KULSUM'S POV.

When I said I want to forget everything from my past, I meant every word of that.

Simply because I have my own reasons. One is that I want to save myself the problems that will associated with it and the questions that will come along. I mean how will I reply to being a doctor and a drug addict.

Pardon me.

Let me rephrase that.

How will I reply to how a doctor became a drug addict? How I ended up like this?

Those might sound like easy questions to you but to me it sounded far from that. It's anything but that. If you think otherwise, then try stepping into my shoes.

"How do you..." I trailed off I stared at the lady in front of me.

The corners of her lip was tilted up slightly, but she made no move to widen them. It looked more like a half, almost not visible smile.

"How I do know your identity?" She asked seeing as I won't be completing the statement.

I nodded as I watched her warily. It's not something out of the ordinary to just suddenly meet someone that knows who I was. Especially not in a rehabilitation center. All sorts of scenarios played in my head at the thought of the possible explanation for this, but I couldn't find any that will be suitable for the situation.

Her head tilted to the side slightly, "That's a story for another day"

I opened my mouth to say something but before I could voice it out she had already turned and started walking away.

I didn't try to stop her nor called out for her even though I knew I can, I had no assurance that she'd even answer. So, with an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach I turned around and walked into the office of my therapist.

Don't get me wrong, I am worried after realizing that someone here knows my identity. Who knows how many more knows?

But, I've learnt to not let my emotions show a long time ago, that's why I'm handling this better than I normally would.

The first thing my eyes landed on was the wall clock. It was out of instinct considering my past history with time and whatnot. But, that's all the past now. Hopefully.

I should've not said that. But I did not knowing what was about to come.

I was late, about seven minutes late but I doubt the lady would say anything about it considering as she was seated on the only chaise lounge in the office with a book in her hand, her glasses situated on her slender nose just below her eyes slightly. She had her legs crossed, one over the other as she held a mug in her hand.

"You're here" she said not looking up. She raised the mug to her lips and then took a sip of it before placing it back on the saucer.

I stood just a few feet away from the door after I closed it. I would normally just walk in and sit down but today I wasn't exactly feeling just like every other day after Laura's confession. I don't know why but it makes me feel somehow. It doesn't sit well with me.

This made her raise her head up and rest her gaze on me, "What's wrong Kulsum?" She asked.

Instead of replying, I made my way to the couch opposite her and sat on it. The hood of my hoodie fell back a bit and this made me pull out my hand from the pocket and pull the hoodie back to where it was before. It was purely out of instinct. "Nothing" I replied, my voice low.

She then sets the book aside and fully turned to look at me, "Okay then if you say so" I could tell she didn't believe me. It was obvious based on the way she watched me up close.

I know that much because I was a doctor after all.

"Should we start then? Will you answer the questions I have today?" She asked as she took off the glasses she had on and placed them aside.

I nodded. I said I wanted to get better and I meant it. Though in the past few days I haven't made any progress, today I wanted to make a difference no matter how small.

"On the scale of 1 to 10, how do you feel?" She asked.

I didn't want to lie to her, so I told her the truth, "Zero" I replied. Yes, things were that bad.

She didn't look surprised by my answer as she nodded slightly and wrote it down on the notepad she had in her possession, she then looked up and when she spoke this time, her tone sounded softer than earlier knowing this is a sore topic for me to discuss, "How do you feel about being away from drugs for this long? I know you've never been away from it like this"

My eyes closed momentarily as I let her words sink in. "Terrible" I answered curtly, my eye lids dropping as I replied her. I don't know why but I've been feeling really tired these days.

Or I do know why. I just am not ready to accept it yet.

Things are really messed up right now.

She nodded. She looked at the next thing written on her notepad and her lips parted as she was about to utter it but something made her stop. She shook her head and placed the notepad aside before clamping her hands together. I watched her up close as her shoulders rose and then rested back to its original position as she inhaled deeply. She looked almost hesitant to ask me the next question but somehow it looked like it was really important. Her lips parted and she voiced out the question that had seemed to be bugging her, "Kulsum, can you tell me how you got into being involved with drugs?" she asked, almost hesitant. I could tell from her tone. I understood why she was hesitant to ask it though.

I wish she didn't ask that question, that is one of the memories I didn't want to remember.

But it was like her words flipped something in me, it made me remember that day it happened vividly though a lot had happened before that.

I turned away from facing the door of my room and used my duvet to cover up my body shielding it away from whoever was knocking. I didn't want to talk to anyone right now, not after everything that happened. Not after everything they did. I'm surprised someone is even here to check up on me.

I heard footsteps approaching my bed, and because I couldn't hold it back in, I sniffed back my tears.

"Get up Kulsum I know you're awake" I heard Salma's voice. She was the one that walked in. No wonder. Who did I think it was? Who would even bother?

"Just go away" my voice was barely above a whisper, and I wondered if she heard me. I highly doubt it.

I heard her sigh before she sat on the end, beside me. "Crying in your bed won't help you know" she said again, and just like the first time, I didn't say anything to her.

When she realized that I wasn't going to say anything, she used her hand to peel the duvet away from my face and because I had no strength in me to argue, I let her. However, that didn't stop me from sobbing. I didn't even bother to look at her as I could barely peel my swollen eyes open. And also because I didn't want to. I just want to be alone right now.

"Kulsum...please stop crying" She placed her hand on my shoulder but I pushed it away. I tried to pull back my duvet to close my face again but she held it out of my reach.

Realizing that I had no intention of turning to look at her, she stood up from where she stood and walked to the other side of the bed where I'm facing and sat down. I don't even have the energy in me to try and look away from her, and that worked in her advantage.

"You need to get back on your feet. Crying won't help you. You know that too right?" She said, her voice low and in what is supposed to be a soothing tone.

That only made my cry more. That tone of pity only reminded me of everything that I loss.

She sighed again and looked away. She reached her hand out and massaged her temples. She looked like she was deciding on what to do and when she did, she looked at me again, "Get up, I think I know what will help you" she said as she stood up and helped me sit up on the bed.

I didn't want to sit up. All I wanted to do was stay in bed and cry my eyeballs out but that best friend of mine was having none of it. And like I said before, I didn't have the energy in me to argue so I let her.

I took out a couple of tissue papers from the tissue box beside me and wiped my red face with it before disposing the used tissue paper. I then looked at her, "What is it?" I asked, my voice coming out hoarse from all the crying I've been doing for the past few days.

She looked at me as if contemplating on what to do before shaking her head. She shoved her hand into her bag and pulled out something. She held my hand with her free hand and placed what she brought out on it.

My swollen eyes widened.

"What...how...where did you get this?" I asked examining the white thing she handed me in a small plastic bag. I brought the leather to my nose and sniffed it to confirm if it's what I'm assuming. And sure enough, it was what I was thinking.

"It doesn't matter" she said making me scoff lightly.

I'm sure my eyes were as wide as saucers, "What do you mean it doesn't matter?" I whisper yelled, "You have cocaine in your possession Salma! Cocaine! Ya salam are you forgetting that this is illegal?!" I couldn't stop myself from raising my voice this time around. And it was the reason why she had to place her hand over my mouth to cover it.

"Do you want the whole world to hear it or what?" She rebuked as her eyes darted to the door just to make sure that no one heard and is eavesdropping on our conversation. When she was sure that no one's listening, she removed her hands away just in time I slapped them off. "Why are you making such a big deal out of this? I brought it for you to help" she said nonchalantly as if this is nothing serious.

This girl is seriously mad.

How can she speak so casually about something like this? It's cocaine we're speaking of here!

"How can you say that? What will I do with cocaine? Hell you're not even supposed to have it in your possession" I reprimanded with my eyes narrowed at her but she just rolled her doe eyes at me. This made me scoff and throw her cocaine at her

"See, this is my problem with you" she hissed lightly as she picked it up, "This won't harm you. I use it too at times--"

"You what?!" I cut her off bewildered, "You do know that you may lose your medical license for this right? How can you, as a doctor be taking hard drugs?"

The irony considering how my life turned out to be.

She sighed for the umpteenth time since she came, "How will I lose my license when nobody knows about it? You're the only person that I'm telling this too. No one knows but you. Besides, I don't use an amount that will harm me, I just use small every now and then" she stated as if that is good enough reason to justify her actions.

I clenched my eyes shut as I inhaled deeply feeling my headache resurfacing, "Salma" I stated in a calmer tone now with my eyes still closed, "You have absolutely no reason to be taking these" I opened my eyes and pointed at the drug she had in her hand.

If she takes cocaine, who knows how many she has taken before?

This made her narrow her eyes at me as a look of fury took over her features, "How dare you say that? You of all people should know that my life isn't exactly all rainbows and cotton candies! Are you forgetting how hard it was for me to deal with what happened with my parents?" she half yelled as her eyes well up with tears.

That made me shut up really quick. She was right. I know how miserable she was when she had to deal with what's going on with her parents.

She had a rough life, especially when her mother was diagnosed with cancer last stage. And in the same year her father was diagnosed with cancer too. They weren't exactly the richest so handling financial issues was one thing to deal with, the fear of losing parents was another thing. Her elder brother is a pathetic fool who let her to fend for money for their parent's medical expenses while he was off to Allah knows where. It didn't help that she was also in her last year in medical school—another financial issue she had to deal with.

That was a really rough stage in her life.

She was depressed both mentally and physically.

I had never seen her as down as she was back then.

But still, that shouldn't be a reason for her to go into drugs right? Who am I kidding? That was a lot to take in.

"I only brought you this because I thought I'd help you forget everything considering you need it right now" she placed it in front of me as she stood up. "Take it or leave it, your choice. But remember, I'm just trying to help. I'm trying to be a good friend" she wiped the tears that fell on her face probably reminiscing what happened before she walked out.

I stared at the leather in front of me curiously. It's a well-known fact that curiosity kills the cat. Well, it was what killed me. Except that though I'm dead, I'm still breathing. And without a second thought, I picked it up and opened it.

That was the first day I started taking drugs.

And quite unfortunately, it was my own best friend that introduced me to it. She contributed to who am I am today. But, that was not the only thing she contributed.

She is a major part of the story behind the current Ummu Kulsum Abdullahi Danbatta.

I didn't even realize that my eyes had welled up until when I blinked and felt a tear rolled down my cheek. I quickly looked down and wiped it away. The thing about betrayal is that you hardly get over it, especially if it's from someone you trust so deeply.

~*~

Thanks to everyone who comment, vote and  share dear kulsum with others. Thanks to y'all we're now at 2.26k reads in just 9 days! I have no words...

Another secret is out. Salma contributed to the story of Kulsum...Okay....

Bye.

Love, Jannah.