Taking a deep breath,i summon every bit of courage i have to take this huhge leap into the next Hchapter of my life.

Grandpa takes my hand and places kisses on each of my fingers. I can see him through my white tansparent veil .he looks handsome in his white tux and beautifully groomed white hair. A warm smile plastered on his full lips but they don't quite reach his eyes.

I can see pain in his eyes but i don't say anything and smile back.i fully understand why he's feeling that way.

i turn away,unable to continue looking at the man who has sacrificed the last of his life for me. Tears sting behind my eyes but i blink them back, i don't think ethan would want to see a scarecrow when his lifts my veil.

I can hear the faint melody of 'here comes the bride' and the double doors of the church open, revealing a fairytale like scene.

My sister michelle is my chief bridesmaid and paul,one of ethan's closest friends is the best man.

White roses were dispersed unevenly on the asile and the sight of the decor is breathtaking.

Despite the eye widening scenery, my eyes are fixed on him. Handsome is an understatement to describe him. In a black tux and white dress shirt-contrasting the white tux of his train of groomsmen- his pefectly groomed hair looks absolutely beautiful.

I can hear my heart in my ears and grandpa must've sensed my agitation because he sqeezed my hand and flashed his 'its going to be alright' smile at me. I returned my attention back to ethan.and the obvious hits me again.

I'M GETTING MARRIED!

I'M FREAKING GETTING MARRIED!

i take another deep breath as Grandpa hugs me before reluctantly letting my hand go. I hand my bouquet to michelle and hug her. I can feel the tears burning in my eyes.

I pull away from her and blink back the tears threatening to spill and take with them the perfection of my 3hrs make up.

The music i wasn't paying attention to,came to an end and my eyes lock on ethan. God he looks even more handsome up close. He flashes one of his heart stopping smiles at me and takes my hands in his, brushng featherlight kisses on the back of each hand.

"you look beautiful vannessa."

i grin at him and take another deep breath. Its something i do when i'm feeling stressed and it always works.

Ethan takes in my apperance again and i can't blame him. I look almost unrecognisable in the extremely long,white, silky beautiful wedding gown michelle and diana,ethan's cousin coaxed me into selecting, even though i would've picked it anyways.

When i saw it in the boutique,i could'nt take my eyes off of it.

it was sleeveless and the neckline covered the lower half of my neck. it had some adjustments because it was too big. The dress added more curves where it was needed and the elegant design is absolutely marvelous, i was beautiful and descent, just my style.

"Dearly beloved." the priest starts to talk bringing me back to reality.

which reminds me.

I'M FREAKING GETTING MARRIED

"We are gathered here to join Ethan jameson and vanessa edgewood in holy matrimony........if anyone objects to this union,speak now or forever hold your peace."

I snapped my attention to the now full church but no one spoke. Although i could've sworn i saw gabrielle shift in her chair, but i'm not sure,this damned veil is restricting my vision,well just a little.

I smile and turn my head to the direction of my prince charming. He looked.....scared? i'm sure its just the nervousness of getting married.

the priest went on with the ceremony but i barely registered most of what he said until the part where we had to exchange vows.

"vanessa,i promise to stand by you,love and respect you for the rest of our days together,i promise to put you first and protect you for as long as i'm breathing.i promise to keep that beautiful smile on your face for as long as we're together and the only tears you'll shed are those of pure hapiness.i promise to hold your hand and walk with you through the good times and bad.i'll keep our flame alive until were gray and old.you'll always have full possesion over my heart.....well,until our kids come along"

The church burst into laughter and so did i.

"i promise you vanesa,i'll always be there for you.i'll always love you. Until death do us part."

Ethan's vows came to an end and the chuch began clapping and a coule of groosmen and guests whistled.

I feel tears threatening to spill again but only one teardrop managed to escape. An involuntary sob escaped my lips and i bite my lower lip in attempt to keep myself from bursting into tears.

"Ethan,the very first time i saw you,my heart skipped a beat and now my heart beats for you and only you. I promise to share my mind,body and soul with you for the rest of my life. I promise to put you first and never leave your side. I'll walk with you through the smiles and frowns of life,i'll be with you through the highs and lows of life . I'll carry your children and i'll forever love you ethan, for as long as i live."

The church clapped even more and the preist completed the ceremony.

Ethan lifted my veil after the preist pronounced us married and kissed me a little too intimately, considering we're in a church.

The church trailed behind us as ethan and i walked towards the entrance of the building.different colours of rose petals rained on us as we opened the double doors.

I threw the bouquet and Trisa, my co worker caught it.

Ethan pulled me into the limo and shut the door. The noise of our family and friends drowned by the sound of our laughter and distance we were putting between us.

Ethan pulled me until i was stradling his hips and placed a hot moist kiss on my neck.

He pulled my veil off and kissed my lips wantingly. I pulled back to stare into the beautiful blue ocean that is ethan's eyes and saw the unmistakable lust flare in them. I could feel him hard under my legs.

"you have no idea how hard it was to restrain myself from running up to you and kissing you immediately you walked in with your grandfather." ethan said, trailing kisses on my neck and collarbones.

"You're so beautiful nessa.you're beautiful and mine."

i gasp at the sudden tightness of his grip on my wrist.

"let go ethan,you're hurting my wrist."

He let go immediately and grimaced.

"i'm sorry nessa,i just got carried away."

He places his lips on my wrist before pressing them on my lips. I smile against his mouth and pulled back to take a look at his sharp features again.

His eyes are still flaring with heat and his beautiful full lips stretched into a grin, the sides of his blue eyes crinkling and his jaw perfectly chiesled.he's beautiful.

i sighed.

"we're married ethan.we're maried." i whisper.

" yes darling."

He pulls my head towards his mouth again.

"yes we are."

I grin again and rest my forehead on his.

the rest of the way home was filled with heated kisses and ethan was still pressing me against his hard chest when we arrived at the mansion. We had to change into different clothes and drive to elegante. it is a huge building ethan inherited from his grandfather.its very spacious and couldn't do the job of holding the reception better.

Ethan insisted on carrying me into the mansion bridal style and there was no point in arguing .he always gets his way.

He carried us both into his bedroom before dropping me down to walk on my own so i can change.

I walk over to the mirror .A goofy smile still registered on my lips as i reach behind my back to unzip my gown.

Just as i got hold of the zipper, i felt a pair of hands on my back.he pryed my hand away and slowly undid the zip,placing moist kisses along the depression on my back.i Instinctively closed my eyes. I turn to meet his gaze and he grips my hand.

"Ethan,c'mon ,lets go we have to be there in an hour."

He doesn't releases his grip.

"Ethan, Ethan common, let go."

"Mine... Mine, mine. "

I whimper when his hand work their way to my butt and squeezed.

"Yes baby, moan for me." he purred.

That wasn't a moan, in fact it's getting painful.

"I think that's enough Ethan, we should go." I yank my hand away from him.

I gasp at the sudden contact,causing a painful sizzling in my cheek.

I blink.

I gasp, Looking up to meet ethan's gaze,with a hand on my left cheek and tears pooling in my eyes.

I blink again

"what......what the hell just happened?" i whisper

Hot trails of tears stream down my face

He wraps his hands around my waist and flashed a crooked grin at me.

"Never refuse me sweetheart." he said ,his voice deepening by an octave and kissed me squarely on the mouth.only this time,i felt disgusted.

"Never." he repeated and walked away.

I couldn't do any thing but watch.

what the hell happened?

why didn't i do anything?

what have i done!!?.

*x*x*x*x*x*x*

First official chapter of Dear Diary. Sorry about the typos.😊😊
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