My mother told me that the greatest joy a person could have is when they find the one they love so earnestly, feel happy because of them.

I used to think it worked both ways or work at all. I guess i was wrong and so was my mother because i'm not happy and from the look on ethan's face, neither is he.

He walked over to the closet in a black robe and boxer briefs, leaving me cold, beaten up and weak.

Is it bad to want to just sleep for all of eternity? I guess it won't be that easy because ethan will never leave me alone to sleep.

He came home an hour ago and started smashing stuff—typical.

He pushed past wiesly and pushed me off the bed, making me slam on the floor and may or may not dislocate my arm.

Maybe the safest option is to die.

But i'm a coward, i tried it once, a year after our wedding when ethan first used the whip on me
He sliced my skin, making the flesh protude from the opening, it wasn't a pretty sight. i was in indescribable pain for hours and then I couldn't take it anymore.

I crawled my disheveled self into the bathroom and took some pills from the medicine cabinet. The same type of sleeping pills my dad shoved down his throat when my mom died. But a wise man once said, luck works in mysterious ways. i guess the universe wasn't in my favour because i only slept for a long time. The efffect wore off after a couple of days.

When i woke up, i found myself on the bathroom floor, my clothes were damp and so was my hair. i slept on that floor for two whole days.

Maybe...Maybe i should just grab a bunch of ties from Ethan's side of the closet, tie them together and hang myself. it seems like one of the most guaranteed options.

I could do it now, but i'm tired, i'm just so tired, i'm too tired, it's so hard to breathe.

I'm on the floor in my yellow pyjamas with bits off my hair all over the place and shrads of glass in my arms, legs and face. i leaned  on the side of the bed, my head on my shoulder, holding my left hand in my right one, breathing and wishing something sudden would come and take my life away.

I'm so tired.

  I slowly look up to the ceiling, what was i expecting to see? God maybe. Why can't he just end my life? I don't want it anymore, I never wanted it, take it back!

What confused me the most was the fact that i didn't know why exactly i was being punished by Ethan, i thought it was because i wore a dress and went to the event but apparently, that's not why. Because Ethan never had a problem with me going out.

Of course he wouldn't . I don't even go out.

You won't either if you have to come up with a legit story everytime you're sporting a new injury. People started finding my kitchen knife, wet bathroom floor and falling on the stairs excuses suspicious, I have no idea why.

maybe because a kitchen knife can't give you a bump on the head.

I close my eyes briefly, feeling my lashes dust my cheeks .

I didn't cry. I sat through the beating, even though i screamed when he yanked my hair and when the glass buried themselves into my skin but i didn't cry.

Perhaps my tear ducts are empty,  took them long enough.

I open my eyes and inhaled deeply. I winced from the sharp pain somewhere in my abdominal cavity and adjusted to make myself comfortable on the nice cold floor again.

I heard footsteps aproach me as i leaned my head on the side board.

I just want to die and never feel pain again. is that too much to ask?

Ethan walked over to me and crouched down so we were eye leveled. He looks calmer, maybe i should apologise now for my offence and also not knowing my offence. He stretched his hand towards me and i flinched, reflex.

I felt his thumb graze my bottom lip lightly and i closed my eyes, expecting the pain that came next.

I winced from the pain, but the pain did not come from him hitting me, he was taking out the shrads of glass that were lodged in my skin. i winced when he took out a piece that dug deeper than the rest.

"i'll call marylyn to clean this up." he said absentmindedly, concentrating on taking out the rest of the glass lodged in my arms.

"you looked beautiful tonight by the way." he gave me a guilty smile.

I almost laughed. I hit my head so hard that i'm seeing things.

i couldn't return the smile, i was too tired, i settled for closing my eyes briefly.

"I think i got them all out, but just in case, go take a shower." he instructed me.

i moved my left arm away from my right arm but it just fell limp on the floor. I looked up at ethan pleadingly.

Please, please just let me stay here, i promise not to do anything to rattle your nerves, i'll be a good wife and do nothing. you won't even know i exist.

But ethan wasn't hearing any of that, he placed his hands under my armpits and raised me up. i had no choice but to stand, i almost fell back on the floor.

He was still in boxer briefs and a robe but he put on a grey tee shirt. ethan looked as handsome as ever and he smelled like him, that scent that makes my heart race.

He suddenly looked away.

"Go on, take a shower and go to bed." He said, not quite meeting my eyes and walked out of my bedroom.

I have nor the strength or the time to think about his weird behaviour right now, i need to take a shower. It took all of my strength to walk accross the floor litered with broken glass and I winced when pieces of it got lodged in my foot. I couldn't care less if they distroyed my feet.

I walked past the mirror over the sink in the bathroom, not in the mood to stare at my pitiful self right now. I walked under the shower and turned on the hot water, the cold water would make the cuts sting more and i really don't want to feel anymore pain.

I shut the water and didn't even bother using a towel to dry myself. I peeked from the bathroom door to make sure i don't startle anyone. i'm stark nude.

Marylyn was just walking inside the room with a broom.

I don't think marylyn would want to see me naked. Ethan wouldn't like that.

I slowly pulled a towel from the rack and walked out of the bathroom with the towel wrapped around me, ignoring the side glances Marylynne was giving me and slipped on some undies and my night dress then i walked over the the bed, placed myself under the covers and slipped into unconciousness almost immediately.

**********

"Does she have to go to the hospital"

"Well, no. But it'll be easier to keep watch on her there."

"We can hire a nurse that will stay with her all the time and bring in the machines in here. i don't want word of this going out anywhere."

"I understand sir."

I open my eyes slowly. it feels like i poured ice cream on my head.

I slowly moved up, pulling the cool object off my head

"oww..."

I lean my head to the other side, thank the heavens someone was smart enough to pull down the blinds.

"How do you feel?" came a voice from the door. I distinctively recognized it as ethan's

"Thirsty." I croaked.

In three long strides, he was already at my side. he picked up the glass of water on my stand and placed the rim on my lips. i tentatively parted my lips, slowly gulping the water that felt like a second heaven.

"Thank-" a dry cough forced it's way out of my mouth. He quickly placed the glass back on the stand and pulled me up to a siting position. I shut my eyes close as my head groaned from the motion but my coughing fit calmed down.

"Are you okay? Oh no, wait. don't talk." He shook his head and gazed at me with concern.

I think i'm sick. why else will i see a such a rare emotion filled in ethan's eyes?

"I'm fine." i nod, regretting it immediately. my head feels like a football after a UEFA match.

"Go back to sleep." he instructed me, pulling the blanket to my chest and tucking it around me. I simply stared at him in awe.

And because i was too weak and in pain to protest, I fell asleep immediately i closed my eyes, dreaming of an Ethan with breathtaking blue green eyes.

**********

when i woke up, i found ethan sitting on the sofa across the room. He was in a white dressshirt and black suit trousers. His red tie hung loosely around his neck and his dark hair fell over his forehead which was scrunched up on concentration. the sunlight from the window reflecting on his hair making it glint with a shade of dark blue.

I tore my eyes away from my husband as i inspected my body. there were at least three tubes sticking out of my arm. i was still in my night dress. I tried moving my other arm to push myself up to a sitting position when ethan looked up from his work.

He hurriedly came to my side and helped me up to sit.

"What do you need?" he asked, his blue eyes shining with concern.

Concern? i guess i'm still sick.

"Water." I quietly said, my voice coming out raspy.

"Here." he placed the glass on my lips. I drank the water tentatively.

"Are you hungry?" he asked, placing the glass back on the night stand.

I just stared at him.

"I'll call wiesly to bring in some food for you. i have to go work." He leaned in, as if wanting to kiss me but knowing ethan, I closed my eyes and raised my left arm which was not covered in tubes to shield my face.

I waited for the pain, I waited and waited and waited. but it never came.

I finally opened my eyes after what seemed like forever to find the room empty.

Houston, we have a problem, the world is coming to an end.
  
********

Wiesly came in ten minutes later with a tray of food balanced on his arm, wearing one of the many black suits he has and his signature yellow tie.

He sat on the sofa, reading a book after feeding me some soup—i'm still not sure what is wrong with me, i'm still not sure i care— and leaving me with the TV remote so i can stay entertained, Then marylyn came knocking on my door.

"Sorry ma'am but miss lyla arrived at the gate a minute ago and i let her in since you had no problem with her before." she glanced at me and then to wiesly warily.

Wiesly stood up immediately to take care of the situation. and by that i mean lie to lyla so she won't find out i'm sick from my husband's beating and i need several tubes sticking out of my arm to help me stay strong.

The last maid who took care of things before marylyn came, passed away. after mourning her death for a long time, we decided to hire another maid and thats when marylyn came into the picture.Marylyn has no idea about how we keep the personal issues of this house personal.  I don't blame her.

Marylyn eyed me nervously but i forced a smile for her. She smiled back, did an unnecessary courtsey and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind her.

I closed my eyes immediately the door closed shut. I could hear the plop plop sound of the drip. my illness must be serious if i needed this to heal. I wish they didn't call the doctor, i wish they let me die on the floor. i wish...i wish they just let me go this time.

I heard a door shut and strained my ears to listen better, but i cant hear anything. I hope wiesly is able to keep lyla away. 

Ten minutes later, and i know it's ten minutes because of the time on the TV, weisly came back with a grim look on his face. He stared at the ground as he opened the door and shut it behind him.

When he finally looked up, he avoided my eyes.

"I told miss lyla you're out of town and i have no idea when you'll be back or where you went to. she asked me to keep calling you because you wouldn't answer any of her calls or reply any of her texts." He walked over to the sofa and plopped down on it, still avoiding my eyes.

"Thank you." i said quietly.

Weisly stood up from the sofa after a while and walked towards me. he looked like he was calculating whether to come or not but he stopped at my side and carefully sat on the bed, he fiddled with his fingers before he finally glanced up to meet my eyes. I wish he didn't.

Weisly's tears were the last thing i wanted to see in the world . He took my right hand and placed a kiss in the center of my palm. I couldn't stop the tears that ran down my cheeks.

"I'm fine wiesly." i sniffled.

"No you're not my child, no you're not. But you would be. i promise you." He enclosed my right hand in his and leaned in to kiss my forehead.

I closed my eyes, already feeling the effect of the pain relieving pills that made me drowsy and slipped into a light slumber.

I had no idea what was waiting for me the next day.

*******
Hey hey, long time no read.. I for one don't like this chapter but I just had to publish it. 

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