CHAPTER EIGHT | CRANE

"He had those kind eyes that shone with the light of 'everything will be ok'."

- atticus

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Rigel A. Black knows something is wrong with him. His whole body feels like lead with every step he takes. The thoughts in his head swirl and swirl around until they become one jumbled mess. He rethinks his life and the choices he's made on the way. Taking the mark on Christmas has truly been the worst decision of his life. He should've fought, he should've refused, he should've fled. But who would've helped him? Sirius hates him. The other houses do not trust any Slytherin and all the Slytherins are Dark Lord supporters. He would've been completely and utterly alone. He sucks in a deep breath and leans a hand against the wall next to him in order to steady himself. Is it normal to feel your heartbeat throughout your body? Is it normal to feel this deep, withering pain in your heart? A soft cry emits from his throat. He is in desperate need of a time turner. He needs to turn back time and not step foot onto that train going home. Would things be different now? Or would Mary and Cindy still be murdered to further the Dark Lord's plans? Maybe they were always apart of the plan. Rigel's closeness with them was just not a factor to consider. He forces himself to his feet, walking towards the Great Hall. He is not ready to face everyone's accusing looks when he walks in. Who else would the other houses suspect? It was clear that a Slytherin had murdered the girls. It happened in the walls of a school people thought was safe—how utterly wrong were they. There is nothing safe about Hogwarts. Death, sadness, and anger encompasses every hallway, every staircase, and every floor tile of this school. There is no escaping these feelings. Rigel pushes the doors open and his body freezes. No one is looking at him. All of them are staring in horror at the newspapers in their hands. People are crying into their friend's' shoulders, whispering how unfair this world is. Rigel agrees with the whispers. How fair is it that he gets to stand here, alive and breathing while Mary's body is being sent to her parents right now—along with her sister's. 'One step at a time,' Rigle repeats to himself while heading to his table. He sits down and leans over, yanking the prophet out of the hands of the younger year. The younger year boy goes to protest before his voice catches in his throat at the sight of how...lifeless Rigel seems. The Boy scoots closer to his friends, shooting weird looks at Rigel. Rigel ignores him since he has more urgent matters on his mind.

He feels numb as he sees the headline on the Daily Prophet. He sees the moving pictures of Mary and Cindy, smiling and laughing, their picture forms so full of the life that was cruelly taken away. He stares emptily at the paper in front of him, his eyes tracing the smile lines on Mary's face and the dimple on Cindy's left cheek. 'Somewhere in the multiverse, she is still alive and with me.' He regrets not doing more that night. He could have fought all the death eaters there. What do they know about hand to hand combat? Probably nothing since they rely on their wands. He could have disarmed them and then taken them down. If only he knew how to apparate, he could have taken the girls to a safer location. He wishes Mary listened to him in that field. They would be alive and safe right now. A hand gently touches his shoulder and he jolts out of his thoughts. A glare hardens onto his face when he locks eyes with Regulus. He can never forgive his twin for everything that has happened. There is too much bad blood between them now.

"Don't," Rigel whispers, "don't act like you care now."

"That's not fair, I've always cared." Regulus shots back. "I tried hiding it from you so you wouldn't be there in their last moments. You didn't deserve that." Rigel closes his eyes and his grip on the paper tightens. The look of acceptance in Mary's eyes will forever haunt him. She wasn't afraid of death. She embraced it like an old friend, but she never was suppose to meet death that early. They should have met when she was old and gray, withering away on a bed surrounded by her children and grandchildren. "The boys and I wiped the memories of the others, they don't remember us being there. They only know they killed the girls and partied afterwards." Regulus carefully sits next to Rigel whose body is trembling. "The Dark Lord will never find out about..."

"My weakness," Rigel finishes the sentence. He opens his eyes and turns to face Regulus completely. Regulus freezes, not recognizing the boy before him. The eyes that were once full of mirth have now frozen over. "He knew, Regulus. That's why he ordered them to kill her and her sister. He wanted to break me," he glances up to see his owl flying towards him with a letter, "he succeeded." The owl lands in front of the duo. Rigel reaches over, silently taking the letter and stuffing it into his pocket. He feeds his owl a small treat before it flies away.

"Who wrote you?" Regulus curiously asks.

"None of your business." Rigel stands up and begins to walk away when Regulus quickly grabs his sleeve to stop him in his tracks. An unsettling pause settles around the two as they stare at each other. One pleading for forgiveness and to be let in, the other refusing and trying to sink further into himself.

"Please don't push me out." Regulus mumbles. He is aware of people starting to look over at them. The Great Hall is definitely not the correct place to have intimate moments with someone.

"It's too late for that." Rigel yanks his arm out Regulus's hand and briskly walks away. Regulus watches his fading figure with sadness.

"He's never going to be the same." Evan mumbles, sadly watching his friend. The two have always been close but the trust between them has been broken. Wilkes and Mulciber

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Rigel silently enters his dormitory. After making sure no one is in there with him, he slides down the wall and hastily takes the letter out. His eyes swipe across the writing on the envelope.

Chocolate. One word is written across the envelope in a fluid sweep. His mind immediately clicks as he realizes that Remus is using a code name. His hands shakily open the envelope, his breath hitching as he slowly pulls out the letter.

'Dear Chocolate,

I do not know the full story about your life, but I do know one thing. You are a good person. I saw it everyday as we tutored people. I saw it in the hallways when you would help people up after the other Slytherins tripped them. I saw it whenever you looked at someone with kindness in your eyes. No matter what happens in life, you being a good person is one thing I am absolute certain about. I wish he would reply back to you. I know he wants to but he still is unsure of who you are. To him, you're just apart of the family that turned their backs on him. I'm sorry for how things have ended up between you two. I try to talk to him about meeting up with you and talking everything out. He refuses. The trauma that your parents caused made much deeper wounds than any of us realized. I am unsure if he will ever fully heal from them. Until he is able to, I'm afraid that you'll never get a response back.

Whatever has happened, it is never too late to turn back. You still have time to change your life. Don't waste the time away because you think nothing matters anymore. I may not be him but I'm always here if you need to talk.

Sincerely,
Chocolatier'

Tears slide down Rigel's cheeks as he chokes out a sob. The warmth he needed from Sirius has instead come from Remus. He throws the letter down on the ground and yanks his wand out, pointing it at the letter and mumbling, "Incendio." The letter lights up in flames. He watches it burn for a moment. He imagines Sirius ignoring his letter and Remus begging Sirius to reply. He imagines the hatred in Sirius's eyes as he probably cursed Rigel's name. He imagines how the hatred faded into sadness and disappointment because in the end, the brothers failed each other. Rigel did not protect Sirius like he should have at home. He should have stood up to their parents more. He should have left with Sirius that night; but Sirius failed Rigel too. He left Rigel alone in an abusive household. He ignored Rigel at school. He threw away all of Rigel's letters. Sirius never attempted to reach out to connect with Rigel after leaving home. Rigel did. Rigel reached out as much as he could yet all of his attempts were rejected. Rigel does not feel anything. His entire being is just...hollow.

He slowly reaches his hand and holds it above the fire. The flames lick his palm and for the first time that day, he felt something.

Pain.

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Regulus has many regrets in his life. He regretted snitching on Sirius whenever he would do something bad. He regretted never reaching out to Sirius like Rigel often did. He regretted joining his specific group of friends. All of them are going to go down because they are friends with a Black.

He is going down because his last name is Black.

He was taught his entire life how the Black family is pure and proud, that they will never taint their bloodline with half-bloods or muggle-borns or even muggles; that family is above all else in this world; that he needs to bring pride to the Black name; that he needs to protect his family at all costs. He thought he has followed everything he has been taught. He never mingled with those of lesser blood. He aced all his exams and classes, being near the top of his class—only one spot behind Rigel. He protected Rigel from any bullied which included their older brother. He joined the Dark Lord to make his parents proud. That's all he ever wanted—to see the proud gleam in his parents' eyes. That gleam never came despite everything he did. He tried protecting Rigel from the murder plan. He knew the devastating impact it would have on Rigel. He never expected how lifeless Rigel would become.

Regulus watches his twin from across the Slytherin common room in worry. Rigel is sitting by the window, staring emptily out at the Black Lake. "He's still not talking to anyone?" Evan questions as he sits next to Regulus. Evan and Rigel have always been close. Wilkes and Mulciber stop their game of gobstones to turn to look at Rigel. The two of them were the least sympathetic because they did not like the MacDonalds, but they still felt empathy for their friend for losing his love.

"He's get back on his feet soon." Wilkes mumbles. "He has to or else the Dark Lord is going to kill them."

"He's a Black, the Dark Lord won't kill one of his most loyal followers." Mulciber rolls his eyes. "Once Rigel dips his dick into someone else, he'll be fine." Evan and Regulus glance at each other, knowing how untrue that is. Mary was Rigel's soulmate and there will most likely never be another girl.

Rigel is also not a loyal follower and has never been—they just pray he does not do anything stupid.

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Of course, Rigel did have to do something dumb. There is only one person in the world that the Dark Lord is fearful of and Rigel had to go see him. Late at night, Rigel slips out of his common room and heads to the faculty tower. He performs the disillusionment spell on himself to avoid detection by the portraits and Prefects. He eventually is able to make it all the way to the entrance on the third floor. He stands in front of the gargoyle statue concealing the moving staircase. He removes the spell and sighs.

"Please, I need to see the headmaster now. It's urgent." Rigel pleads but the gargoyle does not move. He groans, running a hand through his hair. "I do not have time to play games. Let me see the damn headmaster!"

"Mr. Black," Rigel jumps and turns to see Dumbledore approaching him with a knowing look on his face, "I quite like chocolate frogs." Rigel sighs and turns to the gargoyle, mumbling chocolate frogs. The gargoyle opens to reveal the staircase. Dumbledore begins his ascend upwards with Rigel following close behind. "Would you like a lemon drop?" He holds out a bowl of the candy towards the young boy. Rigel shakes his head. "What can I help you with, Mr. Black?"

"I need help," he croaks out and lifts his left sleeve to reveal the mark. He expects a reaction from the headmaster, but he only hums.

"I cannot help you hide. He has branded you and can know where you are at any moment in time." Dumbledore softly speaks. "No spells will protect you from him."

"If you can't help me, then let me help you." Rigel states. "I have done so many things that I regret. I have done things just to make my family proud and I am done. I need to redeem myself." Dumbledore searches his eyes for any lies. "Let me help." Rigel pleads, "I need to do this. For Mary. For Cindy. For everyone that I've hurt."

"Can you protect your mind from him?" Dumbledore finally asks while unwrapping a lemon drop and plopping one in his mouth.

"Teach me." Rigel demands. "I learn quick."

"There is a group called the Order that has been fighting against Voldemort," Rigle flinches a bit, "for quite some time. Are you willing to become a spy?" Dumbledore observes the boy with slight amusement.

"I'm willing to do anything." Rigel admits.

"You can be an asset for the Order by gathering knowledge about his plans, but no one can ever know about your involvement. Not even your brothers." And that is the hard truth—for no one will ever know the things Rigel did to help the Order of Phoenix because both men took the secrets to their graves. "Are you ready to risk your life to help us?"

"I'm ready."

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The twins' sixth year comes to an end fairly quickly. The months moved by in a blur. Rigel is still icy with Regulus and his friends. Evan and Wilkes will be leaving Hogwarts forever. The other three still have one more heat left of schooling. Deep within Rigel's heart, there is a giant hole from their betrayal. Rigel has undergone various lessons with Dumbledore concerning legilimency—the art of penetrating one's mind. He can now protect his thoughts from others to near perfection. He slips one from time to time when Dumbledore mentions Sirius. Rigel prays the the Dark Lord never brings up his older brother near him.

A knock sounds on his door, and he turns to see Euphemia Rowle standing there. "I was told to come invite you to your own birthday celebration." She comments and strolls toward him. She has turned thirteen and is entering her third year of schooling. The two ignored each other at school yet they are still arranged to marry once she graduates Hogwarts. Rigel sighs, standing up from his chair and holding his arm out to her. She links her arm through his. "Why don't you want to celebrate turning seventeen?" She curiously asks.

"It's not about the age I'm turning. I'm just not in the mood to celebrate." He answers as the two make their way downstairs. He carefully views the various eyes staring straight at the duo. A fake smile plasters its way onto his face. Everyone here needs to continue to trust him for the plan to work properly.

"Rigel!" The Dark Lord smiles, holding his hand out. "I brought you a gift for your birthday." Rigel and Euphemia approach the table. He moves the chair out, allowing her to sit before pushing it back in. He sits next to her which happens to be next to Regulus as well. He tries to ignore Regulus and focuses on the Dark Lord. Bellatrix leans forward over the table and excitingly takes Rigel's hands.

"You're going to love it!" She cackles. Rigel does not like that statement at all since it is coming from his crazy cousin. He looks over to see Narcissa sitting next to Lucius. She briefly smiles at him before it falls from her face as her husband turns to talk to her. The Dark Lord claps his hands and two servants dressed in dark robes enter, holding two cranes in their hands. Rigel furrows his eyebrows and looks at Regulus to see the same confusion on his face as well.

"Cranes are an interesting animal. They represent protection." Severus Snaps, one of the servants holding the cranes, states. "They are
magical creatures whose blood can be utilized to keep the individual who drinks the blood alive."

"I offer you a second chance at life if you ever find yourselves in a near death situation." The Dark Lord smiles cruelly before gesturing towards the cranes and suddenly, the cranes' necks are slit open. Rigel watches in shock as their blood is collected into two vials. Severus hands the twins a vial each. Rigel shakily grabs it, holding it gently in his hands as his eyes stay locked onto the dead cranes. 'Cranes represent protection yet two were just killed in our name...does that nullify the protection for us?' He turns the vial over and observes how the blood moves. "I have to ensure that my most loyal followers are always protected." Rigel looks up and locks eyes with the Dark Lord. For a moment, he feels a sharp pain in his head and he fights it off easily. He sees the Dark Lord's eyebrow raise before falling again.

Rigel feels like he either just made a mistake that will lead to the Dark Lord not trusting him or maybe the Dark Lord will recognize how adept at magic Rigel is and trust him now. 

[ "has no one ever told you just how lovely life is?" ]