TW: some topics may trigger some people, please skip if you wish.

"ay ay ay, look at that! you sexy motherfucker! you slay that outfit!" seonghwa squealed loudly as minho walked out the dressing room, both his hands on his hips and a sassy smirk plastered on his face.

"it's amazing isn't it?" the brunette asked as the other male aggressively clapped his hands together with a wide grin.

"wait! let me go ask the shopkeeper if they have another of this, we can match!" the taller male exclaimed and skipped away to the cashier area to ask them.

minho turned to the mirror and looked at himself in the overalls. he thought he look surprisingly great in it and giggled.

before minho knew it, seonghwa came back more disappointed than could ever be.

"the cashier is an asswipe."

"the cashier is a what?"

"a fucking asswipe. that bitch was acting so rude to me!"

"fuck that person, anyways, should i buy this? do you think jisung will like it? i mean it's just for hanging out but i want him to like it! is it good?" minho asked as he posed again

"definitely! i think he'll really like this outfit, i hope. you look great in it though! but also buy something else, i heard they give a discount if you buy stuff worth hundred dollars or something," seonghwa said, whispering the last part as if anyone there could even understand a word of korean.

"hah, last time felt like a whole dream, it felt so unreal! how did it possibly happen? i hope i didn't make him uncomfortable or anything by almost showing i like him."

"hey dont say that! from what you told jenn and i, he definitely didn't feel uncomfortable. have hopes min, all your besties are on a mission to make him fall for you," the older male slapped minho in the chest as he chuckled.

"you know he looked so pretty when he was petting soonie, doongie and dori in my room? i could stare at him forever literally, forever. i hope he knows how beautiful he is!" minho rambled about his crush as seonghwa stared at him with glee.

he'll never forget his love and how much he rambled just like minho was doing currently. his love and social life was practically non-existent until he reached college. he barely had any friends and when he did, they were mostly fake. well the only person he spoke to from his class was minho, and that was rare.

though, he didn't expect minho to be his roommate in college, it was a surprise to him yet they bonded perfectly as friends. well hongjoong wasn't exactly his first love. his first love dated back to 10th grade. a new kid had joined and tried to befriend seonghwa. they weren't really that close but were still in contact.

taehyun. kang taehyun.

it was a smart boy a year younger than him yet he was in a class above. he was ethereal, kind and someone so unique. he was a savage little shit though, always roasting the older whenever he got the chance.

aside from all the roasting, they were close. only for about a year. the younger male was seonghwa's only best friend and they'd become like siblings. well not exactly because seonghwa had a massive crush on him. he'd always ramble about taehyun in his secret diary since he didn't have anyone to talk about it too, except for taehyun. he couldn't though, he didn't want to risk his only friendship for a silly crush. it was something he cherished so much.

by the end of the year though, the younger seemed different. more often tired, barely talking, under the weather, hiding always. he'd almost completely stopped talking to seonghwa. he started sitting at the back of the class, unlike before when he would sit at the front. previously, he would wait near the lockers for seonghwa to arrive but since he suddenly stopped doing it, seonghwa was worried. really worried. the male made him so happy and he thought he made the other happy too, what did he do wrong? did taehyun accidentally read his diary? definitely not since his diary was always under his mattress at home.

perhaps he just didn't like seonghwa anymore and decided to end their friendship there. maybe he started hating the older male. was he making him uncomfortable? did he say something the younger didn't like? he didn't think he did, he tried his best at hiding his crush on him. he'd always kept his crush to himself. he even asked taehyun what was wrong so many times yet he kept saying he was okay and tried pushing the male away. 

the taller wondered why the sudden change occurred, he was confused. the change didn't happen overnight, it happened over a period of few months. that was only until something scary happened that scarred him.

16th march 2014, the day before the start of their board exams, kang taehyun took his own life.

their exams had to be postponed. the most painful part was attending his funeral a few days after the autopsy that confirmed it was suicide. guilt dawned him upon the fact that he wasn't able to help someone so close to him. someone that held a really special place in his heart, he couldn't save. he even felt he was the reason the younger took his own life. his heart ached to see the once joyful and happy boy now lay lifeless in an ice box. his eyes were closed and he looked so peaceful, as if no one could hurt him now; not even himself.

though the rumors spread in school pretty quickly about the fact that everyone thought the older was one of the reasons the younger took his life.

he felt terrible for everything. he wasn't there for one of the darkest times of taehyun's life, what type of a friend was he? a horrible friend no one would want.

11th grade was one of his lowest points. he had started to bottle up all his emotions and keep it to himself. and that continued till he grew into an adult.

nobody wanted to talk to him, him not talking to anybody except for minho, rarely. he'd kept taehyun's suicide note and a letter to seonghwa in a small wooden box in the drawer of his bedside table.

he'd never forget to visit the younger's grave atleast once every week with a letter and his favourite flowers. every night he'd make sure to look at the shimmering stars way up in the sky that resembled little specks of pretty glitter sprinkled on a giant navy blue piece of paper. he was always hoping that his taehyun was one of them, looking down on him proudly. it warmed yet hurt him that taehyun was probably really happy and safe where he was. he was in a better place.

he was barely moving on from everything that happened, it scared him so much. it felt like a huge earthquake that specifically attacked him. he'd never forget the younger's sweet smiles every time they met.

it could've been the most simple things taehyun did for him yet he appreciated it so much. little did he know those small things he did would be something he would remember forever.

"hwa! why are you crying?" the older was suddenly snapped out of his thoughts because of minho's shouting, the younger wiping the tears of seonghwa's face with his thumbs

"oh what? im crying what? what rubbish," he mumbled in a rush as he sniffled a bit and aggressively wiped his tears away with his hands.

"see look, im not crying! im fine, now come on, let's go, get these outfits paid for," the male kept rushing.

"get your ass down on this seat and tell me what happened. i went to get changed and the next thing i know you're out here full on sobbing, what happened? you can tell me," minho comforted.

it had been ages since he spoke to someone about what he actually felt. even to hongjoong. he might have been his boyfriend but he had severe trust issues hence didn't open up to him about what was on his mind. he didn't have a crush on taehyun anymore, he just missed him a lot as a close friend. looking up to the sky everyday was painful. he couldn't even visit his grave anymore since he moved.

"taehyun."

"hmm, what about him? i don't know him but tell me," the brunette spoke as the older shut his eyes close with a deep breath which he took, his cheeks already filling with tears. minho rubbed his back, trying to comfort him.

"i miss him so much."

that was all seonghwa could stutter out before he broke down again, for the first time in so long. at a clothes shop. but who was he to care, he just wanted to let it all out after years of keeping it to himself.

--|--

so like do yall want a chap or sum of seongjoong, i would love writing that

also like how did we go from hwa calling min a sexy motherfucker to some sad stuff🧍

anw, if you need help in such things, please don't be afraid to reach out to someone, they can help you! this is something really serious and i never realized it since im someone who's gone through this for long enough i really wouldn't wish someone else to go through what i did. even if it's my enemy. nobody deserves to go through that.

it's okay to reach out to someone for help or to talk to, talking to someone about your feelings is valid, you are valid. if you do feel helpless please feel free to dm me, i will try my best to help you <33

im always here, rooting for you <3