CHAPTER FOUR | NIGHTINGALE

"How very little can be done under the spirit of fear."

~ Florence Nightingale

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There is one thing about the human brain that Rigel Black could never fully understand: the fight or flight instinct. People register their reactions towards fear and stress in such different varieties that it amazes him that it can be simplified to a fight or flight action; some people flee from the situation, others react angrily to it and try to fight it while the rest just end up freezing on the spot. Unfortunately, Rigel knows that he is a part of the people who freeze on the spot. At the thought of Christmas quickly approaching, the urge to curl up and hide gets stronger yet he knows he cannot hide away from what he has been destined to join since the day he was born. His grey eyes follow the movement of a flock of nightingales flying through the cloudy sky. Nightingales are beautiful creatures who emit beautiful songs, but he could never understand why they symbolize immortality. Who would want to live forever? They would watch as all of their loved ones die. They would watch as wars break out and innocent people are caught in the crossfire. They would watch as leaders rise and fall. Rigel honestly does not want to live forever. The thought of death brings a peaceful feeling to him, knowing that there is a place in the afterlife where he can relax. A place where people get along and there are no wars. Rigel yearns for peace in his time, but that can never be accomplished with his family. He briefly wonders what would happen if the Black family died. What if all the blood purity families get wiped out? Maybe then muggles and muggle-borns would be able to live in peace. Mary would be able to live in peace. Rigel calmly takes his wand out and holds it gently in his hands as he gazes at it. It would take one spell to change the course of the future. Would he be able to do it? Can he find the willpower to murder his family and other families in order to save the love of his life? Can he turn his freezing reaction into a fight one?

"Rigel?" He flinches and turns to see Mary staring at him with a frown plastered on her face. He places his wand back into his pocket and waves in greeting at her. "What's wrong?" She takes the seat next to him and gently grabs his hand. He smiles bitterly, lifting their joint hands to point at the withering flowers the nightingales are flying over.

"Do you know why the flowers don't bloom?" She shakes her head no. "Because sometimes," Rigel whispers as he gazes at the flowers that never got the chance to bloom, "the best thing a flower can do for us, is to die." The images of green light and bodies dropping flash across his mind. She blinks in surprise at his dark words, her eyes filling with worry at his odd behavior. The more Christmas approaches, the more odd Rigel begins to act. She knows within her heart something horrible is destined to happen on December 25 this year, and she wishes Rigel would let her bore the burden with him of knowing. She goes to say something when he abruptly turns to her with a certain gleam in his eyes that she has never seen before. A gleam that will continue to haunt her in her dreams because of how lifeless it is. "I want you to know that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I'm so sorry for whatever happens in the future." He takes her face in his hands and gently strokes her cheeks with his thumbs. She reaches up and softly caresses his hands. The words startle her a little bit because of how desperate he seems to be for her to know he is sorry for something that has yet to occur. 

"Tell me what's wrong." She pleads, a frown overcoming her face at the sight of him suffering. He leans down and plants a gentle kiss on her forehead. He lingers there for a moment as his thoughts and heart fight each other. He could tell her every dark thought crossing his mind and tell her about what is going to happen on Christmas. He could make her hate him now so he would not have to worry about doing that later. He shuts his eyes, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her in close. He decides to not do any of that. He would rather have these precious moments with her until Christmas comes.

"I can't." He whispers. She slowly nods her head while realizing this is one burden she could not share. Rigel soaks in her scent, trying to memorize every little detail about the woman he loves before his life goes to crap. "Mary, you are my happy ending that is only found in storybooks." He pulls slightly back to kiss her passionately. She feverishly returns his kiss. 

As much as Rigel hates to admit it and wishes it to be different, the hat was right. He is too loyal to his family. 

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Rigel finds it hard to focus in potions class that day. His grey eyes stare blankly at the wall behind Professor Slughorn. They would be leaving for Christmas break in a few days. In a few days, his entire life will change. He feels a nudge and glances to his side at Laura Zabini. There is a hint of confusion and concern in her narrowed gaze towards him. He calmly shakes his head, silently telling her that right now is not the time to talk. He turns away from her and locks his eyes with Mulciber.  Mulciber raises an eyebrow with an 'I know something is wrong and we will talk later' look on his face. Rigel holds back a groan before nodding his head. "I see that I have lost some of you during this lesson," Professor Slughorn chuckles. "We still have a long time in this class so why not a friendly competition?" Rigel perks up, excitement coursing through him at those words. Professor Slughorn notices and smiles even wider. "We have been learning about moonstone and its properties within potions. I want you to create the Draught of Peace potion that uses moonstone. What is the Draught of Peace?" Professor Slughorn points at one of the Ravenclaws. "Mr. Lovegood."

"It is a potion that calms anxiety and soothes agitation." Lovegood answers. 

"Yes! Ten points to Ravenclaw. Now, you need to be careful because you could put someone in an irreversible sleep. Your potion should be white at the end if you do it correctly. The directions are on the board, get to making!" Professor Slughorn claps his hands. Rigel glances at the board and quickly reads through the directions before heading to the cabinet to get the ingredient. He heads back to his station and starts making the potion. He adds the powdered moonstone until the potion turns green. He stirs until it turns blue. He adds more powdered moonstone until it turns purple and then lets it simmer until a pink color appears. He adds a few drops of syrup of hellebore and the potion becomes a turquoise. 

"I hate this," Laura grumbles, "it's the same steps over and over again until we get a certain color." She drops the syrup of hellebore into her potion and groans more when it becomes a dark blue color instead of turquoise. 

"Maybe try doing one drop at a time instead of adding a bunch at once." Rigel snorts at her angry expression. "This is why your metamorphmagus potion isn't turning out right." She shoots him a glare while viciously cleaning her potion to restart the process. Rigel turns back to his, seeing the turquoise turning into a nice purple. He shakes up the powdered porcupine quills and slowly adds it, stopping when the potion becomes a red color. He then stirs the contents until the potion becomes an orange. He adds more powdered porcupine quills until it turns back into turquoise and then lets it simmer. He has to wait for the potion to turn purple again. He hears the frustrated sigh emitting from Laura. The potion turns purple and he immediately adds the powdered unicorn horn, turning the potion pink. He stirs his potion until the pink becomes red and lets it simmer. 

"My arm hurts from stirring," Laura blows the hair in her face away as she frowns. 

"Do you need me to do it for you?" Rigel jokingly asks. Laura seems to actually be thinking about letting him take over. Once it becomes purple, he adds more powdered moonstone until the potion turns grey. He then lets it simmer again and Laura slyly hands him her spoon. He rolls his eyes at her but helps with the stirring. He stops helping her and goes back to his potion when it turns into an orange. He adds more powdered porcupine quills until it becomes white. He stirs counterclockwise three times, lets it simmer for seven minutes, and then adds seven drops of hellebore. He grins, staring at his potion that is the correct color. He glances around at the other students' potions and notices that many are struggling to get it the right color. He pours a bit of potion into a vial and takes it up to Professor Slughorn. 

"Wonderful, Mr. Rigel Black is the first one to successfully complete the Draught of Peace." Professor Slughorn happily pats Rigel's back. "Since you won the friendly competition, you get a prize." Everyone watches in curiosity at what the prize could be. He pulls out a glass vial full of molten gold liquid. "This is Felix Felicis, also known as liquid luck. The drinker has a limited period of good luck where they will succeed in most endeavors." Professor Slughorn leans in close with a twinkle in his eye. "Use it wisely and sparingly." Rigel nods, accepting the prize. He stares at the liquid and his thoughts drift to Mary. 

Maybe he can use this to have a perfect day with her.

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Defense Against the Dark Arts was worse than usual. Rigel can see the anger and disgust in Professor Pendragon's steel-blue eyes today. He holds back a groan, knowing that whatever lesson they will be learning today will be a rough one. "Hello, class." The class greets him back beside the Black twins and Mulciber. Pendragon grins at his students, and Rigel did not like that grin. There is a sadistic feeling to it. "Today, we will be learning about boggarts. Who can tell me about them?" A few hands shoot up in the hand, eager to answer the question to get on the professor's good side - mostly girls. "Regulus, what is a boggart?" Pendragon calls on. 

"A boggart is amortal shape-shifter. No one truly knows what they look like because boggarts take on the form of the observer's greatest fear." Regulus answers.

"Rigel, do you know how one gets rid of boggarts?" Pendragon calls on the other twin. Rigel has a bad feeling about getting called on. 

"There's a few ways. You can team up with someone else which will confuse the boggart. It won't be able to decide which fear to take the form of. There is also a banishing spell that makes the boggart take the form of what the observer finds humorous." He replies, picking the skin on his finger off. 

"Twenty points to Slytherin. All of that information is correct. Boggarts are very tricky things, and there are dark wizards out there who would use them against you. Today, each of you will be going up against the boggart in this cabinet," Pendragon rips the cloth that was covering up a large cabinet. The doors to the cabinet shake violently as the boggart tries to escape. "I will be putting everyone in the line. Black twins, I want you at the front of the line since you answered my questions." Rigel and Regulus exchange a glance, knowing there was a deeper meaning to him wanting them upfront. "Now the spell is called Riddikulus, repeat after me, Riddikulus." 

"Riddikulus!" The class repeats. 

"Point your wand at the boggart, say Riddikulus, and make sure you are thinking hard about what humors you. As always, there is a chance this spell will fail. When that happens, I will jump in front of you and cast the spell myself. Is everyone ready?" Pendragon explains and inquires as his hands rest on the shaking doors. Rigel glances behind him to see that all the Slytherins were in front of the Ravenclaws. He furrows his eyebrows while his suspicions that Pendragon is using this as a way to learn about the Slytherins' weaknesses furthers. Some of the Ravenclaws seem to be thinking the same thing since they are staring at their professor in astonishment at the blatant action. "Wands at ready and begin!" He rips open the door and Regulus's greatest fear is seen in the class. Rigel blinks in surprise at seeing Sirius stepping out of the cabinet. The boggart Sirius sneers at Regulus, clear hatred shining in his eyes. 

"I have always hated you. You were a no-good mommy's boy. I was overjoyed when I realized I never had to see your stupid face at school." Boggart Sirius grins darkly. 

"Riddikulus!" Regulus shouts, his face red in anger and probably embarrassment. Boggart Sirius spins and turns into a version of their mom wearing muggle clothing. 

"Next!" Pendragon shouts. Rigel has barely any time to think before Regulus goes to the back of the line, and he is pushed forward. He wonders what form his fear will take. The boggart spins for a moment and then, a darker version of himself appears. The class mutters in confusion that his boggart is himself.

"You're pathetic." The words cut into his heart more than he would have liked. "She is dead because of you. You killed her." The boggart Rigel grins, his teeth stained in blood. Rigel thinks about the funniest moment in his life. "You betrayed her-" The boggart Rigel says while starting to lift his left sleeve.

"Riddikulus!" Rigel cuts off the boggart. He watches as boggart Rigel transforms into Evan wearing a dress with make-up and his nails done. Rigel cracks a smile, remembering when Mulciber pulled this prank on Evan last year. He quickly walks to the back of the line where Regulus is. 

"Are you okay?" Regulus quietly asks since he is one of the few people in the room who understood the meaning behind the boggart going to lift the left sleeve. 

"I'm not looking forward to Christmas." Is the only thing Rigel says before they fall into an uneasy silence.

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"Hello, Remus." Rigel greets the Gryffindor tutor as they both sit in the Transfiguration classroom for their tutoring sessions. 

"Hello, Rigel." Remus smiles at the younger boy with a hint of pity in his brown eyes. Rigel hates it when Remus looks at him in pity because he knows Sirius must have said something bad about him to them again.  "Who are you tutoring today?"

"No idea actually," Rigel states, "I just know that I am supposed to help them with vanishment." He gets out his notes on the vanishing spell. 

"Vanishing was my favorite part of my fifth year. I'm tutoring Dirk Cresswell on human transfiguration." Remus seems a little annoyed when he says Cresswell's name. 

"Not a fan of the Hufflepuff?" Rigel inquires, carefully observing Remus's reaction.

"He started a rumor that I gave myself my scars for attention," Remus grumbles. Rigel narrows his eyes in anger. He does not understand why people attack others because of their appearances. It is not like people can control how they look. 

"Well, he is going to regret that." Rigel states as a dark grin grace his face. Remus stares at the smile with a bit of nervousness which Rigel notices. "Don't worry, I'm not going to kill him. Just wait for dinner."

"You don't have to, this was back in the first year." Remus comments. 

"I just need an excuse to prank him," Rigel shrugs, and then the people they have to tutor walk in. Dirk scrunches his nose up at the sight of Remus as Mulciber waltz towards Rigel. 

"Hello, tutor." He plops into the chair next to Rigel and smirks at him.

"I'm tutoring you today," Rigel groans in annoyance. Mulciber is a horrible student who barely pays attention and does not care enough to do well meaning this tutoring session is not going to go well. 

"This is going to be fun," Mulciber cheers. 

"How do you feel about a prank?" Rigel questions quietly. Mulciber leans in closer and Rigel gestures towards Dirk.

"I'm in." The two high-five before going over the vanishing spell. 

"How dumb are you? It's Evanesco, not whatever you just said!"

"I'm saying it right, Evanasko!"

"No!"

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That night at dinner, Rigel keeps glancing at the Hufflepuff table. Regulus picks up on Rigel and Mulciber's strange behavior and glances over at the table. "What did you two do?" He asks. Evan and Wilkes stop their conservation about how looney Lovegood is and face the fifth years. 

"You both have that mischievous look on your faces," Evan gestures between Rigel and Mulciber. 

"What did you do?" Wilkes leans towards them with an excited grin on his face. 

"Watch and see," Mulciber winks.

"We're just decided to teach Cresswell a lesson," Rigel shrugs while scooping up some pudding, "to not be a dick." Now this catches the attention of the other Slytherins sitting around them. None of them understood why Cresswell got into Hufflepuff because he frequently bullies other students. 

"What are you doing to my brother?" Rigel turns to see Monte and Cindy standing there with their little doe-like eyes staring at him. 

"It won't harm him, it's just a little something to spook him since he wants to bully people with scars," Rigel explains, praying that Monte does not go over and tells his brother that they are about to pull a prank on him. 

"Good, he's mean at home too." Monte comments and wiggles in between Regulus and Rigel to sit next to Rigel. Cindy blushes as Regulus moves over so she can sit next to Monte. "He told me that I'm a no-good snake and that our parents hate me." Rigel is glad that they are pranking Cresswell even more. Mulciber and Rigel grin when the owls come swooping in and one heads to Dirk. They watch with bated breath as Dirk opens his letter. An explosion is heard and everyone in the great hall turns to face the Hufflepuff table. Everyone gasps when they see the smoke clear and Dirk is revealed. Dirk gazes at everyone in confusion as they erupt into laughter. One of his friends hands over an empty plate so Dirk can see his reflection. Dirk's once brown and luscious hair, is now a puke green and has awkward cuts in it. The white of his eyes is now purple while his iris is a mixture of red and purple. A strange rash that resembles scars covers his face. Dirk screams and runs out of the great hall. 

"Now he won't make fun of people's appearances." Rigel and Mulciber high-five. 

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Rigel and Regulus merely stare at one another. No words were being spoken as the two debate on what to say. They both have their issues with the other and are unsure how to communicate those issues without it seeming like an attack. Evan, Wilkes, and Mulciber are on the other side of their dorm room playing gobstones. "Christmas is coming up soon." Regulus states. Rigel hums. "Can you explain your boggart to me?" Regulus asks. Rigel does not know if he should say what his boggart means or if he should leave the conversation. 

"I'm scared of becoming someone I'm not." Rigel finally says, picking at the hang nails on his fingers. 

"You cannot back out of this, this is our destiny." Regulus leans forward and grabs Rigel's hands.

"Maybe it's yours considering when I look at you, I don't see my twin anymore. I see an obedient servant, a blood purist, and someone full of darkness." Rigel rips his hands out of Regulus's grip. "I don't want this to be my destiny. I cannot turn into you." 

"You're going to have to if you want to keep Mary safe." Rigel stares at his brother in horror. "Do you think I'm dumb? Do you think they are dumb? We see how you two look at each other. We have seen how you two interact. She is a target," Regulus's grey eyes become dark like a storm, "and if you make one wrong move, she will be killed." Regulus stands up and brushes his clothes off. "Lovely chat, Riggie." Rigel's breathing quickens at the mere thought of them hurting Mary. He stares down at his clasps hands and realizes something.

He really cannot escape his destiny. 

[ "You are searching for something - a story, perhaps, or a treasure - or maybe you are searching for someone that you've lost." ]