Dear Journal,

Two weeks have passed since that fateful New Year's Eve when May breathed new life into my weary soul.

Is it pathetic of me that I have thought of her often? Her words were a guiding star as I struggled to recapture the essence of my creativity.

Emily, my ex, was the centre of my world. I would've laid the stars at her feet if she asked me. When she left me, she took everything...including my confidence. I hate that she lingers around me like a ghost. A box of her things is still in my apartment, her perfume lingers in my closet, and sometimes I feel my heart squeeze when I see her photo frame on my desk.

I hate myself for it.

May on the other hand, she's what I need.

I should clarify that I have no interest in her other than her inquisitive mind. She is beautiful of course, as expected of a former model. It's strange to meet someone like me. She sees the possibility of what can be. I need her in Haus of Lyon, she and I could be unstoppable.

I need my confidence and drive back.

You see...I'm a creature of habit. I'm used to driving myself through work if it means I can reach the other side with my sanity intact. And if I have to use May to do just that...so be it.

Today, the universe conspired to bring us together once more. And I'm ever so grateful.

I found myself at a quaint café, sketchbook in hand, attempting to translate my renewed inspiration into tangible designs. As fate would have it, May walked in, her presence as captivating as ever. She smiled when she saw me, and my stomach leapt.

We talked over coffee, and I found myself sharing my renewed sense of purpose, much of it owed to her. With every word, the idea grew clearer in my mind: May must be part of my fashion house. Her unique vision and natural grace could transform the brand.

But I was hasty, I'll admit.

I extended the offer, my heart racing with anticipation.

To my surprise—or not so surprising—she declined.

I'll respect that. Her refusal was gentle but firm. May explained that she preferred to work in Tesoro. James Ferez is both the creative director of Tesoro and the biggest thorn in my side. He took my Emily from me. I hated that man with every fibre of my being. Once we used to be cordial, Ashe we had mutual respect. That is not the case anymore.

May told me how James had scouted her when she had taken a break from modelling. He made her his little protege. There was a wistfulness in her eyes as she spoke, and I realized that this would be harder than I thought.

I was going to steal her away from James just as he stole Emily away from me.

Despite my disappointment, I respected her decision. May's integrity is part of what makes her so extraordinary. Perhaps if I played my cards right I could get her to work for me. I could make her ten times the designer than James could ever dream of.

It seems I run into memories wherever I go.

Later in the afternoon, as I strolled through the city, I encountered another ghost from my past: Emily, my ex. It had been months since we last spoke, and seeing her again stirred a mix of emotions. She looked radiant, her smile as charming as ever. It disarmed me momentarily and then I quickly regained my senses remembering how I once would've done anything to make her smile at me like that.

What's strange is that I felt nothing. I missed her, yes, but the betrayal clouded over whatever feeling remained.

Emily was happy to see me, smiling as if she had done nothing wrong but my heart felt as if she had taken a thousand needles and drove them straight into my heart. After a while of one sided small talk, She stepped into my personal space, her hands on my chest as she stared into my eyes. Her perfume made my head spin. She was...direct, expressing her desire to rekindle what we once had. She spoke of our shared history, the good times, and how she believed we could start anew. There was a time when I would have jumped at the chance, but today, I felt a strange detachment.

I didn't feel like revisiting the past. I kissed her well manicured hand and I smiled as I stepped away from her. (I'm not in the business of poisoning myself.)

There was a brief moment of triumph as I could see the sadness and anger in her blue eyes.

She can't have it both ways.

Emily belongs to Tesoro and James. I belong to myself and I want May.

My plan is clear. I always believed in the phrase 'kill two birds with one stone.' May and James were the birds and I was the stone heading towards them like a meteorite.

Much to do,

- Alexander