KULSUM'S POV.

"You said you always wanted to see me happy right?" I asked the woman that gave birth to me. "Have you ever cared about anything that will make me happy?" I asked her and almost immediately she answered.

"Of course I did" she replied, "Everything I did before was for you"

I looked away and scoffed. I looked down brushing my fingers over my knuckles whilst shaking my head before I looked at her, "How can you even say that?" I asked calmly though internally I'm anything but calm.

I'm fuming.

"Because it's true"

"Then can you tell me one time you ever did anything that I actually cared about and not something you want me to do?" I asked trying my possible best not to let my voice raise. She and I both know the answer to that so I wonder why she's trying to pretend it's otherwise.

Her mouth moved like she is going to say something but then she shut it. She couldn't think of just one time...one time! That she was actually a mother to me and did what I wanted not what she wanted. She couldn't think of one time she put my mental health first before her reputation.

But I...I can remember times without number when she puts herself first and didn't care about my mental health.

"Well my daughter can cook all sorts of dishes that children her age can't cook nowadays" I heard my mother said to her friends just as I was making my way back up to my room after she had me greet them. That wasn't wrong.

What was wrong however was being the fact that the nine-year-old me lost my maternal grandmother that I was closest to just two hours ago. I had been closer to her than anyone on my life, I was basically grandma's pet if you'd call me that. I locked myself in my room and cried my heart out while my mother, who lost her own mother didn't even bother to attend her funeral.

Her excuse is that she has a meeting with 'Important people'. Those important people just happened to be wives of some senators my father work with and one woman that was supposedly the wife of a governor. Imagine, meeting these women and talking about life and whatnot is more important to her than going to her own mother's funeral.

Just how heartless can she be?

Even when my grandma was alive, she had been terminally sick for two years. And I could swear I can count how many times she visited her in those years, with the fingers of one of my hands when we actually all live in the city. The drive from my parent's house to my grandma's is just about half an hour but no, she couldn't visit her.

You're probably thinking of excuses that will justify her actions right? Well, don't. I know my mother; all her excuses revolve around going out with these women of 'high class' in the society. All for the sake of my father and her reputation.

This only made me cry more as I leaned on the door of my room with my legs pulled up to my chest. I don't know what to say about my mother honestly, she'd always been like this I guess I should say I was used to that but this is just too much, even for her.

I didn't know how long I sat there crying but it seemed like a few minutes until a knock came on the door of my room when the person twisted the knob and found it locked. I tried to keep my sobs down and pretend like I was sleeping but of course, she knew otherwise.

"Kulsum dress up and come down in five minutes, we're going to Senator Garba's daughter's wedding" she said as if it's the most important event of the year.

Just imagine. Her mother died three hours ago yet she didn't care but now that it's a wedding, she's all excited for it.

I didn't know what got into me but at the moment all I knew was that I hated this woman immensely with everything I got. I stood up angrily and unlocked door and there stood my very own mother all dressed up chicly.

When she saw my red face and eyes, she scrunches her face up, "Apply some foundation and powder to cover that up. I can't have you looking like this there"

"Mom I don't want to go" I said lowly. My head was pounding really bad and I was having a hard time standing upright. The immense anger I felt wasn't helping either.

She stopped talking and narrowed her eyes at me, "What did you just say?"

"My head hurts" I muttered suddenly scared of her reaction. I don't know why but whenever I wanted to say something that bothers me to her I always feel this some kind of fear overcome me and so, I end up either giving up or mumbling.

I know she heard me, but she chooses to ignore me. "Get dressed up and be down in five minutes" and with that, I watched her walk away.

It had been like that up until the time she believed 'I need help' which by the way was the day I first came back home drunk. So basically, in my whole life I've never really felt the 'love' everyone gets from his or her mother.

Trust me, I know what parenting feels like and I'm sure it's not what I got from my parents.

"Can you look at me in the eyes now and tell me that you've always cared about me?" I asked her as I maintained eye contact with her to show her that I am not going to waver.

From the corner of my eyes, I saw Zayn looked away. She treated him just as she treated me and like I said before, that was why I had to be there for my little brother because no one was willing to do so.

"I'm waiting..." I said to her wanting to hear what her reply will be.

She looked away because she knows that nothing will justify her action, "Everything I did was to provide a better life for you and your siblings"

"By ignoring us?" I don't know if I turned to the therapist now considering I'm the one asking the questions while Dr. Firdaus just kept shut and watched us. She knew better than to interfere family issues.

She turned her head swiftly and her cold gaze settled on me, "Why are you making such a big deal out of this?"

I resisted the urge to scoff. How could she think so lightly of this? "Because I am suffering the consequence of your actions which you think is right"

I could tell she wanted me to elaborate and say more but this is not the time. I still had my father to address. None of them is getting off the hook today.

I looked at him only to find his gaze already on me. He spoke before I can, "Go ahead. Say what you want to say" he said nonchalantly.

"You said all you wanted was to be there for me" I wasn't going to beat around the bush when I didn't do the same to the others, "When have you ever been there for me?"

He placed his hands on his thighs and intertwined his fingers, "You know I'm a busy person"

"That does not mean you get to miss out on everything in my life" my voice cracked at the end but I gulped and blinked furiously. This is not the time to cry. "Tell me one important thing of mine you didn't miss"

"Oh look...my family is here!" Salma exclaimed as pointed at where her family were amongst the crowd.

"That's great" I forced a smile on my face as I looked around trying to spot my family but I saw none of them.

"Kulsum, Salma...come on. It's time" One of our classmates said as she dragged us by our arms to where the rest of our classmates are.

From then on, everything passed in a blur. I am not going to lie and say that I enjoyed my graduation as much as I actually thought I would. However, I put on a fake smile and managed to go through most of it until I was called to give the valedictorian speech.

I suck it all up and stood tall and proud though I was anything but. That was when I spotted my family. Mom, Sabrina and Zayn were there. Mom was talking to one of her friends from the 'important women in the society' while Sabrina was chatting away on her phone, as always. The only one that was paying any heed was Zayn who gave me a thumbs up and a cheeky smile, that made me smile. Even though the other two weren't paying attention their presence at least was more than I could ever ask for.

However, my father wasn't there. He didn't grace me with his important presence which I hoped he will. Why am I not surprised? When I asked him if he could come his answer was "I have work that day but I'll send the driver if I can't make it. He will be there"

So yeah...that was what I am worth in his eyes. Sending his driver to an event he was supposed to be there for his daughter but no, work is more important than me.

And just like that day, he missed out on everything I wanted my father to be there for me, for me to make him proud but as always, I never got that chance.

"What do you want me to do Kulsum? You want me to not work? If I don't work you won't be enjoying all these luxuries you enjoy" My father said trying to justify his actions and this time, I didn't try to hold back the scoff.

I did scoff and shake my head. "I never asked for that. Money is not everything dad"

He shook his head, "Not in this world Kulsum. You are old enough to know that"

I looked down and ran my fingers through my hair as I pushed back the hoodie and the beanie. My head hurts from all these reminiscing, "I am old enough to know that if being rich means living the way I do then I don't want it" I said, my voice coming out low. I'm tired of trying to make my point when they don't even try to understand what I'm feeling.

My father being a politician means he's rich, a little too rich if I may say so myself. I live in a place where people call a 'mansion' but honestly, it feels anything but. You'd think we're the happiest in the world but take it from me, money isn't everything. I will gladly give that all up just to have a simple happy life. Because in the kind of life I'm living, no matter how happy I pretend to be, deep down I'm more like a homeless person mentally.

Just then, the door swung open and Sabrina walked in looking less irked than earlier. She walked gracefully to where she was sitting earlier and sat down crossing her leg over the other. She looked at me whilst placing her clutch aside, "Are you done antagonizing us Kulsum?" she asked. She didn't let me answer before she added, "Because you make it sound like it's our fault you ended up being an addict"

Normally, she addressing me as that will hurt though I know it's true but still. This time I didn't let it get to me.

I pulled my hoodie back to cover my head and leaned back on the chair I'm sitting on, "Because my dear sister, it is your fault I'm like this"

~*~

Okay...

The secrets are just coming out oooo!

Another one's coming in the next chapter so get ready...

Love, Jannah.