Dear diary ,

This morning I woke up and felt dizzy again oh did I mention that my arm hurts even more then my whole body I think it's getting worser each day .

I took a cold shower like always . I put my hair in a side pony tail with my outfit which was a pair of jeans and shirt with a simple cardigan I was ready to go without eating I don't have the appetite to eat since school Began which was 4 days ago I did eat once or twice but nothing more my hunger left me when Virgo died no more like got killed.

I saw my father sleeping on the couch with a bottle in his hand geez when will he stop this house stinks thanks to him !.

I went outside and waited at the gates normally my father won't wake up until 8 I had to meet up with natsu at 7 we took some hours off of school natsu told the principle that we had to a check up to do at the hospital so yeah here I am waiting for him to show up .

After 10 min of waiting he finally came "sorry Luce I slept in " he was so hot with his white trousers ,black shirt followed by a black and yellow skull jacket I couldn't stop starring at his features I think my fever is coming back I'll have to talk about it when we arrive at the hospital.

We arrived at our destination natsu talked with one of the receptionist I saw her nod and talk but like I was way back I couldn't hear them .natsu came back and made me sit he told me that after 28 clients it's my turn I nodded and leaned on my chair feeling the dizziness again I closed my eyes hoping for it to go away and after 2 or 3 minutes it was over I sighed and felt sleepy I think natsu saw me cause he suddenly took my head in his hands and placed my head on his shoulder .

He said "there you can sleep I'll wake you when it's your turn to go in " I thanked him and before I even knew it I felt in a deep slumber .

I opened my eyes to see everyone gone even natsu where Is everyone???

I walked where the receptionist was and to my surprise everyone left I started to freak out where is natsu ??

I walked near the operation room and saw a doctor I was glad some one was here at least.

I knocked and entered I asked "sorry sir but why is the patient room empty .?"

He didn't reply so I tapped his shoulder but ........ My hand went through him ????

I then noticed I'm invisible that's strange I went in front of him and saw his patient but I regretted it .

Righ here on the bed was me laying down and the doc doing an operation in my head I was seeing myself laying lifeless on the bed !!!!

I saw the doc shaking his head as In a no symbol ????

The door bursted open and to my surprise here in front of me natsu was standing with tears in his eyes ????

"Doc tell me it's not true she's gonna make it right ?" I saw how sad he was but the question is why he's like that .

"I'm sorry I tried all my best but her collusion worsen when we operated her in sorry but she's no longer with us ."

I saw natsu shaking like a leaf and tears were seen now I understood what was happening I died while I was in the E.R and natsu was breaking down I have to stop this I tried screaming but my voice was gone .

Natsu was screaming my name "Lucy!!!" "Lucy!!"

"Lucy" "lucy wake up "

I opened my eyes and saw natsu thanks goodness this was just a dream well a nightmare precisely.

"Come on Luce it's your turn " I nodded and went to the room natsu had to wait outside .

Once I entered I saw a women she must Be in her late 20's she seemed nice and gentle. She mentioned me to sit down while she asked me some questions about my health .i answered all of them .

I had to take my shirt off which I hesitated I didn't want to show my scars . But I had to do it and once I did I saw her eyes widened she asked me "where did those scars came from or rather who did that to you ?" So just like natsu I lied to her and told her I slipped on the ground with glass bottles .

She talked back "I know what 'accident' scars looks like and I can tell you those weren't done by yourself some one did it right you know Lucy you can tell me I can help you " I wanted to run away but  I have to face my fears that a thing natsu made me realize and beside that women is just trying to help me .

So I said "it's alright I had some accidents now and then at school nothing much I'm used to it hehe" she looked shocked but soon let the discussion go . We did all the things needed for the check up and now I was done ." Wait in that room with your boyfriend I'll be back with the results ."

My fever came back argh I forgot to tell her about it " umm miss I forgot too tell you umm you see these days I keep having a fever and I want to know what's the cause of it " she looked at me or rather stared at me "ok let's check this out so tell me when did you start to have a fever ?"

"I first had it when I was on the schools rooftop eating I was with this boy and he said something and that's when I had it then it kept coming every time I was around him when he hugged or even kissed my cheek and it came just right now when you said he was my boyfriend ."

I saw her laugh "sweetie why did you think that what you had is a head fever ?" I was confused but I answered " well because first because the weather isn't that hot in the evening and I feel my head burning ".

"Sweetie it's not a fever it's called blushing you know you blushed from embarrassment ".

"Why would I be embarrassed?" That's I replied seriously why would I be ?

"Honey tell me what do you think about that boy huh?" That was a hard question what do I think about natsu well ummmmm what sort of question is that ???!!!

"I think he's cute,kind,helpful and just amazing !!" I smiled when I thought of natsu .

"Ok I see well sweetie try and reconsider your feelings search them and you'll find your answer I can't help you for that but all I can say is stay with him and listen do your heart ." That's all she said before she left .

I was with natsu and we waited for her to come back with the results my hands in a fist I was so worried especially since I dreamed that I died what if the results were bad news I don't want my dream to come true well my death I can accept it but natsu's sadness I can't it's impossible I can't make him cry,sad and mostly I can't let him be like me .

She came back with s face that shows no emotions she mentioned for me to come alone that's what I wanted so that if the news are bad he won't be here to listen to them .

I followed her back in the check up room and sat on the chair "so Lucy here are the results I want you to know first then you can chose to tell your friend and family go on open it ". I opened the brown envelope that holds my result from all these dizziness I felt these days with my hands shaking I opened it but didn't understand maybe I didn't want to so I asked her "what does it mean ?"

"Lucy sweetie the results shows that you have a brain tumor " I couldn't move or utter a single word my world collapsed."h-how can it be ?"

"Well you see in the scan we saw that your skull had a bad fissure a crack of you prefer you must had that scar when you fell or when you received so thing on your head any way what ever it was you hurt your head badly and that made a collusion which with the time that passed that collusion grew into a tumor you were lucky you could've died from the collusion in the first place . Anyway your brain tumor like any other tumors have 4 stages and then it's over you are currently on stage 1 and right now we can heal it by operating you and take the tumor before it grows it's your choice you can wait to take a good decision but your soon to be on stage 2 and that's the max stage where we can help if your on stage 3 we might not be able to take it nor save you in time and since your tumor is developing really fast you have to take a quick decision come back when you decided or no even better call me here's my number make a call and I'll arrange a quick appointment for you ok ?".

I thanked her and was about to leave when I said "please don't tell natsu about it not even a word I don't to see him sad " she nodded and I left.

I saw natsu sitting down where I left him his arms on hi knees and hands on his face covering his eyes . I tapped his shoulder making him jump "Luce finally so what did the results say let me see" he tried to take the brown envelope away from my hands but failed ."don't worry it said since I don't eat much these days my body is a bit weak and I need a lots of rest see it's nothing serious are you relaxed now ?"

He nod and brought me back home we didn't want to go to school and besides in one hour it'll be over so what's the point of going for 1 h ????

We bid good bye and I entered I smelled a horrible smell of alcohol argh he must be drinking again I entered the living room to see my father gone hmmm he must be at the bar again I ate an apple bit that hungry but I have to live right ? Then I headed in my room I met happy and drifted to sleep with him in my arms .

That's all for today diary very tragic init we'll see you next time

Love Lucy heartfilia xxx