UMMU KULSUM'S POV.

I rolled on my bed whilst clutching my abdomen. I bit my lip so hard I could taste the metallic taste of blood in my mouth. All of the sudden, the feeling of nostalgia hit me making me jump off my bed and run to the bathroom. There, I fell on my knees right in front of the wash hand basin and threw up. I coughed as I threw up more, my eyes closing as I did that. When I no longer felt like I am going to vomit again, I exhaled and opened my eyes only for it to fall on the now red stained wash hand basin.

I turned on the tap and watched as the water slowly washed away the blood. I took a handful of the water and washed my mouth with it. I watched with glossy eyes as the remnants of the blood washed away down the drain.

I fell on the floor with a thud. Resting my head on my knees I tried to calm down as the pain in my abdomen subsided slightly.

I waited for a while before I finally got back on my two feet and made my way out of the bathroom. Walking towards my bed, I picked up my phone and checked the time only to see it read 9:57pm.

I know it's late but I know I'd find a person there if I go. I need to find out why this is happening. I have a pretty good hunch that might just turn out to be true and in a way I hoped it is true. Then maybe, I can relieve myself of all this pain that never ends.

I stumbled out of my room and walked down the quiet steps. The house is eerily quiet which only proves that everyone has retired for the night. That gave me enough time to execute my plan.

It took me awhile before I found the driver who looked like he is getting ready to go home. He looked like he wanted to argue when I asked him to take me there but he kept shut knowing that I wouldn't head out this late without a genuine reason.

As I sit in the backseat of the car, I closed my eyes shut tight as I bit my bottom lip when a new wave of pain came crashing over me. I couldn't focus on the drive as the driver drove off to the hospital hastily probably wanting to get this over and done with so he can go home.

When I felt the car stop, I opened my closed eyes only to realize that we are at the hospital. Without another word, I stepped out of the car and fixed the hood of my hoodie to cover up my face though I'm sure no one will recognize me. It's been years since I stepped foot in the hospital. However, precaution wouldn't help anyone.

With my head downcast, I walked into the hospital; one hand over my abdomen while the other is in the pocket of the hoodie. I didn't stop by the receptionist as I made my way to the elevator. When I got in, there were about four people in there already, two of which I recognize. I quickly pulled my hood down to shield my face away from them.

I was the first person to jump off the elevator when it pinged and opened. I ignored the stares that I undoubtedly got from them and made my way to the office down the third floor. Once I stood in front of the door, I didn't bother to knock as I took a hold of the doorknob and twisted it open.

"I thought I told you-" she stopped midway when she turned to face me just in time I pushed the hood to unveil my face.

Her eyes widened as she slowly dropped the stethoscope that was in her hand on the table in front of her. With cautious steps towards me, she gave me a once over, "Kulsum..." she more like asked.

I tried to step forward when I staggered as the pain in my abdomen increased. She quickly made her way towards me and helped me to sit on one of the two chairs in front of her desk.

She looked at me in horror. I couldn't blame her though. I know without a doubt that I look like a zombie. Yes, I look that terrible. The bloodshot eyes and the dark bags under my eyes must've contributed to that fact a lot.

"Help me" I managed to croak out, my voice coming out hoarse. I immediately started coughing again. I used my hand to cover up my mouth.

She stepped forth to help me, her hand rubbing soothing circles on my back. When I raised my head up and moved my hand away from my bag, she stopped what is doing and held the hand in hers, "What..." she trailed off as she saw the droplets of blood on it. "What's happening to you?!" she asked.

I didn't have the energy in me to deal with her horrified state. I simply leaned back on the seat trying to even my breath, "I don't know" I replied. "That's why I'm here"

"When did this start?" she asked as she ran over to the coat hanger and pulled out her white coat before shrugging it on.

"Today" I lied. It didn't start today. However, she doesn't need to know that before you can tell what's wrong with me.

She hummed.

Fifteen minutes later of her poking me with syringes and whatnot, she looked up from the report in her hand and watched me, her eyes holding a look I couldn't decipher.

"What's it?" I asked as I stood upright on the chair I was leaning on. My lungs hurt from all the coughing and my throat feel parched.

She sighed and walked towards me. She sits on the chair in front of me and placed the report aside. "Well I still need to run some test on you to be sure. But based on what I've seen I might have a hunch on what's wrong with you"

"And that is..." I probed. I knew what she's going to say, I just needed her to confirm my thoughts.

She sighed again as she massaged her temples with her fingers, "Like I said, I still need to run more tests to confirm this. Whatever I say now is based on the knowledge I have"

"Just tell me"

She gulped as she watched me with sad eyes, "I'm sorry Kulsum but I think you have cancer"

That's what I thought. I blinked and inhaled slowly before exhaling, "What type?" that is what I don't know. I need to know from her.

"Liver or pancreatic?" she shrugged, "I can never be sure without further tests"

"Do you know how long I have?"

"Well...based on what I'm seeing and what you said, this might just be early symptoms of the final stage. I need to run some tests more to know. I suggest you come back tomorrow so I can know the type of medication you need to be on but..."

"Neither can be cured" I finished off the sentence she trailed off on. She nodded solemnly making me sigh.

"The shot I gave you earlier will help subside the pain for now. It will resurface in a few weeks or month though. By then it will be on full force" She explained though she knew I didn't need her to tell me. It's something I know well enough.

I nodded and stood up since my abdomen no longer hurts, "Thank you" She smiled, "I'll get going now it's getting late"

She nodded, "Take care. I'll see you tomorrow"

I didn't reply as I fixed the hood back on again to cover up my face. I walked towards the door and just as I turned the doorknob, she spoke up.

"I know you won't come back tomorrow so take care of yourself"

I didn't turn back as I stepped out and closed the door behind me.

She's right though. I'm never coming back here. Hopefully, ever. This place holds too many bad memories I don't plan on digging back up.

~*~

I stare at the girl in front of me as I stood in front of the vanity table. My face looked dull and my eyes that once had a glint in them held nothing. My lips are set into a permanent frown. I can't remember the last time that I smiled. Smiling just isn't something I remember how to do anymore, or maybe, it's more like there's nothing to smile about.

The hood of the black hoodie I had on rest on my back. The hoodie stopped just a few inches above my knee covering the matching raven black top I had on. Underneath the hoodie and covering my legs is my raven denim. And lastly a pair of black converse sneakers.

Pretty dull. I know.

But honestly speaking, what's the point of dressing up and looking pretty when there's nothing to be happy about?

I promised to forget about what happened last night-it'll be like it never happened. And that is exactly what I'm going to do until it resurfaces again.

With a sigh, I pull up the hood and covered my hair that I put into a messy low ponytail making sure to cover up my face as much as I can. I reached out my hand to pick up my phone when I noticed how pale it looked. The veins in my hand were starting to prominently show in a pale ugly black shade. The last doctor I visited said something about it being the effect of the last drug I had been taking-the amphetamine.

He was lying though.

I hadn't taken that in two years. I stopped taking it when I realized that it only added more to my problem rather than help me forget it. The only ones I take now are Benzodiazepine, Opiate and Cocaine, occasionally.

But the pathetic money leach that calls himself a doctor told my parents that it was the effect of the drug. And just like the gullible people they are, they believed him and paid him.

Shaking those thoughts away, I picked up my phone and slipped it into the hoodie's pocket realizing that I had plenty of time to think later.

I didn't bother to look at myself again in the mirror as I headed towards the door and headed out of my room.

The house wasn't exactly quiet but it also wasn't noisy too. With the maids moving up and down there was hardly any silence to begin with. But they knew the rules of the house so they avoid making too much noise.

I kept my gaze ahead as I walked down the steps ignoring the judging looks the maids threw at me discreetly thinking I don't ever notice. Or maybe they knew I could hear them, they just don't acre because apparently they are right. Regardless of what the case may be, I never paid them any attention so they get away with whatever it is they do-whether it's taking about me or throwing me the looks.

As I stepped foot out, I don't know what I expect to feel my heart tighten a bit-which by the way is something that hardly happens. I hardly feel any emotion other than fear, and that too it's only occasionally. Anyways, I guess I expected to see my family members ready to send me off each with their own well wishes. That was what they normally do every day I leave to meet a new doctor to help me as they call it.

No matter how many times I tell them I don't need help they just won't listen and get their hopes high that 'I will get better'. And yet each time I remain just I used to be without any change they get disappointed. This by the way explains why they aren't here today. They eventually stopped coming to send me off having always getting disappointed.

I blinked back the thought again. These days I usually get lost in my own thoughts that I eventually spend hours without knowing it. That's usually what I do to keep myself busy as nothing interests me anymore.

My family kept every drug out of my reach, I hardly doubt there's any in the whole house as I'd searched everywhere and still can't find it. So yeah, without the drugs I can't forget anything but rather I'm forced to live through it over and over again.

All alone. As always.

Though I still get small amounts of drugs every day. Not as much as I want but just enough to suffice me for the time being.

I realized that I had stood there for a few minutes just staring at the car parked a few feet away from me. Licking my chapped lips, I walked towards the car and got in the minute an escort opened the door for me. I got into the back seat and the man closed the door afterwards before getting in the passenger seat.

Resting my elbow on my lap, I rested my face on my palm staring outside. A few seconds passed and the car made no sign of moving any time soon. This made me raise my head up and look at the driver only for my eyes to meet his through the rear view mirror. Apparently, the man had been staring at me since that he forgot to drive.

Some people are just too nosy for their own good.

When our eyes met, he quickly averted his gaze and revved the car to life. I stared at the rearview mirror for a minute and I caught the driver's gaze two times he tried to look at me again just in case I had turned only for him to find out that I didn't. After caught three times, he gave up on looking at me and drove out of the mansion that my father owned which was heavily guarded as if it's a prison.

And in a way, it is a prison for me.

The guards weren't as much as this before. But after I escaped the house one too many times, my father tightened the security.

As the car moved smoothly on road, I let my thoughts wander to the appointment I have. What type of doctor will I meet today? Is he a real doctor or one of the many that I met who are only interested in taking my parents money? Believe me I have met so many doctors in the past few years in my life that I know all their tactics to the extent that whenever I'm having a therapy session I say nothing waiting for them to round it up.

Every doctor I've met before is either egoistic thinking that he can set me straight, or, scared to meet me thanks to my reputation. I didn't do much to earn the reputation as more than half of it is a lie that people paint to make me look like a bad person and the stupid doctors believed it.

And what do I do regarding the fake rumors?

I let them circulate.

I don't really care whether a doctor believes it or not. All I know is that there's no doctor that can help me. I don't even want to be helped to begin with. I know there's nothing wrong with me.

So what if I take drugs? I have my reason that no one tries to understand. Instead all they care about is "Stop taking these drugs, they can kill you" as if. All the doctors telling me this nonsense are the same ones leaching on my parent's money.

I don't know how much time I spent lost in my thoughts but the driver also didn't say a word to me when he parked the car. He and the escort knew the drill considering they had been the ones taking me to meet doctors in Abuja. And so far, today I'm meeting the third doctor in this hospital as all the other ones have failed and I knew today's outcome is going to be the same as all the other days so I don't really see the point in wasting my time by going but then again, my parents won't rest until I go.

Opening the door, myself this time, which is also part of the drill, I hopped off the car and closed the door behind me. Tucking both my hands in the hoodie's pocket I walked to the other side of the hospital where the entrance is so as to avoid people seeing me with the driver and escort because people might have an inkling of who I am.

Making my way to the receptionist whom I've lost track of the number of times I'm meeting her, I kept my face passive to show her that I am too not happy to be there which had always been my facial expression.

She looked at me from head to toe, her lips curving up in distaste and her judging eyes taking me in just as she's been doing for the past few times. I could feel some of the nurses' gazes on me as they muttered stuff amongst themselves about me being there for the nth time. I really couldn't care less about them. I don't care if they talk about me as long as they don't try to cross path with me, that's the only time I'll give them a piece of my mind.

"Hafsat Mukhtar?" She called after checking the computer in front of her. She knew my name, but she still does this to annoy me knowing I hate people calling me with that name.

Obviously that isn't my real name. My real name is Ummulkhulsum Abdullah Danbatta. My father is a politician and he thinks highly of image so having a drug addict of a daughter isn't exactly something that will help his image but rather tarnish it. So in the hospital, I use a different name and try to distance myself away from anything that will link us together. Hence why I'm not allowed to be seen with the driver and the escort.

The only few people that knew who I am were the first two doctors I met and since that hasn't worked, my parents decided that it will be best if this new doctor doesn't know my real identity.

While I hate the name, I really don't care that I'm forced to severe my relationship with my family in public. I'm good at pretending I don't know people. I can know a person for years and act as if I don't know the person to his face mostly because I severe myself away from everyone and everything related to the old Kulsum.

I don't care about anything much anymore.

But being addressed with another though name and surname can be annoying sometimes.

"The doctor will see you in thirty minute just as it were agreed upon. You're here too early. You may wait for him in the lobby" she said offering me a tight lipped smile that didn't reach her eyes. She found it annoying that no matter how many times she tries to talk to me I simply stare at her with a passive look and say nothing so she's trying to give me the same cold attitude.

Pathetic.

But what's more pathetic is the news she just gave me.

Now I have to spent another 30 minutes surrounded by people who throws me questioning glances along with judging eyes.

Great.

Just fucking great.

Can my life get any better today?

Without another word to the receptionist, I turned on my heels and was about to walk to the lobby and wait for the doctor when I bumped into someone, hard. Looking up, my gaze met that of this doctor I'd been seeing around since I started coming here. Raising her head up, her eyes narrowed when she realized it was I and before it could happen, I know I am in for a long string if curses that I am not in the mood to tolerate.

Long story short, she and I don't get along. We go way back.

"Watch where you're going addict!" She shrieked glaring at me.

I didn't let her words affect me. I'm used to being addressed as that even by my own family members so it doesn't affect me anymore. And it's really pathetic for her to think I will be offended by her words.

Instead of standing there and hearing her say nonsense, I started walking away from her when she held my arm and dragged me back. She was able to do that as I wasn't expecting her to do it hoping that she'll take a hint from the 'I'm not in the mood' face.

Apparently, she didn't.

This may end badly. For her that is. I'm just saying.

"I'm not done talking to you! You addict!" She yelled gaining the attention of the few passersby but I didn't care about them watching this.

I just stared at her in boredom. I was actually doing her a favor by walking away knowing what will happen if she annoys me, and she knew that too but the girl is just pressing my buttons.

She's dumb really. I wonder how she managed to become a doctor with that peanut sized brain of hers. Anyone with sense will know not to cross me. I left a pretty good reputation the last time that happened.

She took a step back and gave me a onceover, "Are the drugs you're taking affecting your brain? Because I wouldn't be surprised. Your life really is fucked up huh?" She cocked a brow, "Are your parents responsible for your upbringing? They must be addicts too then? How pathetic. Both the parents and daughter are psychos" She laughed and the people that surrounded us forming a crowd laughed too.

Her words hit the last nerve I had. How dare she? Just how dare she utter those words?

If she insults me I can ignore her. But no one insults my parents no matter how much I despise them too. I don't back down from such fights.

Without a second thought and with the adrenalin rushing in my veins, I did what earned me my bad or good as I'd like to call it, reputation here.

I raised my hand and smacked her right across the face making her fall on the ground from the impact.

Yes, I slapped the girl.

~*~

Assalamu alaikum!

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