaving me alone.

I expected his family to visit and offer me their support since their son refused to do so, but, they didn't also. I mean I get that they don't live in Abuja too but how far is Kaduna to Abuja? At least, a phone call will suffice.

And what did I get after that? A divorce. That was what I got a week after.

"Look Kulsum, I'm not here to cause trouble. I just want to check up on you"

I rolled my eyes again as I felt a headache resurfacing, being around this guy is giving me a headache I can't deal with, "And as you can see, I'm better than you thought I'd be. Now get out"

He looked like he wanted to say something, but after I threw him a glare, "Just leave"

I said and he sighed.

I watched through slightly narrowed eyes as Dr. Aasim walked out of the room.

Yes, Dr. Aasim Abdou Hussein is my ex-husband.

~*~

Two more chapters to go

Dr Aasim...who saw that coming? No one sha.

We'll soon say goodbye to Dear Kulsum so do get your tissue...

Alright. Laters.

Love, Jannah.