Dear journal,

Today when I woke up I felt like a ton of shit.
My head felt heavy, and so did my eyes. I had a massive head ache. When I tried to get up I felt this sharp pain in my legs, I frowned when I remembered last night.
I looked at the alarm and realized I woke up before the alarm. I groaned and laid back down. I can't go to school today, I'm not up for it. I can't go and face Lyle, not like this, not after what happened.
I can't even face Becka.
I can't face anyone like this. I'll admit it, I'm an emotional wreck. I called for my mom.

"Mom!" No answer. I called louder. "MOM!" I heard foot steps coming up the stairs, she looked tired like she just woke up.

"Yes darling?" He said with a yawn.

"I can't go to school."

"Huh? Why not?" She said sitting down on my bed.

"I feel sick."

"Sick, like how?"

"I have a head ache and my stomach hurts." She leaned over and felt my head.

"Wow, hon, your really burning up." I was kinda shocked, but hey, at least that meant no school.

"Ok, you should stay home. Will you be fine by yourself? I have work today." I nodded, she kissed me on the forehead, told me to take care of myself and rest, then she left. I sighed in relief, I don't have face Lyle today, I have a day to contemplate life and stuff. It's sad, to believe I considered killing myself for a second yesterday, but I chose to cut instead. I guess cutting is better than ending it all. My mom would be heart broken if she found out though. I can't tell anyone about this. Not even Becka.

Since I didn't have to go to school I decided to go back to sleep. When I woke up it was minutes to 11:00. When I woke I felt better physically, but not emotionally. I checked my phone to see a bunch of messages from Becka, and one from mom.

Mom: I called the school and said you were sick. Get plenty of rest ok Hun? Love you.

I smiled and checked the messages from Becka.

Becka 👻: dude, where are you?

Becka 👻: class is really boring without you. It's not the same when Mr.Gof isn't yelling at you 24/7 haha😂

Becka 👻: srsly dude, where r u?

Becka 👻: Your boyfriends worried about you. He's going on and on about how he made you upset and left his house. What's that all about?

I frowned at this, I knows she's talking about what happened with me and Lyle.

Becka 👻: ok ok, I know when I'm being ignored, bye.

I sighed and texted her back.

To Becka 👻: sorry, I was sleeping so chill. And I'm sick, so I'm not coming to school.

About a minute later she texted back.

Becka 👻: really, that's sucks. And also, what's this about Lyle making you upset? Did something happen??

I really don't wanna talk about last night.

To Becka 👻: nothing happened, tell him to stop worrying about it.

About 10 minutes later she texted back.

Becka 👻: dude, why you gotta lie like that?

To Becka 👻: what u mean?

Becka 👻: Lyle told me what happened. He said all he did was mention that you and his boyfriend had the same taste in music and you left. You didn't have to say nothing happened, that really bites dude, I'm sorry :(

To Becka 👻: did you tell Lyle anything??

Becka 👻: besides what u told me to, no. I wouldn't betray your trust like that.

I felt relieved when she said she told Lyle nothing about me having a crush on him.

Becka 👻: I'm sry about Lyle. If u wanna talk about it, I'm here :)

To Becka 👻: thanks 🙂

I put my phone away and made myself some breakfast. I spent the rest of the day sleeping and watching t.v.

I'll have to face Lyle tomorrow though. I'm not sure if I'm ready.