Dear God, 

The idea to run away tempting. Enticing. To just simply walk away and be free and not feel trapped anymore. 

Trying to keep myself together from falling apart is easier said than done, haha, sigh. 

Ama. 

I don't recognize myself when I become that mad, when I am that mad. I get mad when the ones I love are hurt or are hurting, but suddenly becoming that mad recently because I felt so trapped - it scared me. 

I know that everyone says that I'm sweet, haha, sigh; and I know that I want to always be kind and patient and understand, but sometimes there's an anger inside of me that scares me and that I don't know what to with - it almost seems like a beast inside of me that I don't know of, haha, sigh. 

So I'm asking you, Daddy, to have my anger because you know what to do. You always knows what to do. You take care of everything. You take of the ones I love and you take care of me. 

I'm tired. So tired right now, filled with so much. But I know that You are my strength, that you will hold onto me and not let me fade and be my Morning Star, that you will always lead me, you little girl - I'll always be your little girl, your daughter. Even when I'm a mess, I'm your mess - God's mess. 

I am yours and you are mine. Even when I am someone's or not someone's, I am still yours. Forever. I will always be yours. 

And I love that. I love you, God. Papa. Abba. Father. Daddy. 

You are perfect. 

Love always and yours,

Nichi