WARNING
This letter deals with sensitive matters. Such as:
Physical Abuse
Emotional Abuse
Sexual Abuse
Self Harm
Suicide Ideations
Please proceed with caution!

Dear Boo,

I want to say you are an AMAZING person. Anyone who is willing to do this is obviously a gorgeous angel and I want to thank you so so much!

You can call me Grace*.

I just started cutting myself.
I’m pretty sure I’m depressed.
I hate myself.
I was abused for five years.

My younger brothers’ dad (let’s call him Snake*) who is in his 50’s, was abusive towards my family for 5 years, and we left 2 years ago. I’m probably being stupid, but for some reason, I feel depressed now.

I loved Snake* as a step dad but he was emotionally and physically abusive towards me, Mum, and my 3 younger brothers. Snake also sexually abused me during those 5 years. I am now 13, turning 14 and life feels like way too much. And it’s even more difficult because he’s definitely not going to jail or anything for it.

Every time I think of myself I remember what Snake* would do, what he would say, how he would act.

I feel so lost and lonely right now, and I feel selfish for being alive. I feel like I must be f*cked up in the head, and I just want to kill myself sometimes. But that would be selfish, and I’m already too selfish.

I started cutting to relieve the pain, the awfulness of the memories of him. I want to talk to Mum about everything, including the cutting, but it seems so hard, and I don’t want her to be sad. She would totally understand, as she was abused as a child way worse than me. But that’s the thing. Other than the fact she gave birth to me, I feel silly, because her problems have been way worse and it makes me feel sorta insignificant. I keep a diary, and while that helps a bit, I feel like it isn’t enough. I’m seeing a therapist soon too, because Mum knows about the sexual abuse, though appointments will be hard because my mum can’t drive just yet.

Sometimes I just want to die.
I don’t know what to do, life seems so pointless and gray right now, and the pain is always there. Why is life so hard to deal with right now? Why do I feel so lost when I think about Snake* and everything?

Thanks for listening to me rant.
You are awesome.
🤗
❤️❤️

-Grace

🎠🎠🎠🎠🎠🎠🎠🎠🎠🎠🎠

Dear Grace*,

Thank you for your kind words about me, I appreciate every word and take it to heart. Also, thanks for writing to me about these issues.

The first thing I wanna say to you doll is this, you are not selfish! What makes you feel selfish for being alive? Honey, you're meant to live your life. You suffered a horrible, terrible ordeal which no one should ever have to go through.

Okay, you're 13, Snake* left two years ago when you was 11. He abused you 5 years old. So from the age 6 until 11, he not only abused you emotionally and physically but he sexually molested. He is the one who should not be alive! I don't wish death upon anyone, except child molesters. I think that is the most inhumane thing anyone can do.

There is too much free 🐈🐱 in this world for anyone to touch a child!!

I think you're feeling depressed now because your mind is finally coming to terms with what he did. The brain is a fascinating organ, it can block things out until later in our lives.

Cutting yourself is very dangerous sweetie. All it takes is one wrong cut, one deep cup and there is no coming back from that. I know this helps with emotional pain, but there are other options.

Seeing a therapist is a very good thing to do. Because depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain, most of the time it requires medication to get the serotonin levels balanced. As I've stated in many of these letters, I take two different meds for my depression and bipolar disorder.

As for the ride issue– have your mom call your insurance company and ask for travel assistance. Every state (if you're in the US) has a program, free of charge (they charge the insurance company) that will provide a ride to the doctor. Also, there may be local places, like churches, that assist with this. I'm not sure about any other countries, but you can try checking out for that as well.

What I'm curious about is why the hell this monster is not in jail! He deserves to be under the jail. I truly hope your Mom pressed charges on him.

Abuse like this will affect you in many ways, this is why I highly recommend therapy. You may also have PTSD from sexual abuse.

I'm so very sorry that you had to experience this, as well as your family. You shouldn't compare your mom's abuse to your own. Your trauma is not less severe than hers, and vice versa. Any type of abuse – in any form is wrong!

Please don't kill yourself. Anytime you feel suicidal you can talk to your Mom, myself or call the suicide hotline. Suicide is permanent! Could you handle it if your Mom did this? Of course not. It's a permanent decision for a temporary issue.

Your Mom will be sad when you tell her about your cutting and what's on your mind. But please, tell her so she can help you through this. You two can do much better together.

Keep looking for your rainbow love, because it doesn't storm forever. Anytime you need to talk further please message or email me at any time. Take care of yourself and please talk with your Mom.

Love Always,
Boo

⬆️ Please remember this⬆️

⬆️If you're in the US⬆️

⬆️ Hotline numbers⬆️

⬆️Always!⬆️

⬆️Sadly the facts⬆️

⬆️ Different types of abuse⬆️

⬆️Signs of emotional abuse⬆️

⬆️If anyone feels they are being abused in any way please speak up.⬆️

*Names have been changed to protect identity.

**There is no video. Since this is a serious matter I felt no music was appropriate.

***If anyone is being abused in any way please speak up. You are not alone!!