Dear God,
"I love walking in the rain 'cause no one knows I'm crying."
Sometimes my eyesight becomes blurry as I walk, trying not to cry and looking down so no one can see my tears. When I cry, I sometimes cry behind the bathroom and turn on the sink or and shower so no one can hear me crying. No one knows that when I put my head on my knees, that my tears are dripping down. That I burrow my head in my pillow when I cry myself to sleep, so no one can hear my sobs. That when I stand in the rain, I stand in the rain or walk in the rain so no one knows I cry.
No one, but You. Only few people know, but almost no one knows but You.
"People cry, not because they're weak. It's because they've been strong for too long."
Have I been strong for too long, God? Deep down, I think I have. It's almost embarassing for me to say because for so long I've almost done it on my own. But I know now that I never was able to on my own. No, whenever I did it on my own, I always ended up trying to not cry because I though in my head that strong girls never cry. But after I thought that, I always though, "Right? Strong girls never cry, right?"
I was wrong. You taught that strong girls do cry. You taught me that it's alright to cry. And I don't have to lie to everyone almost everyday that I'm okay.
Whenever I did it on my own, it ended with me crying on my knees. It ended with me making the ache inside me hurt more. With me feeling empty. With me feeling like everything was my fault. No, I can't do this on my own.
I make mistakes. My past has proven that. I'll still make mistakes and sometimes I don't know what to do. I'm lost without you, that's why I need and I'll always will need you. Because without you, I won't be able to make it and I'm better off dead without you by my side. But you're by my side, and you given me life.
Just Because
My Eyes Don't Tear
Doesn't Mean
My Heart Doesn't Cry.
And Just Because
I Come Off Strong
Doesn't Mean
There's Nothing Wrong.
~ ~ ~
just because she comes off strong,
doesn't mean she didn't fall asleep crying.
and even though she acts like nothing's wrong,
maybe she's just really good at lying.
~ ~ ~
But there is something wrong and I don't have to lie anymore. You're the band-aid on me since I've cracked, you're the Only One who filsl the ache and emptiness. You're the Only One.
So, what's stopping me? What's stopping me from always being with you?
Nothing. So, then I shouldn't be afraid.
Love,
Nichi
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