KULSUM'S POV.

I always thought I'm just a different person—when it comes to drugs, aggressiveness and all.

But now, I'm not sure anymore.

If anyone thought I'm bad before, then they really need to go to a rehab center and see the people there.

So far, I'd seen people that are ten times worse than I am. And believe me, I do have a pretty good reputation but these guys top the list.

And well...therapy isn't exactly helping in anyway.

Three days have passed by already. There has been zero accomplishment on my part which wasn't a surprise because there's no way they can 'help' me if I don't want it. They should've just given up by now but they won't. What they don't understand is that I have no reason to try and be sober. I mean I care about Zayn and all but...

After he conspired with them to send me here I'm starting to doubt if he really cares for me. How can he agree to their plan to send me to a place like this? I mean I know how they think of me so I'm not surprised but Zayn, really?

The only good thing about being in this rehab is that I don't get messages from him again.

"Hey...do you mind if I sit here?"

My snapped up as I snapped out of my reverie. My gaze fell on the other girl from our group therapy session, Hayra is it? The unfortunate eighteen-year-old that just happened to land in a terrible situation as this.

I'm so much older than her, that is for sure. And even in my messed up state, I don't support the idea of someone her age ending up like me. It's a terrible experience that I don't wish on anyone.

Instead of replying her, I shrugged. It was up to her really where's he wants to sit. Free world.

She fidgeted with the sleeves of her uniform as she sat on the chair opposite me. She looked at anywhere but me. Clearly, she's finding it unsettling to have me gaze at her like that. It's not my fault though, in this place, people hardly make friends or attempt to do so. Everyone is in his or her world that no one cares about the other. Well, except for those people that are actually trying to become sober and are on the path of it.

At least they have something to live for. I don't.

"I...Uhm...I'm dying" She lets out a small humorless chuckle and shrugs her shoulder slightly.

Wow. What a way to start a conversation.

Though she definitely has my attention now.

"We're all dying" I replied a low tone. I wasn't lying. We are all dying. I am too. It's just a matter of time before my cancer resurfaces and the chances of me surviving are slim. I don't even want to survive. If anything I'm actually happy that I'll soon be departing from this world.

She looked away slightly before looking back at me, her lips stretching into what seemed like a bitter smile, "I guess so" she spaces out.

A minute of silence followed afterwards as I waited for her to say something again. She didn't. So I did, "Why did you tell me that?" I was honestly taken aback by what she said. I've never exchanged a word with her so why will she just tell me something as grave as that out of the blue?

She shrugged again. This girl reminds me so much of myself, "You've been giving me the curious eyes since that day during the group rehab"

I blinked as I tucked my hands in my hoodie's pocket, "I didn't realize I was that obvious"

"Not exactly..." she trailed off, "I'm just good at realizing people's face. Besides, I also know that you're intrigued by me. Probably wondering that's my story for someone my age to be here"

I won't lie, I am intrigued by this girl but why is she being so nonchalant about it. I know I'd like keeping such information to myself and not share it with others.

I didn't think twice about asking her the question, "Why are you being so nonchalant about this?" I know I would flip before I talk to anyone about what I'm going through.

She stuck her bottom lip about slightly as she thought of what her answer will be, "I'm used to it I guess. I've been to so many rehabs before. This is my sixth rehab center and in each one, I got people asking me my story and all so..." she trailed off as she shrugged again leaving the rest for me to fill in.

"What is it?" I didn't need to say it directly. She knew what I am talking about—her sickness.

"Cirrhosis. It's li—"

"Liver Cancer. I know" I finished off her statement or more like cut in.

She stared at me with curious eyes which held a glint of suspiciousness in it, "How did you know?"

I leaned back on the chair I'm sitting on. I effortlessly bit back the smirk threatening to grace my lips, "I know a lot of things" I replied keeping my voice low. Not because I don't people to overhear it but because it's just what I want to.

She watched me closely for a while.

"What?" I asked in a tired tone as I closed my eyes.

"You're something else Kulsum. A whole puzzle that is complicated" she stated. I kept my lips sealed knowing that I don't have anything to say to her regarding that because she's right.

I am complicated. But I never chose this for myself.

"Why did you start taking alcohol then? Surely it wasn't recently" I stated opening my eyes idly. Cirrhosis is mostly caused my heavy alcoholism so obviously, that was what caused it for her.

But the question is why she started taking it in the beginning. That has to be another story entirely.

When I looked at her I realized that she now has the same looks he has that day when the instructor asked her the question similar to this.

Without another word, she just stared at me for a few seconds before she stood up and walked away.

Rude much? And people say I am rude. Clearly, they haven't met the secretive Hayra.

But there's just something about her. It reminds me so much of someone I once had come across in the past.

"She's in there. I thought maybe she'd listen to you" Salma said as she pushed open the door to the room. "She's a stubborn one though"

I looked at my best friend and offered her a small smile before I stepped into the room closing the door behind me. I looked around the plain room that had little to nothing fancy in it. Who am I kidding? This place had nothing of standard. And to be honest it reeks. I can't stay in a place like this, no one can.

The floor is littered with so many stuffs ranging from empty water bottles, paper wraps, and numerous...bottles of drugs and alcohol. A few pills littered the floor too covering the carpet that look an ugly shade of brown. Why do I have a feeling that the carpet isn't originally brown colored?

"Why are you here?" Someone's voice snapped me out of my trance.

I raised my head and my gaze immediately fell on a figure that sat on the floor in the corner of the room. If it wasn't for the rays of light coming in through some part of the window that's open, I probably wouldn't even notice her. Though I still; can't see her face properly, mostly because it's covered by the strands of hair and how dark the room is. "I came to talk to you" I replied as I slowly made my way towards her.

I heard her scoff, "Yeah? So did the other people that came here before you. Go away, I don't need your help"

"Yes you do" I replied plainly. I heard that this one is stubborn but I need to talk some sense into her.

"You don't even know me" she argued, her voice raising slightly but I could understand how agitated she is. Or at least then I thought I did.

I sighed as I stopped only a few feet away from, I didn't want to invade her personal space but even from here I still can't see her face. "I don't. But, I do know that there's a life you're about to end" I said hoping that my tone struck the nerve and it did.

I saw as she raised her hand and hid it between her folded legs that she brought to her chest, "How do you know about..."

"About your baby?" I finished her statement and although I can't see her face, I had a feeling her eyes widened at the statement.

"How-"

"That doesn't matter. What matters is the abortion you're about to attempt" I don't know why but I'd always hated the thought of that beyond words. How can one be so cruel to take an innocent child's life?

She looked away, "You have no right to stop me from making my own decisions"

I gulped and inhaled sharply before exhaling slowly, "I don't" I admitted. I wasn't going to pretend I do when I don't, "But I can at least try and talk you out of it. How old are you? Eighteen?"

She didn't say anything which only confirms my thoughts that I'm correct.

So, I continued.

"I heard your husband passed away a week ago"

She turned to look at me before she scoffed, "He didn't die. He killed himself"

"Why?"

She shrugged, "How am I supposed to know? He's more messed up than I am"

"So he's an addict too?" I asked and she nodded.

"Overdose" she added. I already know that but it helped getting her involved in a conversation. Her husband is an addict and so is she. However, he happens to be into it more than she is. He did overdose and killed himself.

"And what does this have to do with the baby you want to abort?" I didn't expect her to answer me. So when she did, I was taken off guard.

"I can't handle this okay? I'm already messed up do you think I can take care of a child this way? I can't!"

"That's why we're here to help you get better..."

"You can't! I don't want it"

I sighed and looked down as I tried to think of what to say to her that will change her mind, "Do you know how many women are wishing they could have a child?" I pinched the bridge of my nose as I watched closely, that seemed to gain her attention, "I can't and will not force you into anything. The decision is yours to make. The ball is in your court, play it well. But remember, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity that many are dying over"

I gave her one last look before I turned and walked away. Just as I took a hold of the handle, she spoke.

"You will never understand what I'm feeling"

I didn't reply as I opened the door and walked out.

If only I believed her back then. She's right and wrong in a way. I didn't understand her but I do now.

Funny how things work out. I never got to meet the lady again because she disappeared without a trace so I never got to know what her decision was. Not that I will judge her for it now. I understand what she felt at the moment and if I may be so selfish I'd say I'm going more than she ever did.

I sighed and closed my eyes as I relish the smell of lavender that's lurking in the air along with the air conditioned breeze. At least the rehab is top notch in its services which is the only thing I like in this place. After a while, I stood up and head back to my room.

I held the doorknob, turned it and pushed it open before stepping in. I closed the door shut behind me. I let out a small sigh as I walked towards my bed and sat on the edge of it.

My head turned to the side slightly as my brow quirked. Swiveling my head to the side, my gaze fell on the brown envelope that wasn't on my bed when I went out earlier.

I looked at the bedside cabinet where the clock rest to check the time. It read 9:17am which only tells me that it can't be him. His messages always come by 12. And besides, I haven't received any since I came here. There was no way he can contact me.

But that means this isn't from him. Or maybe it is?

I swallowed thickly and shifted those thoughts away. I reached my hand out and picked up the envelope. It had nothing written on it front and back.

I peeled the top open and slipped my fingers into it pulling out all of its content. A handwritten letter and something underneath it.

I rotated the piece of paper that held the letter so I can read what's written in the neat cursive font. It said;

Dear Kulsum,

You have a reason to live. Don't give up just yet. There are people depending on you.

And that was it. I blinked as my eyes moved away from the paper to stare at space. Surely, this letter can't be from him. He will never send me something like it. Everything he sends me is just so I can break.

I shook away the thoughts and slipped the paper underneath it keeping the letter aside.

The thing I saw made my eyes tear up unwillingly instantly. My hands flew to cover up my mouth as I let out a small whimper as the tears cascade down my face. With shaky hands I kept it aside and watched the other one that had me smiling throughout my tears for the first time in years. I couldn't even stop the loud sobs that wrecked through my body as I sniffed through my tears. I didn't even bother to wipe the tears away knowing it's pointless.

After all these years...

They were wrong.

I can't believe this!

This can't be.

~*~

Jumuat Mubarak!

This book makes me so emotional wallahi. While editing it yesterday I was just crying.

Love, Jannah.