Okay so here's the start of the new format of the book. I never intended on this being a very long story so there's probably only a few more chapters of this left.

I actually broke down writing this chapter, it's kind of why it took me a little while to write.

Please let me know if you're enjoying this xx

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"Harry, stop it!" Louis giggled, trying his hardest to get away from his boyfriend's hands as he tickled the smaller boy. Harry was laughing with him, the sounds of  laughter echoing through their shared apartment.

"Never!" Harry replied as he continued to tickle Louis' sides until tears began to run down his face from laughing too hard.

"Harry," Louis whined. Harry stopped tickling him, instead keeping his hands on Louis' waist as he peered down at him.

"You're so fucking beautiful," Harry whispered causing a blush to spread over Louis' face. No matter how many times he heard it, Harry never failed to make him blush like a little school girl, "I love you."

"I love you, always."

"Louis? Are you in here?" Someone called from down the hallway causing Louis to groggily open his eyes from where he was tucked under the covers.

"I'm here," Louis replied, voice shaky from all the crying he had been doing recently. His dream had been interrupted, all he wanted to do was close his eyes and relive the memories that was being replaced in his dreams. He could faintly hear footsteps gradually get closer.

"Fuck... Lou, when was the last time you left this bed?" Niall asked. Louis could practically hear the worry in the Irish boy's voice. All the boys were worried about Louis.

"It's been a few days," Louis admitted, "I've been up to go to the bathroom but that's it."

"You haven't eaten at all?" Niall raised his eyebrow moving to sit down next to Louis on the bed. His voice was so soft, so gentle when he was talking to Louis.

It had been killing Niall to see him in such a way. Louis used to be the funny one. The carefree, fun-loving, Louis Tomlinson That always had Niall laughing with just a simple word.

Shaking his head, Louis whispered, "I'm sorry."

"Why are you saying sorry to me?" Niall wondered with his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"I'm sorry you have to see me like this. So broken... I wish I could fake a smile, Niall. I wish I could feel something apart from pain but I just can't," Louis confessed, voice breaking at the end of his sentence as tested began to pool in his eyes.

Niall reached out to run a hand through Louis' hair softly to comfort him causing the smaller boy's eyes to close at the feeling.

"You don't ever have to pretend for me, Lou. You're my best mate, hell, you're my brother. I'm always here for you," Niall informed before sighing, "That's why I'm here."

"Is something wrong? Is Harry okay?" Louis immediately sat up, anxiety taking over. Niall sighed once again.

"Harry's in town, " Niall started watching Louis' eyes widen at his words, "He's staying with me until he figures out what he's doing-"

"He should be here, he should be with me," Louis grumbled brokenly. Niall nodded, taking one of the smaller boy's hands in his.

"I know, " Niall smiled sadly, "I just needed to let you know."

"How... how is he?" Louis wondered. He didn't know what answered he wanted to hear. A part of him wanted to hear that Harry was happy because he hated the sound of him being sad or broken in anyway that Louis definitely was but at the same time, hearing that Harry was happy without him would also break him.

Losing someone you love was a losing game, no matter the case.

"He's not good, I'll be honest. It's killing me to see you both like this," Niall admitted. That was when Louis could actually see how much this break up was taking a toll on not only Harry and himself but their best friends.

It was only now that he was finding himself remember moments where Niall looked blotchy eyed and quieter than his normal self, or when Liam wouldn't scold him for how dirty the apartment was.

Louis could see how pale and tired Niall looked. Even their best friends were being caught up in the pain that Louis and Harry had been feeling.

It was like a butterfly affect. Just one action, one moment changed everyone. The people Louis would have to react with - the barista at the small cafe near his apartment when Louis would decide to eat was always giving him a sad smile. He didn't know it was because she knew that he wasn't okay. Louis didn't know that the young girl went home worried every night about the broken blue eyed boy that came in once a week.

Louis' sisters were falling behind at school, too concerned for their brother to focus on the work.

"I'm so fucking sorry, Niall," Louis let tears fall down, "God, I couldn't see how much this was affecting you. I've been so fucking selfish-"

"Don't even finish that sentence," Niall scolded before sighing, "We've been through so much together. I had to watch two of my best mates be forced to hide their love for each other from the world. I watched as you both slowly began to lose yourselves and I couldn't do anything to help. But shit happens for a reason, fucked up shit. This is going to make you stronger."

"I'm sick of being so sad," Louis confessed, "I want to be happy, god, Niall, it's all I want but I love him so much. I can't get him out of my head. He was it for me, I have no doubt in my mind that he was the one and I let him walk away. I let him walk away like a fucking coward."

"You can't ever stop someone from walking away, Lou. That's the thing. They have to want to stay, if you force them to they're going to end up resenting you. Harry leaving when he did was the best, I know that's hard to hear. If he stayed, things would have been worse," Niall wiped a tear away from Louis' cheek.

"I just wish he knew how sorry I was, how I felt about him," Louis closed his eyes, hand going to his chest to clutch onto his shirt. He could feel his heart hurting, he could feel the burn of the sobs taking over his body.

"Still write those letters?" Niall questioned quietly. He was fighting back his own tears.

Louis nodded, eyes opening before gesturing towards the desk that was in the bedroom, "They're over there. All of them are. They'll never be read."

Niall looked over at the desk, millions of thoughts running through his head before he turned back to Louis, wiping yet another tear away from his face.

"How about you jump in the shower? Clean yourself so you feel a little better and I'll come back in an hour to have a movie marathon?" Niall suggested. Louis sniffled, looking down at his lap for a moment then back at his best friend.

"Yeah," He whispered, "Yeah okay."

"Go jump in the shower, put those clothes in the wash and I'll be back in an hour with the supplies," Niall said moving to help the smaller boy off the bed, "You're so strong, Lou. This is going to get better. I'll make sure of it."

"I really hope so," Louis murmured before sighing, "Thank you, Niall. Honestly, thank you so much."

Niall smiles softly, "See you in an hour, Lou."

And with that Louis made his way to the bathroom ensuite, closing the door behind him. Niall stayed still listening until he heard the shower turn on in the bathroom.

The blonde then made his way over to the desk, spotting some yellow envelopes stacked neatly on the desk. Niall took one in his hand, opening it slightly to see what some of the note inside said.

Dear Harry,

I wish I just knew where you were. Maybe then I could try change your mind. I would show up at your door or send flowers to where you are. Or even send at least one of these letters for you to read.

Niall stopped reading there, putting the letter back into the envelope before grabbing the stack of them all and clutching them to his chest.

"Dear Harry, I'm about to bring you a whole lot of things to read."