KULSUM'S POV.

I could hear people gasp in surprise. I don't know why they're surprised though; they should know what I'm capable of by now.

I watched her body fall on the ground with a thud. She lets out a loud shriek and clutched the side of her light skinned face that's turning red now with my fingerprints slowly making out it's print on her face. I didn't feel an ounce of remorse though, she deserved it.

As she whipped her face to look at me while a guy I recognize as her brother rushed to help her up. As he helped her back on her feet he turned and look at me. I don't know what I was expecting from him, probably anger too but what he showed wasn't what I expected.

Pity. Not for her but for me.

I don't understand how he can pity me, who slapped his sister? I know that much. I don't care as if I am the one hurt and not her. I didn't let my confusion show on my face though. I learnt long ago not to let people see my emotion. They can use it against me any time. Someone had done it before so I don't think there's anyone who cannot since that person did.

But I hated the look he gave me. I despise the look of pity.

He knew. He knew everything.

"You! What the hell?!" The girl yelled moving in front of her cousin to throw herself at me, maybe to slap me back but he held her back which only resulted to her trashing in his arms.

I said nothing as I glared at her silently daring her to say another thing that'll irk me. This time I won't stop from just slapping her. She'll get more than that. She should know I'm just holding myself back.

"This is an assault! I can sue you for this, I will!" she yelled trying to get herself out of the guy's hold.

"Enough. Let's go" he said dragging her away from me but she didn't leave without yelling,

"I'LL GET BACK AT YOU. I PROMISE YOU I WILL!"

I released a sigh I didn't know I held in when she left. Not paying attention to the people that stood watching me while muttering stuff amongst themselves I fixed the hood to cover up my face again and walked to the lobby with my hands tucked in the pockets of the hoodie. I could feel their stares bore into my back but I didn't turn nor pay any attention to them. Fuck them all. They can talk all they want I don't care.

Plopping myself on one of the numerous chairs in the lobby I turned and stare at the street. I made sure to pick the chair by the window because somehow staring through the window at people helps calm me down, I find peace through it. And peace was not something I had often. Resting my face on my palms I blinked. Most of the people outside had smiles on their faces as they interacted with their friends and whatnot. They looked happy.

And yet the doctors amongst them will come and say they 'understand' how people like I feel. That's a big fat lie. They have no idea what we feel and I know that because I was once in that position. They will never understand because they have life so easily. Yes, everyone had demons their facing without our knowledge but it's not the same for everyone. For people like me, there's really no hope. I just wished my parents will understand that so that they'll stop disturbing me to see doctors up and down.

Therapy never worked for me. I've seen doctors both abroad and in Nigeria. None of them have succeeded and the circle continues.

I don't know why but I've tried; I really did try to become sober but I soon realized I can't be helped. I'm just a lonely person that now welcomed the loneliness with open hands and embraced it knowing I can't escape it.

The thirty minutes passed in a blur with me lost in my thoughts as usual and soon enough I had one of the nurses directing me to this new doctor's office. She opened the door to his office revealing a big office painted in mocha brown color; with the furniture painted black, which was completely different from all the other doctor's offices I'm accustomed to which were painted in blinding white colors. I wondered why I ever thought the color soothing. Only being in situation did I realize that it was not. It was far from that.

The office of this doctor had the curtains draped open revealing the side of the wall covered with glass which allows a person to see outside. Another side of the office is a book shelf that was two times taller than me. So many books were neatly lined up in it ranging from medical books to other books that have no relation tothe medicine field. And beside it is a bean bag with a book laid on it.

Two black couches were fixated amidst of the office. Then there's his table and a chair in front it was the only thing in the office and nothing more which was a contrast to most of the doctors' office that I know.

"You can wait in here for Dr. Hussein. He'll be here shortly he just got caught up with something" The nurse said not bothering to offer me the tight lipped smile that other gave me out of courtesy. I rather not deal with fake smiles either way so in a way I was grateful to her.

She walked out without another word locking the door on her way out. That was also the drill, I wasn't allowed out of the doctor's office knowing that I'll just escape. The first time I was treated in such way I threw a fit. The harm I did to the doctor was something I rather not talk about. The next few timesit happened I broke the locks and escaped. Eventually, escaping bore me as the more I escape the more my parents set me up for these stupid therapy sessions.

I walked towards the book shelf and stared at it. Almost hesitantly I raised my hands up and ran the tips of my finger against the books. As I moved to the other side of the shelf my fingertips also ran over the numerous books, most of which I've read before. See, once upon a time I was a bookworm but not anymore. Right now, I've lost interest in everything.

My eyes and fingers lingered on a particular book that was once my favorite. I've loved the book so much before that I'd read it times without number. I know most of the book's lines, most of which are my favorite. The love I had for books back then was beyond words. I loved how I could live a thousand lives and fall in love just as much. Living so many lives and facing so many challenges that helps you become a better person was something I lived for back then.

I'd read so many novels on people that faced great challenges in their lives and each time I believed that what they were going through was easy to go over had only they stopped wallowing in misery and accepted help.

Had only I known back then that things were harder than it looked.

I only realized that now considering I'm living the life.

"The fault in our stars"

I whipped my head to look at the owner of the voice. Any other person in my position would've jumped in surprise but I didn't though internally I was scared, I just didn't let it show.

Emotions are weakness people use against me.

I stared at the man that stood a few feet away from me with a small smile on his face. He was tall, but just a few feet taller than me considering I'm not short person too. His skin was tan which was definitely due to his Nigerian background, probably Hausa and his hair was neatly trimmed which surprisingly though looked curly which didn't exactly go with his skin color. His nose wasn't exactly the slenderest, no, but it was pretty slender. His eyes were covered with round glasses that gave him the nerd look.

I guess the passive look on my face must've given him the impression that I'm confused which was partially true but that was only because I'd forgotten what I was doing prior to his arrival. But, confused was far from what I really felt. And when I say far, I mean really far. That happens more times than I can keep track of. The difference is that this time, the reason to go that was apparent.

"The book..." he pointed making me flick my gaze back to where my fingers still lay on the book.

I pulled my hand back and tucked it in the pocket of my hoodie, I feel safer that way for some reason. Turning back to look at me I was taken off guard when he walked towards me and stood beside for a few second making me suck in a breath as my body stiffens. I don't really like people in my personal space and he was closer than I'd allow anyone to be. Even my family members know to keep their distance away from me.

Pulling out the book out of the bookshelf, hewalked back to where he stood earlier, all the while keeping his gaze on the book while I kept mine on him, "It's a nice book for a book with one of the main characters dying at the end, but that's what made it great. I guess from the beginning we all thought that she will be the one to die and then..." he snapped his fingers raising his head up to look at me, "Augustus died instead"

I didn't say anything to him, I knew the story and I'm pretty sure he has an inkling of that too. He's trying to initiate a conversation with me. My face remained passive and my lips still set into a tight line. I'm not someone you can get to talk easily.

He noticed that but didn't comment on it. Instead he walked towards the couches and plopped himself on one. Gesturing with his head, he offered me to sit on the one opposite him and I did just that. With slow steps I walked towards the couches and sat on the one opposite him. Keeping my eyes on him, I waited for him to speak.

But he didn't speak, instead he just smiled in a way that I found creepy. It wasn't a wide smile but rather a small one. He was watching me carefully as if I am a puzzle he's trying to figure out how to solve. He didn't look away even when I glared at him. It was out of instincts because his gaze didn't look freaky in any way. "The end of the story made a lot of people cry while some hated the book because of it. But let's be honest here, the book is great because it isn't cliché. It was nice to get a touch of reality. You know, reminding people that not all stories end with happily ever after and that death is real. You'll eventually have to say goodbye to the person you love at a point in your life" he continued leaning forwards and placing his hands on his thighs.

He waited again for me to say something but I didn't. If it was before, I'd engage in a long conversation with him on the book but now I just can't. Books are the last thing in my mind and he won't make me talk about what I don't want to.

He nodded after a while as if confirming something.

As a doctor I know that he's about to start rambling about nonsense on how he understands how I feel and how I need to open up to him. But why will I open up to him? For one he's a complete stranger and two, he can't help me for he'll never understand what I'm feeling.

He stood up, "I'm hungry" he said stretching his hands forth before pulling them back, "Do you want to have breakfast with me?"

Isn't he the doctor? Because I know that isn't what he's supposed to do at the moment.

For a split moment I think he saw the surprise in my eyes which I quickly wiped away when I saw the corners of his lips tilted up slightly.

"Let's go" he didn't wait for me as he started walking towards the door only stopping when he reached there. He turned and saw that I was not following him, "You coming or not?"

Is he actually letting me go out? That's a first.

None of the doctors let me out until I'm done with the session, that was the rule.

But he's letting me out...freedom. Sweet sweet freedom.

I stood up, careful not to let him see my relief and followed after him as he walked ahead when he saw that I stood up.

"By the way, I'm Dr. Aasim Abdou Hussein" he said, not looking back.

~*~

I can't seem to hold myself back whenever I have chapters on ground, I just feel like updating!

Anyways, I feel like I should say that no one should fall for Dr. Aasim but it doesn't look like anyone will listen to me sha.

Jumuat Mubarak. Happy new year!

Love, Jannah.