Dear diary,

the 2nd day I'm in this hospital bed natsu keeps coming with our group of friends . I'm especially close with levy and lisanna they are my best friends we always laugh and talk and just like natsu they changed me to a more opened and not so shy girl .

Now I can't imagine my life without them levy always come with a new book and we read it together as for lisanna who I call lis she always makes me laugh with her crazy brother stories it so fun having them by my side but once natsu comes they leave us alone .

When he came this evening he took my hand in his embrace and told me how his morning went and how much he missed me we talked about lots of things when the time for visitors ended he left with a sad smile .

I have to think shall I tell him about my condition ..... About my tumor ...do I really want to die or do I choose to live and do the operation that scares me to death i have 6 more days to think about it .

The 3rd day was the same thing reading , laughing and smiling they always keep me company.

On the 4th day it was when my father went to court to be judged I'm scared for him I know I shouldn't be but he still is my father and always will be .

I was eating my breakfast when natsu came barging in with everyone and I really mean it EVERYONE was in my small hospital room .

"Luce .... Guess what ?"
Natsu was panting I bet they ran all the way up to here they really are crazy right?

"What is it ?" I asked him and lisanna replied in his place .

"We were at the court just now ...."

"To see what your fathers charge was and ......" Juvia said I saw how they looked sad or maybe guilty.

"And his sentence is ....... he will spend his whole life in jail for the 18 years of misery he caused you ...." Levy continued I was shocked HIS WHOLE LIFE IN JAIL !!!

I felt like crying but I can still visit him right ???

"But I can still visit him right?" I asked them now it was their turn to be shocked .

"Seriously why would you want to see him after all he has done to you ?" Gray asked while Cana slapped his head .

"Lucy your father deserves it it has to be punished for all these years no rather all your life of torturing you " gajeel said . I know they were right all along but I can't stop feeling guilty I wish he could change and become the loving father he once used to be .

I noticed they were trying to hide something and when I asked ....

"Okay guys what are you hiding you know I can see through you "

"You see lu-chan when your father ...." Levy started but stopped in mid sentence.

"When your father got charged in jail ......" Now it was lisanna's turn arghh can't they just finish their sentences.?!

"In jail for well forever ..." Gray

"He .... Umm .... He .... Couldn't take it so he ......."

"God gajeel can't you guys just finish this quickly I'm tired.!" I shouted in pure anger until erza spoke .

"What we are trying to say is that your father couldn't take it so he punched the guard in court and took his gun I think you can imagine what he did next ?....."

I bet he killed the judge and now he's on the louse .

"Luce your father killed himself he committed sucide  ....."

My tears fell one by one until a river leaked from my eyes why did he have to kill himself ? He didn't even let me the time to say goodbye or even see his face one last time why ...why???

I saw all the pity on their faces .i couldn't bare it anymore I asked them to leave me alone I don't want people to see me like this it's to painful to even bare with their looks of pity towards myself I'd rather have them leave then looking at it all day .

After what seemed like an eternity of crying I finally calmed down I heard in the news that his funeral will be held when I get discharged .

Now all I have to focus get better do I can go and see my father for the last time .

Well that's all for now diary I'll talk more tomorrow you know life in a hospital bed is such a burden I hate it.

Love Lucy heartfilia xxx