Dear God,

Something snapped in me. Something inside me, broke along with that cake platter that fell onto the ground. When that cake platter broke, it reminded of something from the past, but I can't remember why that reminded of something from the past or if it's even something from my past.

When that cake platter broke, I don't know, God. My hands immediately flew to my ears, and my arms gathered close to me. It wasn't my fault, I know that, God; but I don't understand what happened inside me when that cake platter broke.

I immediately was scared that someone would hit me, beat me, but why? I have never been abused, so why am I scared of someone hitting me now? I know it wasn't my fault, but I don't understand.

This isn't something from my past, but how is it linked to me?

I don't understand, God. I don't, but You do. You know.

I don't know, I don't understand, but You know and understand; and all I know and understand is that I need You and I need to lean harder on You, right now.

Haha. All because of a broken cake platter; but even so, I still need You. Even if the cake platter accident never happened, I need You, badly and desperately. I need to lean on You.

I need to. I need You.

Love,

Nichi