Believe me when I say I'm frustrated.
I want to date, but have trust issues and an inferiority complex.
It's not like I don't have anyone it's just that I don't feel free enough to be loving.

Is that weird?
Or is it just me?

Well, whatever the outcome of this relationship, I will stay loyal until he no longer needs me. Though he's been by my side for about 11 years or so... He's always tried to cheer me up, despite getting slapped repeatedly, chased down and pinched. Yes, pinched. I'm a bit childish.

I want to love, but:
I'm afraid of getting hurt
I'm afraid of not being loved
I'm afraid of not being accepted
I'm afraid of being misunderstood
I'm afraid of love.

Typical. Pathetic.

The people I've dated before were ~how do I put this~ assholes. Well not all of them since there were quiet a few. Besides the point..

The point is I wouldn't trust them or love them again. Not even to save them. It won't happen again. Ever.

I've abstained
.. From alcohol and sex for over a year.
It reminds me of when I was an innocent virgin girl. Which I'm not anymore. I wish I still was.

Maybe then I wouldn't feel so broken and empty.
This lost or abandoned.
It sounds dramatic but its how I feel.

I want a lot but want to avoid risking pain.

So I'm left frustrated.

.....
Hi guys..
I'm a bit late to update since it was supposed to be a daily thing.
I'm not feeling too well..
Hope you guys are safe and warm.
Ta ta for now...
~ Jae