KULSUM'S POV.

I've never given much thought as to how I'd die. I had always assumed that whenever it comes, I'd be ready.

That was a lie. A huge lie.

I am not ready, especially not now. But what can I do when death is already knocking on my door and I'm too weak to even stand and open the door?

Surrender and await my faith. That's the only solution.

Which is what I'm doing right now.

I thought I had more days to live but apparently not. So, as the pain in my upper abdomen and back increased, I found myself clenching my teeth and eyes shut in agony. But, even with that, tears still managed to roll down my face and I couldn't even stop it. This is so unlike any other time before because now, I couldn't hold it in anymore no matter how much I try. I couldn't even muster the small amount of strength to shout for help.

I coughed, my lungs felt like it is being burned. Through my misty eyes I could see the droplets of blood staining my bedsheet from when I coughed. I had no energy in me to plead for help. So, I got ready to take my last breath.

So this is how my life will end. I never got to apologize to Zayn for being so distant towards him lately and I'll never get the chance to see my son ever again.

I distantly heard the door of my room being kicked open and people walked in, seemingly the doctors and nurses that worked here. They were saying something and some were shaking my sore body, their words sounded jumbled to my ears. I couldn't focus on what they were saying but one thing I know is that they are yelling.

At who and why? I don't know.

Black covered my vision and because I have no energy in me to fight it. I gave in. For what feels like the last time.

~*~

ABUJA, NIGERIA.

Every now and then I heard people talking in the background but it doesn't take long for me to lose the little bit of consciousness I regained.

I guess I'm not dead yet.

Should I be happy about that? I don't know honestly.

This time around, I could hear what's being said, just distantly. But, it is better than all those other times because at least now I can understand what's being said. Somehow.

"Doctor...doctor, what's wrong with my daughter? What's happening to her?" that is my mother's voice, it actually sounded strained as if she has been...crying? No, it must be my ears. My mother wouldn't cry, ever, especially not because of me.

Silence followed before a man spoke, his voice sounded familiar but I couldn't tell from where, "Well as you know, she was in such critical condition when they found her in the rehab. So we had to move her from Lagos to here. We'd done our tests, and the result is out" he kept quiet and I'm sure they are all quietly waiting for him to reply.

I know what he's going to say though. I didn't want them to find out but I can't stop it now. I can't even move a finger, what can I do?

I'm useless.

"It appears that Kulsum has what we call Pancreatic adenocarcinoma. It's a type of pancreatic cancer which develops in the exocrine cells of the pancreas and based on the test, she's in the last stage"

I don't know if it's my ear again but I think I heard mom gasp, I can't be sure though. A muffled sound followed afterwards and from my past experience, I'd say someone is crying. But the question is who is crying? It can't be my mother? My ears must be playing tricks on me or something.

"Can it be cured?" That is my father's voice. I'd recognize his voice anywhere.

I heard the doctor sigh faintly, it is so low I almost missed it, "Last stage meant it has spread to her liver. We can start treatments right away to help slow the effects but it can't be cured. I'm sorry"

That is when I recognize the doctor's voice. I know him from when I used to work here.

Apparently, I'm in the hospital I used to work in before I was fired. Don't ask me why, you'll know soon.

"Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi rajiun"

They make it sound like I'm dead already when I'm not...yet. Even I didn't react this way when I found out that I am going to die so why are they acting this way? Shouldn't they be celebrating right now?

Yes. I still have issues with them. My last therapy session should be a prove of that.

"Start the treatment right away doctor. Do whatever it takes, I don't care how much the money will be. Just help my daughter please" I could tell from my father's tone that he is sad too, but that didn't surprise nearly as much as my mother sound at the moment. I can still hear sobbing distinctly so I assume she's the one crying.

You know what? If I can open my eyes I'm sure a tear will slip right out of it.

Why? Because my mother being like that actually makes me emotional. I guess it makes me realize that indeed, I am dying soon. Sooner than I ever thought. Might be today, tomorrow or the day afterwards.

I know, I must sound stupid to care about how my mother feels after everything she did but unless you're in my shoes, you can never understand. After all, the woman is still my mother who I love unconditionally.

I heard the door open or close? I couldn't tell which but what I can tell however is that someone else walked into the room. I didn't recognize his voice but what he said did spike my curiosity as to how my parents will respond.

"Sir. Something bad happened. We need you at the office now"

"Why? What happened?" my father sounded confused and if I dare say...exhausted? "They are my family. You can say anything in front of them" I guess the man must've hesitated because my mother and siblings are there.

"Sir...someone found out about your daughter"

"And?"

"It's been posted on social media. Your image is dropping especially with the elections coming up now. The people think you're a...liar because...well, you promise a better life for their children when your own daughter is a drug addict"

"Dad...this is bad for you. You have to do something about it really quickly" that is the first time I heard Sabrina's voice and unlike my parents, she didn't sound sad whatsoever.

What more should I expect from her?

"The only way to fix this is by releasing a press statement claiming that the accusation is a lie. If needed, cut all ties from Kulsum now else she'll drag you with her" the man from earlier suggested and I actually didn't blame him.

I've seen this coming for a long time. I know what my parents answer will be.

And I have prepared for it already.

"No. Let it be. I can't hurt my daughter more than I already did"

Well I was not prepared for that. Did dad just do what I think he did?

"What?!" who else will exclaim like that other than my dear sister Sabrina, "Dad the girl is dying already. You can't just give up everything you've worked hard for just for her?" she half yelled as if she couldn't actually believe that happened.

"Enough Sabrina" my mother snapped, "We won't do anything about it and that is final. We will stay quiet and tend to your sister. Like you said, she's dying. We've already hurt her all her life; do you seriously want us to let her die like that? I may not have been the perfect mother but I certainly will not watch my daughter die like that"

I heard Sabrina scoff, "You see mom. There it is! It's always Kulsum! Kulsum this...Kulsum that" her voice breaks. "You know what? I really hope she dies soon. I hope she doesn't wake up--"

The sound of slap echoed in the room and I have doubt that it's mom that slapped her. To say I'm shocked will be an understatement. She has never raised her hands on me or any of my siblings, and definitely not Sabrina. "That is enough Sabrina Abdullah Danbatta!" I was right, it is mom. "How can you be so heartless? I know I'm not any better but you...you've crossed the line!"

I couldn't see what happened but when I heard the sound of the door being banged shut, I have a feeling that Sabrina stormed out.

All the arguments and whatnot made my head hurt. Eventually, I lost consciousness again.

The next time I regained my consciousness, much to my surprise I could actually open my eyes. I blinked again to get used to the room's brightness before my gaze moved around the empty room.

"I see you're awake"

I guess the room is not empty after all.

I moved my head and imagine my surprise when I saw who the person is. It is none other than the same doctor I had been fighting with in the hospital I was getting therapy before I was taken to the rehab. In other words, it's the doctor whose car I destroyed.

She beside me with her hands tucked in the pocket of her overcoat. I couldn't tell what she's thinking of because her face is blank as a canvas.

"What are you doing here?" My voice came out hoarse from the lack of use for Allah knows how long.

"You do know I'm a doctor right" she stated because we both know that isn't a question.

"I also know you don't work here anymore" I replied as I rolled my eyes and looked away from her. I couldn't bear to look at her face. I've been through so much; her face is the last thing I want to see.

She ignored my remark, "Heard you have cancer, last stage" I didn't reply. So, she continued, "So, you're dying soon"

My lips stretched into a bitter smile as I turned my head to look at her, "I died years back when I lost everything thanks to someone"

"Look Kulsum I..."

"Save your apology. I don't want to hear it" I turned my head to the other side, "Leave please"

She sighed and I could picture her massaging her temples, "I'll come back later"

"Don't"

I watched as she walked out of the room without even turning to look at me again. Once she is out, I released a sigh I didn't know I was holding in.

I fixed my doctor's coat as I walked out of my office. I have night shift and to say I'm exhausted will be an understatement. It has only been a few weeks since I lost my son and to distract myself, I came back to work. But, work is stressing me more so I sought out another solution.

Drugs.

I hate to admit it but I have now become dependent on drugs.

That's exactly why I stopped by my office before I continue my shift. I had to take a few drugs to keep me going and that's exactly what I did. I had to do it in my office though, I don't even want to think about what will happen to me if I'm caught taking drugs.

I continued my shift as if nothing happened and slowly, I felt the drugs working their charms.

I made a mistake that id didn't think much about at the moment. I left the drugs in my bag that's on my table.

It was a little past twelve when I decided to return to my office and take more drugs. But, much to my surprise, when I was close enough, I noticed that the door is wide open.

I quickly sped up and all but ran to the office. When I stepped in, I froze in my tracks.

Two professors and another doctor that's a senior of mine had the drugs in their hands with my bag wide open. My eyes widened just as they looked up and their gazes fell on me. I could only see one thing on their face, disappointment.

"Doctor Kulsum, why do you have these in your possession?" asked one of the professor.

"I...I...I" I stammered. I could've easily defended myself and say that I take the drugs because I'm sick but these are not the type of drugs I can lie about.

It's cocaine. Another I got from Salma who has been my supplier now.

"Doctor Salma was right after all" Said the other professor making my brows furrow.

"Salma?"

Just then, I noticed that she too is in the room. I guess I was so caught up by guilt that I didn't notice her presence.

She had tears streaming down her face as she walked towards me and held my hands in hers, "I'm sorry Kulsum. I had to do this for your sake. I've talked to you times without number to stop taking these drugs but you refuse to listen"

"Excuse you" I snatched my hand out of hers. This only made her sob harder.

The conniving little...

"I had to tell them. I know only they can stop you" she sobbed harder. To add to her little drama, she attempted to hold my hand again and I was in so much shock, I couldn't even react again.

Did my best friend for years who introduced me to drugs just betray me? She's pinning everything on me!

"Don't even try to deny it Doctor Kulsum. We have footage of you taking these which Doctor Salma gave us" said the first professor that spoke. He shook his head in disappointment, "You are definitely losing your license for this. You have to answer to the authority too on how you got these illegal drugs in your possession. I don't need to tell you this you should already know that as of today, you have lost you job as a doctor"

I honestly couldn't react or anything. To say I was shocked will be an understatement.

I just got fired. I lost my license—something that I studied for seven good years to get. All the sleepless nights and the phobia I had to get over just to get it...all down the drain now. And I have to answer to the authority all for what?!

Salma...my best friend since childhood caused this...she betrayed me.

I've been through so much in the past two weeks but this...this is what killed me internally.

You're probably wondering why I'm reminiscing this all of the sudden right?

Well, because one, I'm dying.

And two, the woman that just walked out is the cause of this.

Yes, that doctor I have been fighting with from the beginning is none other than my old best friend Salma.

~*~

I have nothing to say....

So, someone guessed that the girl is Salma and yeah...she is.

Like I said before, I have nothing to say.

I honestly feel like updating all the book today sha.

Bye.

Love, Jannah.