[ "TELL ME, LITTLE BOY, WHAT'S IT LIKE TO LIE" ]

[ "TELL ME, LITTLE BOY, WHAT'S IT LIKE TO DIE" ]

" Dear Brother,

I don't know who to write this to, so I'm writing to you. I know we haven't spoken in years, not since you left home and stopped replying back to my letters. I saw you sometimes at school with your friends and wanted so desperately to speak to you, but from now on, I won't be seeing you around anymore. Even if you hadn't graduated last spring and were still attending school, I wouldn't be seeing you at school.

That's why I'm writing this letter. I needed to know that I sent this to you. I know that you'll probably never open this letter and discard it, and maybe it's better that way than you actually reading this. Maybe it's better that you never know what truly happened to Regulus and me.

I'm currently seventeen. Regulus and mine's birthday is in a week yet neither of us are in any mood to celebrate.

I'm writing to you just so I could tell someone that I don't think I will reach that birthday. That neither Regulus or I will ever graduate Hogwarts and see our adults years.

You see, you were right about the Dark Lord, about our family, about everything. I was just too blinded by upholding the family's honor to see what you were trying to show me this entire time. I see it now. I wish I could run away like you did, to disappear in the world and not have to deal with all of this, but I have nowhere to run. The Dark Lord will always find me no matter how far I run. I can't escape from him now and neither can Regulus. We both took the Dark Mark when we were sixteen. We tried asking you if we could come to Potter's and celebrate Christmas with you, considering you live there now, but you refused to speak to us. Cousin Bella was there, you always did say she was going to be the first one that turns dark. She said she was so proud of me for joining the right cause as were mother and father. Regulus and I didn't feel pride in what we did, we only felt shame. We've never been the brave brothers to speak out and go against our family's values: that was your job. We both like to wonder that if you were still in the family how things could've turned out. Maybe Regulus and I would've never taken the mark. Maybe the three of us could've ran off together. Maybe all of us could be living in the United States and be apart of a muggle band (you use to speak so vibrantly about becoming a bassist). We could've done so much, but you decided to abandon us first.

Regulus and I have discovered one of the Dark Lord's secrets. An Unbreakable Vow prevents me from writing the exact words, but you can ask Kreacher. He knows a little.

We're going to do it tomorrow. We're going to act on our knowledge. I don't think I'll survive it and Regulus probably won't either, but I want to have hope that one of us will survive.
Kreacher almost didn't the first time and I felt bad for allowing the Dark Lord to use him as such. But it has to be done. We want the Dark Lord finished. The things he's done, oh Ori, the things I've done. He needs to be stopped.

Regulus and I are going to die tomorrow.

It's an odd thought to have dancing around in my head yet I know it must be done. I'm not scared, at least I don't think I am. I just feel slightly sad. I'm not going to reach eighteen. I'm not going to finish Hogwarts. I'm not going to get married and have a family. I'm not going to be able to be an uncle to your future children. I'm never going to be able to fix the bond between us. You'll probably be in shock to read this considering your reputation, but I'm going to die without having ever properly snogging a girl. I suppose I'll be scared tomorrow when it comes time to finally do this; when Regulus and I actually get there and the severity of the situation finally sets in. I just needed to tell someone and get this off of my chest. I don't even know if you'll ever find this letter.

This is awfully brave and noble of me, isn't it? Almost as if I had some Gryffindor qualities within me. I never told anyone why the hat took longer to sort me than it did to Regulus; I told mother it was because the hat couldn't stop speaking highly of the Black family when Regulus brought it up at Christmas dinner. I guess you'll be the first person to know that the hat actually wanted to place me in Hufflepuff at first. The hat said that my undying loyalty to our family is what sets me apart from you and Regulus, but it also told me that it'll be my downfall. I never took its words seriously, I laughed and told it that I would burn and rip it to pieces if it didn't place me in Slytherin so my mother wouldn't kill me. I should've listened. The most important reason why I am doing this is because I want a better future for your children. I'm doing this to protect Narcissa from any further abuse, to maybe help Bellatrix gain her sanity back, to ensure Andromeda and her unborn child's safety, to make sure he doesn't try to kill Kreacher again and to hopefully end the tyrannical ways of purebloods. I'm doing this to stop the murder of muggle-born families. I guess my selfish reasons could be mistaken as loyalty for my family; however, if I could see a way out, I would pull a Slytherin and take it. Unfortunately, there isn't a way out. Not for me and not for Regulus. All of my so-called friends are devoted servants of the Dark Lord and would never lift a finger to help me with this. And I can't turn to you since you probably are still stuck on the ridiculous notion of hating me. If I had any idea where you were, I'd come and find you, to give you this letter in person and say my last goodbyes, but there isn't any time. If I was caught talking to you, my punishment from the Dark Lord for consorting with blood-traitors would be worse than death. Far worse.

If you do happen to read this, can you do me a favor? Buy beautiful red geraniums and rest them upon Mary MacDonald's grave every year on April 6th: that was the day we went out on our first secret date. You're probably in shock after reading that especially because Mary was a muggle-born and in Gryffindor. Mary and I had a special bond between us, she knew everything about me even the mark that is craved into my left forearm. She took me as who I was and loved me with all her heart. I have many regrets in my life, but not being able to save her is my worst. She's another reason why I'm doing this because she deserved so much more in life, but it was so cruelly ripped away from her before she could even graze it with her fingertips.

So, this is good-bye, Sirius Orion Black. I know it's been so long, but you've always been my older brother and I've always loved you. You think that we all hated you, but it was the exact opposite. You hated all of us while we only tried to give you our love. I just hope that your fate is happier than mine.

Ave atque vale, brother.

- R. A. B. "

[ "TELL ME, LITTLE BOY, WHAT'S IT LIKE TO ACHE" ]

[ "TELL ME, LITTLE BOY, WHAT'S IT LIKE TO BREAK" ]