Dear Diary,

Here's the definition of love:
an intense feeling of deep affection

I've often wondered if I loved Louis when we were together. I always knew I liked him, or like liked him, but I sometimes questioned if it was really love. Now I know that it was. My feelings for Louis have always been intense. All our moments with each other made me love him even more.

I'm trying to hold back tears as I'm writing this because I'm thinking of all the best moments that would make me truly, madly, deeply in love with Lou. Cuddles on rainy days at our house in Princess Park, lyric changes on stage, the little touches, sneaking kisses before leaving the tour bus, and the hot sessions in the bathroom before concerts. I don't think I need to explain what happened in those sessions. I won't forget, so there's no need to take the time to write it.

I talked to Niall on facetime this morning. He asked me how I was doing. I tried to dodge the subject, but he ended up forcing it out of me. He said, "I'm here for you, Harry. You know you can always tell me what's going on in your mind. I have no judgment, you know that."

"I don't really know how to say it," I told him.

Niall nodded and asked me gently if it was about Louis. That's when I let it all out to him. All my feelings that I've bottled up for so long just burst out. I bawled my eyes out, something I haven't done for a long time. Niall just sat there and listened to my blubbering.

I poured out all my thoughts. I told him about how I couldn't stop thinking of Lou even after two years. I told him about my fears that maybe Louis really does love Eleanor. I said that I bet Louis hated me since he hadn't even made an attempt to keep in touch. I even went on about my coping mechanisms. I still remember Niall's own tears dotting his cheeks when I was finally done explaining everything.

"Holy shit, Haz. I had no idea you were hurting that bad," he mumbled though his tears.

All I could do was shrug. Letting my emotions out made me feel a little better, but the ache is still there.

Niall gave me better advice than any therapist could ever think of giving. "Write your emotions into songs. I know you already do, but write about Lou."

And I think I'll do that. Starting tomorrow morning, I'm writing a song about Louis.

All the love, X

(A/N) Idk if I'm really writing enough emotions in this but I'm trying.

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