Dear Boo,

I have been brought up with the feeling of aloneness. Not that people weren't around me just that people didn't want me. My mom assured me she loves me but it wasn't just enough. Growing up without a dad can have such an effect no one can imagine!

No, my dad didn't die, just divorced. I think what my mom did was potential correct but the fact that I don't have a father bothered me. He was apparently abusive, my mom still has wounds though.

Pretty much convinced, is what I am. My mom, a single working mom, her life can be difficult but her stress is something I'm a victim off. She comes back from office and I just know I'm in for a blasting. This has been happening for 16 years I guess I should be used to it.

A few years back my mom remarried and when I thought all lost hope was finally back, this man revealed his true colours and as cliché as it sounds my stepfather and my mom are staying apart AGAIN. Now I have a 3-year-old baby sister and my mom is much more stressed out than before.

You know it's kinda sad that I'm having to go through soo much pain and my mom has no clue about it? Just when I thought so, I met him...my best friend his name was Tom*. He was such an amazing guy and all that, and then he fell in love. She came....she came and ruined everything...his girlfriend...Nikki*.

She was the jealous type you know, she made him hate me said shit about me which was soo convincing he believed it and called ended up calling me a "Cheat, liar, and a bitch" in front of my whole school and guess what depression, anxiety came dancing into my life.

I harm myself, I think it helps me forget my mental pain, you know the physical pain. I want to dance, but my mom wants me to study medicine. I feel like a slave doing what others want, don't ask me to talk to my mom it's impossible she won't understand I have tried. No one does.

I don't even understand myself.

Much love,
Jade* xx

💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚

Dear Jade*,

Hey, sweetheart, thanks for writing to me and for all the tons of love and support you give me. Your letter made me cry, you're such a wonderful person and you don't deserve any of what you're going through.

Some people don't understand that you can be surrounded by loads of people and still be alone. At times being alone is good, but too much of it is suffocating. I can't understand why anyone wouldn’t want you. You're such a wonderful friend to me, I can't see you not being a part of my daily circle.

You're right, growing up without a dad does do damage. You have millions of questions of ‘why’. I never knew my biological dad. My daddy, however, has raised me since I was four. I know it's definitely not the same, but I still question why he never wanted me, why I wasn't good enough for him, and why I simply wasn't enough to make him stay.

I understand why your mom divorced your dad, she did that to protect you. If he abused her so badly that she still has wounds at least 16 years later, who's to say he wouldn't have abused you. When you have a child you protect him or her more than yourself. I see why your mom did so, however, your dad should still have seen you. I'm sorry he didn't, you deserve better than that and deserve answers.

I don't care how many hours your Mom works or how tired she is, what she's doing isn't right! Have you tried to help out around the house or do things so she won't have to? It may reduce her stress, which will keep her calm.

Does your stepfather help any with your baby sister? I truly hope so, that would be even more on you if you had to watch her while your Mom worked. I don't want to sound harsh, but it seems your Mom doesn't pick the best guys to be with. Your dad was abusive and your stepfather didn't work out for whatever reason.

It's really sad that you're going through so much and you can't talk to your mom about it. Do you go to a therapist for talk therapy? I may not be a big help, but I'm always here for you to talk to. Holding everything and can do a lot of damage.

How long were you and Tom* best friends before Nikki* came along? He should have checked her stood up for you. Sometimes guys are blinded by 🐈🤷🏻‍♀️🤣!! It's sadly true. He may not see how vindictive she truly is. No matter what there is no excuse for him being verbally and emotionally abusive at all. He could have cut your friendship off without doing all the extra shit.

Depression and anxiety came back into your life because with so much going on at home he brought the fun in your life. When he acted like an ass the darkness came back, and even some you may never knew about. There is good and there is light even without Tom*.

There are many risks with self-harm, but I understand why you resulted in this. There are other options to try instead. When you want to self-harm try to write a book, journal all your emotions, dance, and even coloring helps a lot as well. Try snapping a band on your wrist. If you need to see the actual marks draw a line with a marker on your skin.

Focus on doing what makes you happy. Dance until you can't dance anymore! Always follow your dream and never give up. You can do this! I have faith in you that you will be amazing.

Love Always,
Boo

☝🏻Signs of depression☝🏻

☝🏻Facts☝🏻

☝🏻Try the Calm Harm app☝🏻

☝🏻How to help☝🏻

☝🏻Some alternatives ☝🏻

*Names are changed to protect identity.

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***Video attached is "One More Light" by Linkin Park. I know I use this video often, but I think the lyrics fit this very well. Give it a listen. RIP Chester! 💔